31 Ways You Know You Are a St. Louis Rams Fan

Steven Gerwel@Steve_GerContributor IIIJune 21, 2013

31 Ways You Know You Are a St. Louis Rams Fan

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    Every NFL fanbase has its own unique personality—Steelers fans wave yellow towels, Raiders fans dress like obnoxious goths, Patriots fans pretend they're better than everybody else, Browns fans try to convince people they exist—and St. Louis Rams fans have their tell-tale signs as well. 

    However, being a Rams fan goes beyond owning a Kurt Warner jersey or wearing a watermelon on your head. 

    It's deeper than that. It involves the games you've experienced, the players you admire and the numerous memories stored in your brain. 

    So, how can you identify whether or not you're a Rams fan? 

    Jeff Foxworthy possesses the uncanny ability to identify rednecks in his terrible series of jokes, so we'll put Rams fans through a similar test. 

    You might be a Rams fan... 

If You Insist Super Bowl XXXVI Is a Belichick Conspiracy

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    We're all well aware of the Spygate scandal and how Bill Belichick and the Patriots were caught videotaping defensive hand signals from opponents, but this fiasco has been particularly troubling for Rams fans. 

    The Boston Herald released an article in 2008 stating that the Patriots filmed the Rams' walkthrough practice prior to Super Bowl XXXVI.

    Former Rams players have fanned the flames over the years, the most recent being Marshall Faulk, who stated several months ago that he was "cheated out of the Super Bowl."

    Naturally, the accusations have taken a toll on Rams fans, who challenge the legitimacy of the Patriots dynasty to this day. 

    Sure, you can point out the fact that Mike Martz refused to run the ball even though the Pats defense had no answer for Faulk, or you can point out the 48-yard bomb Adam Vinatieri nailed to win the game. But us Rams fans possess the stubbornness of a moon landing denier and will ignore those comments until the end. 

If You Admire Cortland Finnegan's 'Tenacity'

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    There are certain players that are impossible to root for unless they happen to play for your favorite team. 

    Cortland Finnegan, without a doubt, is one of those players. 

    Between the Andre Johnson fight, the Josh Morgan incident and sending Calvin Johnson to the sidelines in search of a new helmet, Finnegan has the uncanny ability to anger not only opponents, but the entire opposing fanbase. 

    Those opposing fans use words like "instigator" and "disgrace" to describe Finnegan. Rams fans beg to differ with those descriptors and instead throw around words like "tenacity," "swagger" and "misunderstood."

    If you voice disapproval over Finnegan's style to a Rams fans, they'll more than likely advice you to watch his E:60 segment that aired on ESPN, which shows the real Finnegan—a class act off the field. 

If You Consider the '99 NFC Championship the Greatest Defensive Battle Ever

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    There have been many hard-fought defensive battles over the years, but the one that will always stand out in the mind of a Rams fan is the NFC Championship following the 1999 season. 

    The Rams were an offensive juggernaut that year, but before earning a Super Bowl appearance, they'd have to prove they were more than a team of airborne finesse—they'd have to show they could duke it out in a gritty defensive slugfest. 

    The game only saw eight total points in the first three quarters. The final quarter began with the Rams leading 5-3, but Tampa Bay took a one-point lead after nailing a field goal, making the score 6-5. 

    Just when it appeared the Rams had run out of opportunities, Kurt Warner aired out a Hail Mary to the corner of the end zone and connected with Ricky Proehl, who made a one-handed catch to secure the one and only touchdown of the game. 

    The Rams came away with an 11-6 victory and went on to win the Super Bowl. 

If You're Offended When Bradford Is Excluded from Conversations on Top Young QBs

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    You're likely aware that ESPN, NFL.com and other major media outlets are in a full-blown love affair with a handful of young quarterbacks. 

    Between Colin Kaepernick, Russell Wilson, Andrew Luck and RGIII, it's impossible to tell which passer the ESPN analysts daydream about the most. And while the love has gone slightly stale with Cam Newton, he's certainly in the mix as well. 

    However, Rams franchise quarterback Sam Bradford has been excluded from the love triangle (or, love pentagon). 

    Bradford won't regain national respect until the Rams find their way into the playoffs, but since Bradford's three years in the league have mirrored the first three years of established passers such as Drew Brees, Joe Flacco, Eli Manning, Tom Brady and Matt Ryan, it'd be foolish to brush him aside. 

