The 2010 NFL Season's 48 Wacky Predictions

John Thomas@@JohnThomas227Correspondent IFebruary 16, 2010

I love football.

It's one of the greatest sports in the world.  I watch it, write about it, talk about it, and broadcast it.

So, naturally I was looking forward to the 2010 Super Bowl, just like approximately 106.5 million other people.  However, when it finished, I felt a sense of disappointment. Not because the Saints won the game, but because I came to the realization that football is gone for almost seven months.

But, just like for the St. Louis Rams, there is always next year. Why not take a look ahead right now?

However, this "forecast" isn't like most.  It's a prediction of what will NOT happen in the 2010-2011 NFL season.  Predictions are written in italics.

Keep in mind that all of these predictions are the total opposite of what I really believe.


Wacky Prediction No. 1: The Dallas Cowboys' Tony Romo will have fewer than three girlfriends.  He might not win an MVP award, but he will definitely win an MEB: Most Eligible Bachelor award.

No. 1 will be used as an example. Here, I am really saying that Romo will have three or more girlfriends.  This rule applies to all parts in italics below.

Get my drift?


Wacky Prediction No. 2: New York Giants' running backs Ahmad Bradshaw and Brandon Jackson will be given fewer than five nickname combinations.


Wacky Prediction No. 3: Michael Vick will begin returning kicks for the Philadelphia EaglesI guess anything is possible, but this is still a bit far-fetched.


Wacky Prediction No. 4: Donovan McNabb will remain uninjured for the entire season. I am claiming that to be my boldest prediction.


Wacky Prediction No. 5: Antwaan Randle El will throw fewer than 10 passes. The Redskins have to try something different.


Wacky Prediction No. 6: A Washington Redskins' running back will have a rather normal first name. This season's backfield included Rock, Quinton, and Ladell.  I'm sorry if I offended anyone with any of the names mentioned above.

Wait. What about Clinton Portis?


Wacky Prediction No. 6.5: An unhealthy Washington Redskins running back will have a rather normal first name. Essentially, I am saying that Clinton Portis is never healthy. Therefore, he doesn't qualify for this wacky prediction.


Wacky Prediction No. 7: Matt Leinart will be the starting quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals at the end of the 2010-2011 season. There are two ways that this prediction will be correct.  The first is that Kurt Warner could un-retire.  The second is that Brian St. Pierre could overtake Leinart as the starter.  In my opinion, the St. Pierre possibility is actually realistic.


Wacky Prediction No. 8: 49ers quarterback Alex Smith will finally live up to being picked first overall.  However, he could still start for San Francisco, considering that Shaun Hill is his only other competition.


Wacky Prediction No. 9: The Seattle Seahawks will find a good wide receiver under the age of 30.  T.J. Houshmandzadeh is 32, Deion Branch is 30, and Nate Burleson is 28.  Hopefully, everyone agrees with me that Burleson isn't exactly "good."


Wacky Prediction No. 10: The St. Louis Rams will use fewer than four quarterbacks during the upcoming season. Fourth-string quarterback Mike Reilly should see at least a few snaps under center.


Wacky Prediction No. 11: A number one wide receiver will emerge for the St. Louis Rams.  Danny Amendola, Donnie Avery, Keenan Burton, and Laurent Robinson will probably be the top pass-catcher on the depth chart several different times this season.


Wacky Prediction No. 12: The St. Louis Rams will not be the biggest fantasy football nightmare. Do not own a Ram.  Even running back Steven Jackson.  The only way I will touch a St. Louis player will be in a 20-team league with about 20 roster slots.


Wacky Prediction No. 13: Jay Cutler will throw fewer than 20 interceptions. This guy may never mature.  Maybe a dump-off to former rookie-sensation Matt Forte would help.


Wacky Prediction No. 14: Calvin Johnson of the Detroit Lions will catch more than eight touchdown passes. He has no one to throw him the football. Dante Culpepper is receiving his AARP application this season, and Matthew Stafford may be the most overrated top draft pick since Alex Smith.


Wacky Prediction No. 15: The Detroit Lions will not win a game in the 2010-2011 NFL season. They will beat the St. Louis Rams.


Wacky Prediction No. 16: Ahman Green and Donald Driver of the Green Bay Packers will each be walking with a cane at the end of the season.  Although Driver is older, Ahman will be the only one needing a cane to move by season's end.


Wacky Prediction No. 17: Adrian Peterson and Adrian Peterson will combine for fewer than eight fumbles.  The Vikings' Adrian Peterson will have nine.  The Bears' Adrian Peterson will have one.


Wacky Prediction No. 18: Atlanta Falcons' running back Michael Turner will get in an altercation with fourth-string running back Aaron Stecker over the heated rivalry between their Alma maters Northern Illinois and Western Illinois.  In the .001 percent chance that this happens, my money is on Turner.


Wacky Prediction No. 19:  Panthers' quarterback Jake Delhomme will tie the NFL record for most interceptions in a single season.  Hopefully, Delhomme will not play next season.  That's one way he will not tie the record. However, should he play, Delhomme will break the NFL record for single season interceptions, not tie it.


Wacky Prediction No. 20: Carolina Panthers' wide receiver Steve Smith will play more than five games with a broken bone.  I predict that he plays just three in that condition.


Wacky Prediction No. 21: Another NFL team besides the New Orleans Saints will use a phrase similar to "who dat."  I suppose "who dis" is a possibility.


Wacky Prediction No. 22: Saints' fifth-string running back Marcus Mailei will rush for two touchdowns.  I want to leave myself a little breathing room.  Heck, I could score with Drew Brees under center.  One touchdown is certainly not out of the question.


