According to Tom D'Angelo of The Palm Beach Post, Guillen likes to spend his nights on road trips tossing back a few adult beverages and going to bed delightfully drunk.
And no, it doesn't matter whether his team has won or lost.
"Get drunk and go to sleep," said Guillen when he was asked what he does on road trips at night.
You're probably thinking that this has to be Ozzie Guillen making some kind of joke that only Ozzie Guillen would make. But nope. He was dead serious.
Here's his full explanation:
I've got my routine. Game's over, stay in the lobby of the hotel, the hotel bar, get drunk and go to sleep.
I get drunk because I'm happy because we won or get drunk because I'm very sad and disturbed because we lose. Same routine. [sic] for 25, 28 years. It hasn't changed. I don't like to go out.
But wait, there's more.
When asked if he engages in any other activities after games, Guillen said all he ever does is go out and find a sushi bar to get something to eat. On occasion, he'll wake up and go play golf in the morning.
But most mornings, Guillen isn't feeling spry until about 11 o'clock.
"I don't have time," he said. "I have to be (at the stadium) early, and I go to sleep so drunk I have to recover until 11 o'clock."
When asked if he was exaggerating, Guillen assured the gathering of reporters that he was being brutally honest.
"No. Why do I have to lie?" he said. "I never get in trouble. I'm never going to leave the hotel. Nobody can call my wife and say we saw Ozzie in this bar or this place."
The interesting part is that Guillen famously ripped Oakland A's GM Billy Beane in 2006 after he found out that the A's had banned alcohol in both clubhouses at the Coliseum after then-starting pitcher Esteban Loaiza's DUI arrest.
“He doesn’t run my club. I run my club,” said Guillen of Beane to a group of reporters. He also apparently used other words that weren't suitable for publication, as is his custom.
Little did anybody know that Guillen was going to go get smashed after the game anyway.
Well, now we know. So remember, if Guillen and the Marlins are in your town for a couple days, you might just be lucky enough to bump into him if you go crawling around hotel bars.
I recommend you do so at your own risk. Something tells me Guillen would be a lousy drinking buddy.
You know, just like a burned-out college senior.