What about your “brand,” B-Roy?
Aren’t there more shoes to be sold, cologne to be sprayed or posters to be displayed in Chicago, Dallas or the Bay Area?
Don’t you want to, “bring basketball back to the state of Indiana,” or help Kyrie Irving ease the suffering of NBA fans in Cleveland? In case you haven’t heard, some dude named LeBron left town and they started to burn stuff.
You’re different B-Roy.
Why can’t you be indecisive like Dwight Howard?
Why can’t you tell Golden State you’re joining them, then say you’d rather play in Chicago, then say “well Dallas just won a championship,” then say, “but Chicago has better basketball history,” then say “but Dallas has better weather,” and then end up signing a two-year deal with the Blazers?
Why can’t you be pouty like Lamar Odom?
Why can’t you join the Mavericks, throw a hissy fit, refuse to play and force your way out of town?
Why can’t you be insensitive like LeBron James?
Why can’t you throw a giant television special telling Cleveland you’re joining them, then finish by saying, “just kidding, I love basketball, but I’d rather stay retired than play in Cleveland.”
Film it with hidden cameras and throw it up on MTV and it would be the best episode of Punk’d ever.
But no, Brandon Roy, you made a decision sans ESPN Special, and as far as we know you are sticking with it.
And, damn, we’re thankful for it out here in Minnesota.
On the day after the Wild became relevant by signing Zach Parise and Ryan Suter, you just provided the icing on the cake!
You are exactly what we’re looking for.
We know we’ve only got Kevin Love for threeish years.
We know we’ve got a playmaker in Ricky Rubio and a big man in Nikola Pekovic.
We know we just had addition-by-subtraction by letting ball hog Michael Beasley go, and that Wesley Johnson can’t hit a three point shot to save his life.
So, yeah, your career .352 three-point percentage is welcome here.
I know, I know, we drafted you and traded you for Randy Foye (Randy-bleeping-Foye) and cash, essentially saying, “yeah, management here doesn’t really care about winning as long as we make money.” But, hey, that was the old management.
Yes, we’re the team that drafted 900 point guards in 2009 (rough estimate). Yes, we’re the team that traded away Ty Lawson and kept Jonny Flynn (Jonny-bleeping-Flynn). Yes, we’re the team that traded for Darko Milicic (yes, that Darko).
But hey, the fact that you’re willing to come here, after all that we’ve done wrong, both baffles and excites me.
Then again, the Wolves looks like a (dare I say it?) competitive team.
You officially just passed Joe Mauer as the athlete-most-likely-to-have-a-knee-injury in town, but that’s a risk we’re willing to take.
After all, if you, Rubio, Love and Co. can stay healthy and win a championship in Minnesota, you can erase all that futility from our minds!
Tom Schreier writes a weekly column for TheFanManifesto.com.
Follow him on Twitter @tschreier3.