    With a new arsenal of offensive talent—receivers Tavon Austin and Stedman Bailey, along with tight end Jared Cook—Rams fans are confident Bradford will find his way back into the media's good graces. 

If You Have a New Respect for the '80s 'Stache

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    Did Ron Burgundy and Ron Jeremy take over St. Louis Rams leadership? 

    Wait, no, that's Stan Kroene and Jeff Fisher. But they make up an equally awesome mustache duo. 

    It's no coincidence that the progress arrow has consistently pointed up ever since the mustaches arrived at Rams Park. 

    So watch out NFL, the Rams have a pair of '80s Reaganauts running the team, and they're here to stimulate the Ramconomy. Don't stand in the way of this Ramconomic boom. 

If You Remember the Worst Game of Brett Favre's Career

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    Most NFL fans have fond memories of Brett Favre

    They can recall his impressive showings on the field and remember him for gunslinging his way to a Super Bowl victory with the Green Bay Packers

    For Rams fans, our fondest memory of Favre is his infamous disaster in the dome. 

    It was the NFC divisional playoffs following the 2001 season. The St. Louis defense recorded eight takeaways, including six Favre interceptions, while safety Aeneas Williams scored two defensive touchdowns. 

    The thunderous roar of the crowd made it impossible for Favre and the Packers to put together anything even resembling an offense. 

    St. Louis won the game 45-17 and eventually advanced to the Super Bowl. 

If You Consider the Read-Option Trend a Ridiculous Fad That Will Eventually Die

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    Some feel read-option quarterbacks are the future, while others feel it's a gimmick that will fade much like the Wildcat formation in Miami. But if you ask a Rams fan, they'll undoubtedly agree with the latter.

    In a division with Colin Kaepernick and Russell Wilson, the Rams better hope there's an antidote for scrambling quarterbacks.

    However, since the Rams were 3-1-1 against Kaepernick, Wilson and RGIII last season, they're not losing too much sleep over it. 

If You Have Bookmarked Chris Long's Twitter Page

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    Between antagonizing the 49ers fanbase and producing 140 characters of awesomeness on a consistent basis, Chris Long is a must-follow on Twitter.

    "I see where some fans talked pretty bad 2 @CortFinnegan today. Just remember ya'll haven't beaten us in 500 days or so," Chris Long tweeted.  

    Long went on to correct himself, stating it has actually been 528 since the 49ers have beaten the Rams—the count is now at 537 days—and went on to list what he has accomplished in that time span (climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, turned 27 and 28, ate over 2,000 small meals, etc.).

    Simply put, Chris Long is awesome, and it's great to see Rams players once again talking smack after nearly a decade of zero bragging rights. 

If You Can't Hold Back Emotions When Watching '99 Highlights

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    It's fine, you're safe here. Let it out... 

If You Betrayed Kurt Warner and Begged for Forgiveness Later on

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    As Rams fans well know, Kurt Warner's story was quite the roller-coaster ride. 

    He came from humble beginnings as an Arena Football League and NFL Europe star. He performed the unthinkable by winning the Super Bowl for the Rams. And, sadly, he was enthusiastically greeted by an energetic St. Louis fanbase that later turned on him after a disastrous 2002 season. 

    After hanging by a thread the next several seasons, Warner was able to resurrect his career and again perform the unthinkable by taking Arizona to the Super Bowl in 2008. 

    Rams fans suffered through a two-win campaign that year and immediately saw the error in their ways. 

    Most St. Louis fans went through the mental process of gushing over Warner, criticizing Warner and entering a state of self-loathing over his absence. 

    Some Rams fans will hesitate to admit it, but in the back of their minds they speculate if the recent years of futility are a form of punishment for the way the Warner situation was handled. 

If You Laughed When the 2013 Lions Were Declared the Greatest Show on Turf 2.0

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    Reggie Bush the next Marshall Faulk? Matthew Stafford the next Kurt Warner? Sounds pretty hilarious...unless you're Bill Polian.

    According to Adam Schefter's Twitter page, Polian declared that the Lions would become the next Greatest Show on Turf after the acquisition of Reggie Bush. 

    Sure, it was just a harmless comment and we can overlook it, but this isn't a victimless crime. He raised the hopes of Lions fans, and those fans are guaranteed to be disappointed. 

If You Resent the Sudden Fame of Amendola After His Departure to New England

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    When Danny Amendola played for the small-market St. Louis Rams, few NFL fans knew him as anything other than "that white guy in St. Louis."

