Undercard Overhaul 6: More Angles to Improve WWE TV

Undercard Overhaul is a fantasy booking series which operates on one golden rule: being memorable is everything.

Wrestling is an industry that thrives on spectacle and people have millions (if not billions) of entertainment alternatives if WWE fails to deliver a compelling product.

With that in mind, let's take a look at five more angles that can turn WWE's struggling undercard from monotonous to majestic.

5. Jericho Wins the Royal Rumble

WWE didn't have a match to determine the last entrant in this Sunday's Royal Rumble because they didn't want to spoil a major surprise: Chris Jericho will be number 30 and he'll win in the most controversial fashion possible.

The way it goes down:

The only guys left in the ring are Sheamus and Wade Barrett, with the impending arrival of Jericho at 30. (He hasn't been in yet; he said he was going to be in it; the mystery's over this far into the match.) Wade and Sheamus have been going back and forth on Smackdown for weeks and they seem to be the most logical choices for Top Three (seeing as Kane and Cena will probably eliminate each other early).

Anyway, the counter winds down and Jericho comes out in his sparkly jacket.

Instead of getting directly into the ring, however, he mugs for the crowd, handing out high fives around ringside and smiling like an idiot while Sheamus and Wade trade blows. He does this for five minutes before sitting down with commentary to talk about how great it is to be back, then mugs for another five minutes while his opponents continue to beat each other to a pulp.

Sheamus hits Wade with a Brogue Kick but turns his attention to Jericho instead of attempting an elimination. Jericho eggs him on, distracting Sheamus while Wade recovers, and jumps up and down like a madman when Barrett gives the Great White a Cactus Jack-style clothesline over the top rope, eliminating them both.

Jericho slides in to claim victory without ever lifting a finger, an over-the-top celebration ensues, and the show goes off the air with Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler wondering what the heck just happened.

The next night on Raw, WWE's Chief Operating Officer Triple H, citing unsportsmanlike conduct, forces Jericho to defend his title shot at Wrestlemania in an Elimination Chamber match at the titular next pay-per-view.

4. The War of English Pedigree

Wade Barrett is an interesting creature.

Paired with Chris Jericho on NXT and thrust into the spotlight as leader of the statement-making group Nexus, in a feud against John Cena, Wade was obviously something special.

He was then drafted to Smackdown and looked a little lost in the woods, momentum seemingly gone and sunk further down the card thanks to his involvement in a head-scratching outfit called the Corre.

WWE is trying to reignite Wade's fire by pitting him against their other top Superstar, Randy Orton, (and giving him a less laughable finisher) which has led to talk (both on-screen and off) of Barrett winning the Royal Rumble and going on to be the first English world champion in history.

The curiosity in this, of course, is the fact that William Regal, pro wrestling stalwart and English mat technician, has been simultaneously campaigning for a world championship match via Twitter.

Regal's pleas may be in response to a long (and storied) career coming to a close, one last push for an underrated Legend, but what if this is a shoot and Regal's trying to make something happen for himself before it happens for Wade? 

Does Regal deserve it?

Disregarding that powder keg of an argument altogether, WWE has a ready-made feud here between two guys who'd tear the house down trying to prove their worth, egos be damned. Wade could learn a lot from Regal, they'd produce a ton of compelling TV and the WWE Universe would benefit more than anybody.

Here's how it happens:

Barrett is starting to show that no, he might not be ready for the big time. Maybe he loses a big No. 1 Contender's match.

Regal comes in, offers some encouragement and his services as a manager and friend.

Regal says he's too old to compete against guys like Mark Henry and Big Show, but there's a lot he can teach Wade, and the two of them together can prove that British wrestling is still the greatest style of wrestling on the planet.

Regal accompanies Wade to the ring (when they're not teaming) and Barrett begins using "the power of the punch" while Regal preaches patience. Barrett's got enough juice to win the belt but Regal tells him that experience says he's not ready to keep it, not the way WWE abuses its champions who don't cow-tow or make kiss-kiss faces at the fans. He needs more training.

Wade works his way across the roster, winning every match he's involved in, when suddenly comes his big pay-per-view shot at the World Heavyweight Championship.

Barrett looks in control, looks like he's going to win the match, when Regal interferes and costs him the gold. No way is Lord Steven gonna let some bollocks newcomer be the first English world champion while he can still lace up his boots!