Wacky Prediction No. 23: Tamp Bay Buccaneers' running back Derrick Ward will change his first name to "Corvette" in order to complement fellow ball-carrier Cadillac Williams.


Wacky Prediction No. 24: Tennessee Titans' running back Chris Johnson will rush for 2,000-plus yards for a second straight season.  Even though he is young, Johnson carried the ball a lot in the past season.  Fatigue may be a factor for the Titans' young sensation this season.


Wacky Prediction No. 25: Jacksonville Jaguars' running back Maurice Jones-Drew will catch fewer than 100 passes.  Last year's sensation Mike Sims-Walker won't have another great season, and Torry Holt may die of old age after Week 3.  David Garrard has to throw someone the football.


Wacky Prediction No. 26: Curtis Painter will be the backup quarterback for the Indianapolis ColtsJim Sorgi will overtake Painter as Peyton Manning's successor, thanks to Curtis' poor performance against the New York Jets late in the season.


Wacky Prediction No. 27: ESPN will discover what college Indianapolis Colts' backup wide receiver Samuel Giguere attended.  If you don't know what I am talking about, click here.


Wacky Prediction No. 28: Houston Texans' running back Steve Slaton will be benched fewer than three times.  If he continues to fumble the football, he may not have a chance to be benched.  Slaton would start games warming the bench.


Wacky Prediction No. 29: Pittsburgh Steelers' safety Troy Polamalu will cut off his unusually long hair.


Wacky Prediction No. 30: The Pittsburgh Steelers will release a Troy Polamalu bobble-head with authentic hair from Polamalu's head.  Actually, the Steelers might need to think about that idea.  Sales would be through the roof.


Wacky Prediction No. 31: Cleveland Browns' running back Jerome Harrison will rush for more than 286 yards.  Yes, I am saying that Harrison will not get as many yards in the 2010-2011 season as he did in his Week 15 game last year.


Wacky Prediction No. 32: Cedric Benson of the Cincinnati Bengals will change his name to Cedric Tresdos in order to complement teammate Chad Ochocinco.  In case you haven't figured it out already, Benson's jersey number is 32.


Wacky Prediction No. 33: Baltimore Ravens' safety Ed Reed will return an interception 111 yards for a touchdown.  Obviously, this is impossible.  However, 110 isn't out of the question.


Wacky Prediction No. 34: The San Diego Chargers will not wear their powder blue throwback uniforms for every game this season.  After losing in the playoffs with the dark blue jerseys, there is no reason for the Chargers to not don the powder blues every week.


Wacky Prediction No. 35: The Oakland Raiders will discover a clear-cut starter at quarterback.  JaMarcus Russell, Charlie Frye, J.P. Losman, or Bruce Gradkowski.  Take your pick.


Wacky Prediction No. 36: The Oakland Raiders will discover a clear-cut starter at running back. The promise of Darren McFadden's greatness is now non-existent.


Wacky Prediction No. 37: The Oakland Raiders will discover a clear-cut starter at wide receiver.  Darrius Heyward-Bey, Louis Murphy, Chaz Schillens, and Johnnie Lee Higgins are all mediocre wide receivers that are fighting for the top spot on the Raiders' depth chart.


Wacky Prediction No. 38: Dwayne Bowe of the Kansas City Chiefs will be accused of using performance-enhancing drugs.  Bowe was suspended this season for taking a diuretic, which can mask anabolic steroid use.  He claims that he asked his grandmother for cramp medicine and she sent him the wrong treatment.  Suspicious? Maybe. In this case, I'm going to agree with Bowe.


Wacky Prediction No. 39: Brandon Stokely will catch another tipped ball for a touchdown. Here, I am referring to Stokely's miraculous catch against the Cincinnati Bengals in Week 1 of the NFL season.  The Broncos won the game thanks to his lucky grab.  However, they can't expect luck like that every week.


Wacky Prediction No. 40: Mark Sanchez of the New York Jets will appear on "The Bachelor."  He's only 23. Maybe this will happen in a couple of years.


Wacky Prediction No. 41: New England Patriots' quarterback Tom Brady gets hurt in Week 1 of the season, thrusting Brian Hoyer into the starting job. Hoyer goes on to lead the Patriots to a playoff appearance. Sorry, but I don't believe in deja vu.


Wacky Prediction No. 42: Wide receiver Ted Ginn Jr. of the Miami Dolphins will actually catch a touchdown pass.  His receiving ability is very overrated.  However, his athleticism is not.  Ginn will return at least three kicks or punts for touchdowns.


Wacky Prediction No. 43: When the media criticizes Trent Edwards/Ryan Fitzpatrick of the Buffalo Bills, wide receiver Terrell Owens will rush to the defense of his quarterback, tears streaming down his face.   I don't see a repeat of the scene in Dallas, featuring T.O. crying for Tony Romo.  "That's my quarterback. That's my quarterback!"


Wacky Prediction No. 44: Terrell Owens will finally own up to the fact the he is an overrated, over-the-hill, receiver. T.O. will still be talking to his quarterback at the age of 70.


Wacky Prediction No. 45: Brett Favre will not retire.


Wacky Prediction No. 46: Brett Favre will retire.


Wacky Prediction No. 47: Brett Favre will not retire.


Wacky Prediction No. 48 Brett Favre will retire.

Ultimately, I am saying the Favre will retire, un-retire, retire, and finally un-retire and come back to play another season.

I don't want Favre to come back. His time is up.

However, no matter what I believe, Favre will keep playing until he dies on the field.

There we go. 48 wacky predictions for the 2010-2011 season. Hopefully, this article hasn't totally wasted your time.  Maybe you actually got some information from this, or maybe a laugh or two.

I highly doubt that last part.  I'm not funny, but I try to be.

Oh well.


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