Two Worlds, One Love: NFL Playoffs Winter Movies Edition

While listening to the voice of Jon Facenda still dancing in my head……

It’s that time of year again, that time of year where the only fantasy that matters is your favorite NFL team holding up the Lombardi Trophy on the first Sunday in February.  (If you’re a fan of the Lions, Rams, Raiders or Redskins, feel free to just keep dreaming). 

The NFL Playoffs have arrived, and “Two Worlds, One Love ” is here to give our special Winter Movies Playoff Extravaganza! 

Ok, maybe that was a bit much, but you know how we bring it: by comparing each of the 12 participants to some of this winter’s biggest (and not so big) blockbusters.  Here at TWOL, the column that looks at sports from both a male and female point of view, I’ll be joined by my lovely co-host Ephasia .  E, you ready?

Ephasia :  How long is this going to take?  Keeping Up with the Kardashians is coming on in 20 minutes!

JR: We’re just going to preview the playoffs.

Ephasia: Good, is Buffalo in it this year? 

JR: Um, let’s just move on…….

Youth In Revolt

JR : This movie is about a young man who has a coming out experience with hopes to impress a young woman.

Ephasia:   Not that kind of coming out I hope?

JR: No! What happens is that he discovers an edgier version of himself that helps him reach another level of maturity.  It reminds me a lot of a team who really broke out this year to become the dark horse pick in the NFC, the Green Bay Packers .

Ephasia: I like them, especially now that Brett Favre is no longer there.  That Aaron Rodgers guy is sooooo much better…except when they were actually playing against Favre.

JR : Well, he is the first quarterback in NFL history to throw for more than 4,000 yards in his first two seasons.  Along with the secondary led by Charles Woodson, the Pack still boasts one of the youngest starting lineups in the league, and that youth will be tested since they may have to play all of their games on the road in order to reach Miami, site of this year’s Super Bowl.

Ephasia :  So that means no Lambeau Leaps this time?  Bummer.  Doesn’t matter though, as long as they can keep Rodgers on his feet they will go far.

Book of Eli

Ephasia: I got this one since it starts my man Denzel!  It’s this movie in which he’s in the apocalyptic time and in order to save everyone he has to use this one book of ancient knowledge.

JR: Hmmm, reminds me of the Arizona Cardinals .

Ephasia:   How is that?

JR : Simple, the movie is about living in chaotic times.  The Cardinals were as chaotic and unpredictable as anyone this year, losing more games at home than on the road.  However, due to the steady hand of QB Kurt "The Ancient One" Warner, they are just as dangerous as any other team out there, especially since they came within two minutes of winning the Super Bowl last year.  They have a lot of weapons.

Ephasia : Especially Larry Fitzgerald.  Don’t forget that he has the record with four straight 100 yard receiving games in the playoffs.  Betcha didn’t know that one.

Avatar

Ephasia:   Visually stunning graphics but with little substance in my opinion.  The New Orleans Saints seem to be the same way.  Everyone was in love with Drew Brees and that offense, but losing their last three after starting 13-0?  Much like the movie, it may look nice but nothing that will hold up deep in the playoffs.

JR: I thought women love eye candy.

Ephasia : The Saints remind me of a bad weave.  May look nice from far away, but the closer you examine it, the more flaws get exposed.  I think they will get exposed by someone in the playoffs.

The Spy Next Door

JR : When I read the trailer about how this was supposed to be Jackie Chan as a spy-turned-nanny, it looks to me like this fits my dark horse team in the AFC, a team that no one suspects will be dangerous but will pull off an upset or two.  I’m talking about the J-E-T-S !

Ephasia : New York?  Have you flipped your lid? That rookie QB Sanchez is going to freeze out there. This isn’t Southern California you know?

JR: Hear me out.  Two things that the Jets excel at are in the running game and a strong defense.  Even with their NT Kris Jenkins out for the year, they have stud cornerback Darrell Revis anchoring the secondary. 

Ephasia : Oh yeah, I remember now.  He whipped Chad Ochocinco so bad last week that I thought Chad was going to change his name back to Johnson.

JR : Child, please.  He may have to change his name to Mudd if he gets shut out again by Revis.  Anyway, I think that coach Rex Ryan will have this team ready to go and will minimize the use of Sanchez, especially if they use Brad Smith more in the Wildcat offense.

Nine

JR : Nine?!  What’s a movie about a womanizing guy doing in here?  We aren’t doing a Tiger Woods column!