Regal cuts a promo the next week on Smackdown, saying that he's the only man in wrestling who deserves to be the first English world champion. He reveals his plan to keep Wade out of the main event as long as he could and then cost him the opportunity when it finally arose.

Wade hits the ring and they brawl for awhile before being broken up by security, and Teddy Long makes them opponents in a tag team match later that night.

This goes on for several weeks, neither clearly getting the upper hand as the feud morphs into a game of "Anything you can do, I can do better!" 

In a four-way elimination match, for example, when Regal slaps someone in the Stretch, Barrett will drop their other opponent in a submission and both opponents will tap out at the same time, leaving Wade and Regal to brawl on the outside and get counted out.

If Regal beats Ezekial Jackson, Wade has to beat him too, so on and so forth until they come to a rubber match. It's the opportunity they've both been fighting for: a pay-per-view bout to determine the No. 1 Contender, and which one of them gets a chance to make their dreams come true.

The match would end in a classic schmozz, Bridging Back Suplex Pin and two referees, both of whom make a three-count but neither for the same man. Without a clear winner, Teddy Long gives both Wade and Regal a shot at the title in a three-way dance at the next pay-per-view.

Where it goes from there depends on the direction WWE wants to take their product. At the end of the day, though, Regal's been given one last main event push and both guys look better for having been rivals.

3. R-Truth Done Gets Culture

After a long and messy feud, management decides to separate R-Truth and Miz on a more permanent basis.

Miz stays on Raw while R-Truth is sent to Smackdown, where he tries (and often fails) to make friends with everybody on the roster.

No one knows what to do with him, despite R-Truth assuring everyone that he's turned over a new leaf.

One Superstar who is particularly affronted by R-Truth's presence is Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes, who feels that Ron is a "classless, uncouth rube" who has no place among sports entertainment's elite.

R-Truth replies, "What? You don't think R-Truth can be intercontinental? I'll show you intercontinental!"

(R-Truth says "intercontinental" better than anyone in WWE; this angle is an excuse for me to have him say it two or three times per interview, if not more.)

Snubbed by Rhodes, Truth sets out to prove that he can be just as worldly and "intercontinental" as anybody else. To do this, he starts interrupting Cody's matches with bizarre history lessons and even crazier costumes, not unlike the Confederacy uniform he wore a few months ago.

I see Truth marching down to the ring in a kimono and calling out Cody while he's trying to wrestle, saying, "Did you know that Japan is an island? And did you also know, there's so many people in Japan that they had to start building cities in the clouds? This lesson in how to be intercontinental is brought to you by Little Jimmy. You're welcome!"

One week Truth would be a Cold War Russian. The next week he'd be the Iron Sheik, then Canadian hero Bret Hart. Fans wouldn't know what they were going to see next but wrestling is at its finest when totally unpredictable and even spoiler-mongers would tune in to see Truth's madness unfold.

Ron Killings' blend of crazy and hilarious is the perfect segue into a feud with a straight-shooter like Cody Rhodes; the contrast begs to be taken advantage of.

R-Truth's shenanigans would, of course, cost Cody several matches and Rhodes would demand R-Truth be fired. Teddy Long would think that maybe Truth is just trying to fit in and deserves a chance, and gets him to stop interrupting Cody's matches by offering R-Truth a shot at the Intercontinental Championship (or allowing him to win the shot in a battle royal).

Cody, incensed, begins ambushing Truth backstage, which makes Truth try even harder to prove that he's worldly and deserves Rhodes' acceptance as a member of the Smackdown roster.

2. Full Blooded Irishman

Suffering an existential crisis, disenchanted and wondering why he doesn't get a pop like John Cena, Alex Riley takes a microphone to the crowd and starts asking (planted) fans what they think of him.

Their answers are startlingly similar: "You're boring!"

A-Ry loses it and tells everyone that he's "got personality! Just you wait and see!"

Riley spends the next few weeks asking other wrestlers why people don't like him and their responses range from "all that time you spent with the Miz" to "bland as a saltine cracker."

He then asks Interim Raw General Manager John Laurinaitis what he can do to get over.

"I'm glad you finally came to me, Alex. I might be the only one in the building who gets a crowd reaction like John Cena," Ace replies, technically telling the truth. "The answer is simple: go back to your roots. A lot of sports entertainers do really well for themselves by embracing their cultural heritage."