    Now that ESPN sweetheart Tom Brady is throwing him passes, Amendola is in the inner circle. He was in New England for approximately 30 seconds before he was offered his first commercial (as seen above). 

    It's somewhat troubling that Amendola wasn't seen as commercial-worthy while playing under the Arch but has blossomed into a celebrity overnight in New England. 

    Rams fans wish Amendola luck and thank him for his contributions, but it'll surely be difficult to watch him play in Foxborough on Sundays. 

If You Feel the Rams Got the Better Deal in the Infamous RGIII Trade

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    Rookie sensation Robert Griffin III has generated considerable media hype since entering the league a year ago (watch out Tom Brady, ESPN may be falling in love with a new sweetheart). 

    Of course, the Rams originally owned the No. 2 pick that was ultimately used to select RGIII, but the Rams auctioned off the pick to Washington in exchange for their 2012 first- and second-round picks, as well as their first-round picks in 2013 and 2014.

    Based on the buzz surrounding RGIII, it's easy for NFL fans to automatically assume Washington got the better end of the deal without considering all the facts.

    But Rams fans know better. 

    The Rams used the 2012 picks they acquired from Washington to select Michael Brockers and Janoris Jenkins, who both appear to be rising stars and potential Pro Bowl talents. Additional trade-downs also helped the Rams secure second-round running back Isaiah Pead and guard Rokevious Watkins. 

    In 2013, the Rams used their extra first-round pick to select stud linebacker Alec Ogletree. 

    The Rams still have a first-round pick in 2014 remaining, but there's already a long list of promising players that RGIII will have to outperform before the Rams have any regrets. 

    In reality, this is a perfect example of a mutually beneficial trade. Both sides are thrilled with the outcome and wouldn't have it any other way. 

    However, with RGIII already undergoing a major knee operation one year into his career, there's a chance the Rams will end up as the clear winners. 

If You Were the 1st in Your Fantasy League to Discover 'Greg the Leg'

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    Through the first five games of the 2012 season, Rams kicker Greg Zuerlein was a perfect 13-of-13 on field goals, including four kicks over 50 yards and one 60-yard bomb. 

    For nearly half the 2012 season, Zuerlein was the best kicker in the game. But Rams fans had insider knowledge on Zuerlein based on training camp reports and preseason action. 

    A good portion of Rams fans used this insight to gain an advantage in their fantasy leagues. By the end of Week 5, jealous fantasy rivals praised your uncanny scouting abilities and watched with envy as Zuerlein kicked your team into the playoffs. 

    Zuerlein did stumble a bit in the second half of the season, but even so, you can bet he'll get drafted in your league this time around. 

If You Hate ESPN

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    Tim Tebow. Rex Ryan. The Patriots. The Packers. LeBron. And...Brett Favre!

    If you love these subjects, then it's in your best interest to turn on ESPN. If you enjoy local coverage willing to dedicate a fair amount of air time to small-market teams such as the Rams, you should probably avoid ESPN.

    With the internet, satellite television and the era of new age media upon us, ESPN should really think about regional programming like Fox. There's no way the network will survive the next 20 years if viewers have to suffer through 20 minutes of LeBron and 30 minutes of Skip Bayless before their team gets five seconds of air time.

If You Think Seattle's 12th Man Is Really Their Speed Dealer in the Parking Lot

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    Seattle fans were under the impression that the 12th man represented the heart and soul of the fanbase standing behind the team. 

    However, the team has taken heat over the last several years. Multiple players have been handed suspensions after testing positive for banned substances, including Adderall.

    This confirms what Rams fans have always suspected—that the 12th man is actually a hoodie-wearing speed dealer named "Stinky Pete" who loiters in the CenturyLink Field parking lot. 

    You don't think Walter White cooks blue meth by mere coincidence, do you? He makes it blue after Seahawks blue, to satisfy his No. 1 client. 

If You Laugh at Falcons Fans Who Don't Consider Steven Jackson an Upgrade

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    When the Atlanta Falcons signed Steven Jackson in free agency, a portion of Atlanta fans had an apathetic reaction to the pickup. They didn't feel Jackson was an upgrade over incumbent Michael Turner and viewed it as a lateral move, which is hilarious. 

    Take away Tony Gonzalez, Julio Jones and Roddy White. Then, ask the opposing defense to stack eight in the box every play.

