I work. I work a lot of hours. I love my fantasy football, but sometimes I don't have much time to get onto my Yahoo fantasy football team to see how I am crushing my opponent.
Oh yes, you heard my ego loud and clear. I plan to see my opponents crushed. I love to see the smack talk dwindle to petty excuses of injuries, bye weeks, and Mark Sanchez obscenities.
I came up to week 1 with probably the best team in a 10-team league, with the 2nd best name ( 3-4 Stunner ). I am also credited with the best name, for I changed it to "Team Beast" after I traded away Phillip Rivers in exchange for Frank Gore.
My team looked looked like the fantasy team of destiny:
QB - Peyton Manning
WRs - TJ Houz ( can't spell his goddamn name ), Steve Smith ( NY ), Reggie Wayne
RBs - Adrian Peterson, Frank Gore
TE - Dallas Clark
Week 1, I was sure of sweeping the league. By week 4 with a 2-1 record, I laid back to wait for the playoffs to come to me. But, with week 7 coming to a close, I could have a 3-4 record by the end of tonight's game, and a whole slew of smack talk to enjoy as the best team in my league falls into the fantasy cellar.
This may be happening to you, right? You have an amazing team, you score 130 points, and you lose because the Jets decides to give up 100 rushing yards and two touchdowns in one quarter to the Dolphins! Maybe the total opposite is happening, and you somehow manage to squeak out multiple victories upon a San Fransisco defense scoring 35 fantasy points, or Tom Brady playing back-to-back college teams.
For you, with the bad luck of having to lose in fantasy because of the illogical & stupendous, I feel you. For the rest of you, who somehow are undefeated and somehow your quarterback is David Garrard, this top five is for you. I need to get my anger out, so here are my top five most annoying things for week 7. Add your own to the comments; let us all tell our stories.
#5: Matt Cassel: Fall From Grace Sad Annoying )
This is just hilarity that Cassel's contract contains more millions of guaranteed money ( $28 million ) than his QB rating on Sunday ( 25.3 ). If you are from Boston, you probably remember those pink hats who would call up WEEI and call for keeping Matt Cassel over Brady. I say we should trade those "Patriot" fans to KC, so they can suck it up with Matt and get off the sports radio stations.
He'll be a better QB someday with a better team, but if you thought he was worth your 4th,5th,6th, or even 7th round, or even your starting job, he might ( or has already ) cost you the playoffs.
10 for 25 for passing, Matty? If I had him starting and seen these, I would Ryu dragon punch the next stranger on the street, with fire coming out my fist.
#4: The Patriots, Breaking My Fragile Heart ( Annoying Great )
" But the Patriots, Red? I thought you liked the Patriots!"
What is annoying about America's True Team is that they have faced off against two atrocious opponents, play near-average, and have their players come off with scores of points.
Yea, if you had Tom Brady on your team, you didn't even have to prepare the last two weeks. If you lost any of the last two games and you had Tom starting, you deserve to lose every game going forward.
The worst thing about it is if you are facing a fantasy opponent who has Tom Brady and/or Moss and/or Wes Welker, you didn't stand a chance this week. Tom Brady played a horrible game, and still managed to rack up fantasy points. Wes Welker AND Tom Brady is on the same team somewhere in Fantasy-land, and whoever faced them this weekend is probably finishing up the last of their Zoloft.
#3 Frank Gore comes back, and Alex Smith is the Fantasy Hero. ( Annoying )
WTF?!? Alex Smith comes out of nowhere, and racks up points. But Frank Gore comes back, fresh as a baby's cheek, and gets only 32 yards against a soft Houston Texan run-D? I didn't get Frank Gore so Smith can start an aerial assault on the NFL.
As for the former number #1 pick, great friggin' game! Welcome back to the gridiron.
#2 Yahoo FINALLY Gets an Autosuggester for Player List ( great previously annoying )
Remember those days where it took seven clicks and four pages to find Marion Barber? Well now, Yahoo Fantasy Football ( and probably the other sports too ) have an autosuggestion function that suggests the players for you while you type.
Now its much easier to look at statistics, and make stupid decisions that will destroy your team even faster.
#1 Watching a Kicker ( David Akers ) Make or Break Your Week ( Annoying! )
So, in my fantasy matchup this week, I had Gore tally up five points, and it has left me with only a 5.75 cushion going into Monday Night Football. The only other player between me and my opponent that is playing is David Akers.
I hoped that my Monday night would be filled with the freedom to go food shopping, drink a couple of brews, hone my mediocre writing skills, or walk around in my undies around my house singing Creedence Clearwater Revival ( should mention that this would go hand-in-hand with the beer ).
But now, I am fully clothed, nervous, and checking the weather in Washington D.C. to see if there is precipitation heavy enough to keep the bastard kicker off the field. And with the kicker, THERE IS NO LOGIC.
Akers will need 6 points to win. He can kick two field goals. He can kick a field goal, and three extra points. He could kick 6 field goals, blow my team out of the water, but the Eagles could still lose 27-18 ( funny score, I know, it cracked me up too ). In normal circumstances, with offensive players, you could root for them to screw up or excel.
With the kicker, I have to hope for a complete shutout, or for a ridiculous red zone efficiency that would keep him off the field. These are not the memories I want to accrue in my youth to pass down to my children. I don't want to tell them tales of watching a football game, rooting against McNabb before he reaches the 30, then rooting for him to score after the 30. How un-cool of a dad will I be?
I don't want to meet Akers in real life, who is probably a great guy, in the future and always have in the back of my head,"This guy ruined my team in 2009". How can I constantly immerse myself in humanity if this is the crap I'm thinking about all day? My girlfriend tells me I need to stop watching sports so much, but I know the reason. The reason is David Akers, and I hope he doesn't cost me the season tonight.
Most annoying thing about fantasy football this week. Do you have one? I would love to hear it.