Ephasia : You don’t get it.  This is about a film director who’s trying to balance out his career and the women in his life.  Speaking of a team that needs some balance right now, that would be the Philadelphia Eagles .

JR : Good point.  Coach Andy Reid will have to get serious about mixing in a running game along with QB Donovan McNabb and electrifying WR Desean Jackson if they want to finally win a championship. 

Hoodwinked 2 : Hood vs. Evil

Ephasia :  Oooh. I like this one; it’s about Little Red Riding Hood?

JR : That’s right, E!  The title alone is what got me.  I think everyone is hoodwinked into thinking that the Minnesota Vikings are going to win it all.  Despite Brett Favre having a career year at age 40, there’s too much not to like about them. 

RB Adrian Peterson is always a threat to take it to the house or put the ball on the ground.  The loss of LB Erin Henderson will hurt their defense.

Did You Hear About the Morgans?

Ephasia : This movie is about a couple who has to go into hiding?

JR : What does this have to do with football?

Ephasia : Well, didn’t you say that after Ray Lewis laid that hit on Darren Sproles in Week Three that no one has seen the Baltimore Ravens’ defense?

JR : Wow, I’m amazed you actually remember that!  It’s true, especially with all-world safety Ed Reed still nursing that groin injury.  That said, their defense will need to come out of hiding and play so they won’t have to put it all on second-year QB Joe Flacco and that stout running game led by Ray Rice.

It’s Complicated

JR : The title alone speaks of the Indianapolis Colts ….

Ephasia : I would’ve loved to see them go undefeated just to shut up those ’72 Dolphins.  Why can’t those old men just be quiet and play golf?

JR : I see what you mean.  While the movie is about a divorced couple, it could well be about about a team that, despite going 14-2, doesn’t seem to have that championship look, even with the great Peyton Manning. 

Ephasia : Is that because in most of their games they were trailing in the fourth quarter? 

JR : Exactly!  In the playoffs you can’t expect that the other team will make a huge mistake, you have to be able to put away teams and the Colts don’t seem to be able to do that.  Just like the movie, they are too complicated for me to feel safe about rooting for them.

Princess and the Frog

Ephasia : This was my movie!  It’s a fairy tale romance about a prince who turns into a frog but finds his princess at the end when she kisses him.  I suppose this will be about a team you’re picking to win it all right?

JR : Not really.  I mean, the Dallas Cowboys may always look sharp in the regular season, but when the playoffs come around they turn into a frog, not winning a playoff game since 1996.

Ephasia : Great!  Way to ruin my view of the movie.  Don’t you think that this will be the year Tony Romo will finally win now that he doesn’t have to worry about T.O. and Jessica Simpson?  I mean, he does have that stud Miles Austin to throw to.

JR : True.  Let’s just hope he doesn’t have to hold any field goal attempts. I just think coach Wade Phillips will not be able to mastermind a winning strategy in a playoff game.

Extraordinary Measures

Ephasia : I think the title says it all about the Cincinnati Bengals .  Considering the tragic losses of wide receiver Chris Henry to the wife of defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer, I’m rooting for them to win it all this year.  This team went through a lot this year to get where they are now, winners of the AFC North.

JR : Great point.  If Carson Palmer can return to his Pro Bowl form, I think they have a chance.

Sherlock Holmes

JR:   Using brains instead of mere brawn to win?  Sounds like New England to me.

Ephasia : They will need to be crafty since they lost Wes Welker to that devastating knee injury.  However, with coach Bill Belichick and Tom Brady at the helm, you can never count them out.

JR :  You’re right.  The defense is a bit younger, but I think they will figure a way to make some noise in the AFC Playoffs, as always.

Legion

Ephasia:   A movie about angels and the last days?  What does that have to do with football?

JR :  Well, it does make sense considering the synopsis of the story goes right in line with my Super Bowl Championship pick, the San Diego Chargers !

Ephasia :  Does this have anything to do with Phillip Rivers being the best QB in the league over the last 12 games?  Or is it due to LaDanian Tomlinson regaining some of his usual form?  Or is it due to the fact that all of their wide receivers are over 6 foot 4 inches?

JR:   Not at all.  Just the fact that by the end of Feb. 7, Norv Turner will be a Super Bowl winning coach!  If that’s not a sure sign of the apocalypse is coming, I don’t know what is!