    If Michael Turner is still a 1,000-yard rusher after that, then you can call it a lateral move. 

If You Worship the Golden God-Like Hair of GM Les Snead

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    I've tried volumizer, blonde hair dye and pounds of Caboki, but no styling product can turn my pathetic, thinning hair into anything that even resembles Les Snead's golden god-like hairdo.

    Rumor has it that the general manager's hairdo was handcrafted by Zeus using thin strips of 24-karat gold. And when the team suffers a loss, he lets every player on the roster touch his hair.

    It's the reason why the Rams never lost two consecutive games in the second half of the season. 

If You're Longing to Befriend Janoris Jenkins

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    Rams second-year cornerback Janoris Jenkins punched in four defensive TDs as a rookie and was simply an electrifying playmaker in 2012.

    In addition to being a Defensive Rookie of the Year candidate and a rising star, Jenkins is also known for wearing "grillz," occupying gentlemen's clubs and impregnating female companions, while he constantly secretes swagger every waking hour of every day.

    This got me thinking...Janoris may be the coolest guy in Missouri.

    If you're a 20-something male, like myself, then you're likely yearning for the opportunity to spark a friendship with Jenkins. Most likely, you frequently daydream about how much better your life would be if you could somehow earn a spot in his entourage. 

    Stay cool, Janoris. We know you will. 

If You Died a Little Inside After Seeing This Video...

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    Maybe average more than four wins a season in a five-year stretch. Then you can make a video teaching Rams fans how to cheer. 

    And yes, this was an actual video created by the Rams organization that aired at the Edward Jones Dome on Sundays.

    The dome was the loudest and most feared home venue in all of football when the Rams were a winning team ("winning" being the key word). Just perform on Sundays, and the fans will know what to do. 

If You Voiced Disgust When Punter Donnie Jones Was Excluded from Pro Bowl

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    After winning just two miserable games in 2008, the Rams had basically zero bragging rights.

    That is, other than their elite punter—Donnie Jones.

    After that terrible season, you'd think the NFL would grant the Rams one tiny consolation prize by voting Jones to the Pro Bowl, but he lost to Jeff Feagles of the New York Giants

    Jones averaged 50.0 yards per punt compared to Feagles' 44.0 yards per punt, while Jones punted for nearly 2,000 more total yards than Feagles that season. 

    Needless to say, Rams fans were grasping for a silver lining at the time, so Jones' exclusion was quite painful. 

If Your Version of the Immaculate Reception Occured in Super Bowl XXXIV

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    We all know that the "Immaculate Reception" occurred when a deflected Terry Bradshaw pass found the hands of John Fuqua, who took the ball in for a game-winning score over the Raiders. 

    Ever since that catch, whenever a player makes a big time reception in the playoffs, fans of that team will immediately declare that play as their own immaculate reception—or, the "Immaculate Reception 2.0."

    For St. Louis fans, our "Immaculate Reception 2.0" is undoubtedly Isaac Bruce's 73-yard score in Super Bowl XXXIV. 

    In fact, forget the "2.0." The only immaculate reception we know or care about is Reverend Ike's epic Super Bowl-winning grab.   


If You Have Taken Great Pleasure in the 49ers Coming so Close Yet so Far

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    Just when the 49ers make it to the Super Bowl and you give up on life, you see an image such as the one above and rediscover hope. 

    You see, we have to build up the 49ers before we can truly tear them down and make them suffer. 

    You've heard the saying, "No pain, no gain." Well, it works both ways—if there's no gain, there's no pain. 

    If the 49ers didn't gain a Super Bowl appearance, they'd never get the chance to experience the intense pain of losing the big game. 

    It's a beautiful thing. 




You Blew a Gasket When You Discovered the 2-Win Chiefs Had 6 Pro Bowlers

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    If you didn't already know the Pro Bowl was a joke, you certainly found out following the 2012 season. 

    The Kansas City Chiefs ended the year as the worst team in the NFL after winning just two games and securing the top draft pick, but the razor-sharp voters felt they were deserving of six Pro Bowl bids.

    Despite being the worst team in the league, the Chiefs had more Pro Bowl representatives than 21 other teams, while only five teams had more players elected to the Pro Bowl.

    Of course, the Rams had zero.

    It's not that the seven-win Rams had any major snubs, but a competitive team such as the Rams should be granted a representative or two by default.

    The NFL needs to establish a new rule that states if a team wins six games or more, it is guaranteed one representative. And if a team wins fewer than five games, it is limited to two representatives. 

