NFL Playoff Picture: 3 Ways the Lions Could Beat the Saints

I decided to take a slightly different approach this week. I want to look at this from both team's perspective. I want to think about where the Saints are vulnerable and how the Lions could attack them. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm still 100 percent passionate about the Saints and want another Who Dat win. But there's a reason coaches do self-scouting at least four times a season. It's because they want to make sure they aren't giving stuff away based on tendencies, formation and personnel. 

They also want to know where their team is the weakest. Yesterday, I detailed the areas the Saints must improve for a long playoff run, but here's how the Lions can specifically attack this Saints squad in the Mercedes Benz Superdome. 

1. Kidnap Drew Brees

This is clearly the most obvious option for a Detroit Lions victory. Remember the 1996 flick Celtic Pride where Daniel Stern and Dan Akroyd played two Boston Celtics fanatics who came up with the ludicrous plot to kidnap the Utah Jazz's star player Lewis Scott?

They risked their livelihood and families for the good of their favorite team. The plan was to keep Scott from playing in Game 7 of the NBA Finals against their beloved Celtics. If Scott didn't play, surely their home team would win. 

If you're a Lions fan, why wouldn't you think the same thing? Drew Brees isn't just the best player on this Saints team, he's probably the best in the league, and certainly it's most valuable. 

Saints fans ought to take turns in front of Drew Brees' house through the rest of this week to ensure no sneaky business is acted upon by some not-so well-meaning Lions fans. 

Don't you think Lions fans are that desperate?

2. Petition the NFL to Play This Game Anywhere Except New Orleans

The Lions would rather this game be played in Afghanistan, the Atlantic Ocean, Cabo San Lucas, Antarctica even. Anywhere would be a better place to play this red-hot New Orleans Saints squad than the Mercedes Benz Superdome. The Lions must quickly write a petition to the NFL to get this game out of New Orleans. 

Surely the NFL would oblige to the Lions' request, even this late into the process. After all, it's not like New Orleans hasn't had enough high-profile football games lately. 

I mean what was the NFL thinking when they allowed the Saints to host a Wild Card Round playoff game with Monday Night being the night of the NCAA's BCS Championship Game? Don't LSU and Alabama need the field for practice and Media Day?

Silly NFL, scheduling is for kids. The kids wouldn't have let this happen!

3. Beg the Saints to Forfeit

While No. 1 was the most obvious—and in some ways the most realistic—chance for the Lions to win, begging the Saints to forfeit might be the only way this thing actually happens. I mean, Who Dat fans are crazy and probably actually will be on guard Drew and Brittney Brees' house this week in case some crazy Lions fan tries to kidnap Brees. 

So the Lions should try the pacifist route—something they haven't tried all year by the way—by simply asking the Saints to play nice. Sean Payton and Drew Brees came to New Orleans when it was at its lowest and have played a role in restoring it to the prideful city it once was.

Surely they have sympathy for what Jim Schwartz, the Lions, and the City of Detroit are going through right now. Detroit is still a mess, in case you hadn't heard. 

Payton and Brees might simply oblige out of the goodness of their hearts. After all, they've already won the Super Bowl and broke literally every record in professional football this season. What do they need another Super Bowl ring for? 

Heck, they could probably even make up some BCS-type rankings and declare themselves the champions of the NFL without even playing in the championship game. 

That said, it's easy. Jim Schwartz and the Lions: The Saints would like to formally announce their forfeiting this football game for your good and the good of Detroit, Michigan. 

Good thing football isn't like politics, isn't it?