NFL Musings: The Evil Patriots, Specter, Raider Competence, and More!
The action picks up in what Senator Specter calls his “war room” near his office in Washington, DC. The “war room” is where Senator Specter goes to discuss current events, potential Senate business, and his planned accomplishments for the day.
In the room with him are his two top advisers, Joey Porter and Donovan McNabb.
Joey Porter: I just read that oil has gone up something stupid…like $15 per barrel. That means gas is going to end up something crazy, like $5 per gallon.
Donovan McNabb: Unemployment is way up as well, higher than it’s been since the 1980s. I just saw the announcement on CNN.
Senator Specter: I also read that inflation was way up again, Israel just threatened to bomb Iran, and the Real World house is in shambles now that they drunk kid is coming back from rehab. What the heck should we do? Which crisis do I address first? I am an important Senator, after all.
Joey Porter: How about getting me my Super Bowl ring!
Donovan McNabb: Yeah, Belichick is a cheater!
Senator Specter: Get my secretary on the phone! Let’s enter my official findings on Spygate into the Congressional Record, then talk to reporters again! Bill Belichick will pay! By the way, how’s my Comcast stock doing?
The Oakland Raiders are trying to win me back. Or win me for the first time. Whatever.
First, they draft McFadden, whom I love. Now they’ve reportedly already signed him to a six year, $60 million deal. It’s almost like they’re a competent franchise again. Or for the first time. Whatever.
For those of you who missed it, I was on the Papa Joe radio show last week. Joe had an emergency, so he was off for the night and I was interviewed by the fill-in host. I think it went well, except that in retrospect I allowed the interview to go way off point.
I didn’t want to get into a Spygate discussion. The Patriots cheated, the NFL punished them. Maybe they got off easy, maybe they didn’t. The article I wrote was about Specter’s involvement, not the merits of Spygate itself.
To me, Spygate is old news. Specter’s involvement is still current. I wanted to stay on topic and discuss whether or not government should be involved in the enforcement of National Football League rules. I was dragged into another direction.
A friend of mine with radio experience told me that I should have gone into the interview with three main points, and stuck to them no matter what. The next time I’m on, I plan to go into it with that plan.
We’ll see how it goes.
By the way, the pregnant pause in the beginning of the interview was due to me not hearing what the host said. I completely missed the reference he made, so I ended up pausing for a second, then moving on as if nothing happened. It was probably the only uncomfortable moment of the interview.
I have to thank Bleacher Report for giving me the opportunity to do this. 102 articles written, 101 fans, over 1200 comments, almost 150,000 reads, a quote in the Wall Street Journal’s Daily Fix, and an interview on a nationally syndicated radio show—none of which happens without the Bleacher Report.
I think the Patriots are actively pursuing the status of most hated team in the history of professional sports.
First Rodney Harrison goes all Jason Giambi on us, then whole Spygate thing happens, then they decide to take their hurt pride out on the rest of the NFL and start a "running up the score" debate, then they lose the Super Bowl and walk off the field before the game’s officially over, then they have two drug arrests, an additional drug-related incident, and an overrated right tackle turning NARC on his dealer to save his own ass.
The Patriots are becoming the new Oakland Raiders.
Al Davis must be turning over in his grave. After all, he invented spying on opposing teams and nobody is giving him any credit. No respect.
I was going to officially endorse Obama for president, but I’m still not sure if my endorsement helps or hurts. Needless to say, I will be voting for him in the fall for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I’m currently writing a sports article tonight instead of going out on a Friday night because my car is out of gas and only rich people can afford to fill up a ten gallon gas tank.
Read an article today on Bleacher Report that said Jerry Jones was the best owner in sports—and it wasn’t even in the Humor section!
I’m as confused as you are.
The Red Sox taking over first place is good, the Celtics winning game one in the NBA Finals is even better, but nothing tops the fact that Eliza Dushku is returning to TV in the fall!
The show is called Dollhouse, it’ll be on Fox, it’s made by the guy who made Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, and I guarantee it’ll be on my TV every week until it’s canceled.
And since I’m excited about the show, the over under for cancellation is about three weeks.
Speaking of new shows, I’m not at all excited about the new 90210. Not even remotely. 90210 just bring back bad memories of my high school girlfriend forcing me to turn off Red Sox games to watch a night-time soap opera.
90210, Melrose Place, Dawson’s Creek…all shows I wish were never made.
Although, without 90210, we wouldn’t have Luke Perry. Without Luke Perry, OZ wouldn’t have been nearly as cool.
Or sideburns. Which are hella cool.
I forgot, this was supposed to be an NFL column.
Some Community Leader I am. Since I’ve become community leader, I’ve written like ten NFL columns and thirty NBA ones. Thank God for John Fennelly.
Bill Parcells claims that he didn’t purposely ignore Jason Taylor. Because he would never do something like that. Ever.
No excuse for not trading Taylor if the right deal comes up. If all you can get is a fourth round pick, then fine. Keep him.
But if they can get a second, I think they owe it to him to move him to a contender.
It’s not like they’re winning anything this year anyway.
I’ll end this with my top five teams, as of June 6th:
5) Dallas Cowboys—the boys will be the class of the NFC in the regular season again.
4) Indianapolis Colts—Peyton’s team will be good again, but not as good without Marvin Harrison.
3) Jacksonville Jaguars—I finally got on the bandwagon after they lost to the Patriots. I’m not getting off until they lose to the Patriots again.
1) New England Patriots—they may have worn down at the end of last season, but they were still the best team I’ve ever seen. They remain that way until proven otherwise.
Sorry Giant fans, not this year.
Sean Crowe is a Senior Writer at Bleacher Report. You can email him at email@example.com. His archive can be found here. You can find everything he writes, including articles for other publications, here.
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