If You Fainted with Kevin Demoff When Rams Went over .500

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    When the Rams defeated the Arizona Cardinals last October, obtaining a 3-2 record in the process, it was the first time the team has owned a winning record since November of 2006. 

    The shock was so overwhelming that Rams vice president Kevin Demoff passed out in his office the following day, according to NFL.com.

    "I guess fainting the day after going over .500 isn't exactly acting like you've been there before," said Demoff via Twitter following the incident. 

    Most thought he was joking, but Rams fans like ourselves felt a similar wooziness the following morning. And no, it wasn't just from the large quantities of celebration booze consumed after the game.  

If You Insist Janoris' Hit on TE Fred Davis Was Clean

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    Even though there was no helmet-to-helmet contact, Janoris Jenkins was flagged for launching his body into Fred Davis, resulting in a thunderous hit that forced an incompletion.

    Never mind that Davis would have ripped off a big gain had Jenkins held back (no other defenders were in the area), or that the 250-pound Davis towers over the 193-pound Jenkins. The hit was still penalized by the replacement referees. 

    It was one of many questionable calls in that game, which brings me to the next slide...

If Your Blood Boils When People Claim Josh Morgan Lost the Game for Washington

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    Some claim the Rams only beat Washington last September thanks to an unsportsmanlike penalty called on Redskins receiver Josh Morgan, which took them out of field-goal range in a critical fourth-quarter situation. 

    It's as if they watched 10 seconds' worth of highlights and ignored the first 55 minutes of the game completely. 

    That single penalty hardly outweighs the numerous questionable calls against St. Louis, such as the negated Steven Jackson touchdown, the unnecessary roughness penalty on Janoris Jenkins, and the questionable unnecessary roughness penalty called against the Rams defense after a very mild "collision" with RGIII (the NFL has to protect its new sweetheart).

    The Rams outplayed the Redskins in every aspect, and honestly, the penalties are the only reason the game was even close. 

    It's been nine months since that game, and yes, I'm still mad about it. 

If You're Getting Fed Up with the Annual Finale in Seattle

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    For a third time in four years, the NFL has decided to schedule St. Louis' regular-season finale in Seattle—one of the most hostile environments in the league. 

    In 2010, the finale in Seattle resulted in a loss and prevented the Rams from entering the playoffs. In 2012, the Rams' final game in Seattle again resulted in a loss and forced St. Louis to end the year with a losing record of 7-8-1. 

    And in 2013, the Rams will be wrapping up the season in, you guessed it...Seattle. 

    It's unclear if the league hates the Rams, or if it's merely an unlucky coincidence.

    The Rams haven't won a game in Seattle since 2004, but as the saying goes...third time's a charm. 

If You're a Draft Expert by December

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    For the better part of the last decade, the Rams have managed to effectively end their season by November. 

    With so many losses and no playoff dreams, the fans have been frequently forced to abandon football midseason and focus on the draft. 

    The typical Rams fan is usually a certified expert on the upcoming draft before the season has ended. 

    Even last season, when St. Louis was still in the hunt late in the season, Rams fans still partook in premature draft research out of habit. 

    It could take a few years to break that habit after so many years of poor football. 

If You Can Recall the Most Clutch Defensive Play in Super Bowl History

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    When picturing the most clutch play in Super Bowl history, many people will immediately visualize offensive plays—David Tyree's helmet catch for the Giants, Santonio Holmes' last-second touchdown grab against Arizona—but the mind of a Rams fan immediately jumps to the defensive side of the ball. 

    Specifically, the epic Mike Jones tackle that won Super Bowl XXXIV. 

    Down by only a touchdown, Steve McNair drove the Titans offense downfield and made it to St. Louis' 10-yard line with six seconds to spare. 

    On the final play of the game, McNair hit receiver Kevin Dyson on a quick route just past the five-yard line. Dyson had a clear path to the end zone but was stopped less than a yard short by linebacker Jones.

    It was one of the most inspirational and defining moments in Rams history, and it will remain with St. Louis fans forever. 

If...You Still Watch the Rams

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    After nearly 10 years of tolerating terrible football, if you still spend three hours every Sunday watching this team, you must be one hell of a Rams fan.

    The Rams are on the rise, but it's still early enough that the bandwagon fans haven't jumped on board yet. So, if you currently claim to be a Rams fan, chances are you're a true fan.