The 2014 Chiefs are going to be nasty.
Not in a "They're stacked on Madden, bro!" sense—they'll likely be that too, Stiffler—but rather in a thudding kind of way that moves the Richter needle and prompts "They hurt my baby!" howls from panic-stricken mothers.
This offseason, John Dorsey signed one of the most feared and revered hitters in the NFL: Joe Mays. In terms of lateral agility, he's not as quick-footed as Akeem Jordan, but athleticism isn't a prerequisite for his (primary) job description.
The returns of Travis Kelce and Sanders Commings, whose rookie seasons accounted for three combined snaps due to injury, add another layer of physicality.
While watching predraft tape of Kelce last year, there were times, particularly on special teams, when I thought he was going to be booked for manslaughter. While snagging passes, he's an amply athletic tight end. Off the field, he seems like a carefree, fun-loving guy...most of the time.
But when he is sealing edges or stampeding downfield, bless the souls who fall within his cross hairs, because odds are that he's about to treat them like someone who just spat on his puppy.
I've made a lot about the fact that Commings is a king-sized corner/safety who runs a 4.41 40-yard dash, per NFL Draft Scout. Make no mistake, though: He isn't cut from the same cloth as most speedy defenders. His mentality is a far cry from finesse.
At free safety, the position that Dorsey envisions him playing, per the team's official website, Commings' contact-craving, red-eyed demeanor gives Bob Sutton an extra dimension to scheme with.
Last year, if a safety was deployed on a blitz, said safety's jersey was going to have (Eric) "Berry" stamped across the shoulders—Kendrick Lewis isn't shivering any spines. Introduce Commings into the picture—being that Berry has the straight-line speed of a Cover 1 deep safety—and defensive intentions become muddled.
Factor in possible starter Rishaw Johnson, an ill-intentioned guard with, as Pro Football Weekly noted, "meat hooks for hands," and it appears that 2014 ticket holders will be getting more bang(s) for their buck.
One thing Kansas City isn't going to be? Overly flashy.
The Chiefs haven't wooed herds of household names this offseason, and in all likelihood, the only diamonds they'll unearth are of the rough variety via the draft.
Meanwhile, the Denver Broncos landed a batch of free-agent gems. With the minute hand nearing Peyton Manning's wake-up call from Father Time, they were forced to.
But if the Seattle Seahawks taught us anything, it's that all that glitters isn't gold. Or in the NFL's case, sterling silver.