Cue A-Ry doing cross-promotional detective work on Ancestry.com.

"Saints and Begora!" he proclaims. "I'm Irish!"

Later that night, Sheamus has a match against whoever. The Great White hits a Brogue Kick but, before he can make the cover, his music hits. Commentary buries the production crew but it's not a mistake: it's Alex Riley walking down the ramp in Sheamus' old green coat and Celtic crown, Hornswaggle in tow.

A-Ry and Hornswaggle slap hands all around ringside and cheer Sheamus on, who almost gets rolled up by his opponent but kicks out at two. They're really laying it on.

Another Brogue Kick and pin-fall later, Sheamus looks at A-Ry and Hornswaggle like, "What in the Green Hell are you two doing?" as they enter the ring and start celebrating, mounting all four corners and raising a flabbergasted Sheamus' arm in victory.

Cut to commercial.

Sheamus is in the back with Riley and Hornswaggle, telling them that they can't just run in on his matches. A-Ry defends the decision, saying that he and Sheamus are like brothers now that they share a common ancestry, and he thought Hornswaggle deserved to join the team, as well.

"Whoa there, fella," Sheamus says, confused. "What team are you talking about?"

"The Irish Exchange!" Riley proclaims. "We'll be the next big thing! We'll do shamrocks and horseshoes and the fans will love us!"

Sheamus frowns, bursting Riley's bubble, "Listen, Alex, I'm glad you've found your roots but I'm a lone wolf. If you wanna sit at the pub and trade stories about your Aunt Petunia, I'd be honored, but you've gotta leave me be in the ring."

Sheamus walks off, shaking his head.

It takes a second to sink in but then A-Ry starts to scowl and turns on Hornswaggle, clotheslining him off a table into a trash can. He points after Sheamus and shouts, "Fine! If you don't want to be partners, I'll... I'll... There can be only one!"

Next week,, Alex Riley comes out with his new manager, recently rehired Fit Finlay, and challenges Sheamus to an Irish Strap match at the next pay-per-view, if his heart is brave enough. (Mixed stereotypes, I know -- bear with me.) Sheamus answers the challenge, telling A-Ry that he's got no beef against him and it's not too late to shake hands and walk away.

Sheamus offers his hand but Finlay clobbers him from behind with the Shillelagh and Alex Riley locks the Great White into his version of the Celtic (Texas) Cloverleaf, a new finisher for a new attitude.

Prior to their match at the pay-per-view, we get a video package detailing A-Ry's jealousy-fueled descent into villainy.

Wary of Finlay at ringside, Sheamus gives Riley a last chance to call it off as the referee straps them together. Riley (exhibiting cajones of steel) slaps the taste out of Sheamus' mouth and pays for it with a big clothesline.

Riley is able to stay in the game with a variety of strap-based submissions, wearing Sheamus down, but the Great White keeps brawling back. Finlay interferes, costing Sheamus the match and setting the stage for a longer battle between these green-themed Superstars.

The rivalry ends in a Loser-Renounces-His-Heritage match, sending Riley back to developmental and freeing Fit to help Dustin Rhodes with the Divas backstage.

1. Christian, Ultimate Altruist

Christian will always have his Peeps, myself among them.

He's held dozens of championships in WWE and TNA, has a history of memorable catchphrases and story-lines, and is a sure bet to deliver five-star matches against two-star opponents every night of the week.

The 38-year-old grappler might be entering the final stages of his career but he's certainly not out of gas, and Christian's cult following might hold the key to another noteworthy run at the top.

I don't want to say "Vince McMahon hates Internet fans" but he and they are often at odds, and I see Vince using Christian's return as an opportunity to parody hardcore Peeps by making them out to be mindless sheep who'll do anything Christian wants -- and I mean anything.

Captain Charisma returns from his injury surrounded by an entourage of hangers-on and yes men who endure the former World Heavyweight Champion's knobby attitude for "a brush with greatness."

Christian begins describing himself as "the ultimate altruist" for giving these fans their fifteen minutes of fame.

In exchange, they fight over the chance to get him a cup of coffee or dry clean his tights. Which set of beautiful twins will be his dates tonight? They'll brush his hair, clip his toe-nails and, best of all, carry him to the ring on a sedan chair.

(The similarity between this and the Edge Heads is intentional, given he and Edge's parallel careers, but this angle takes on a life of its own. The posse will be much larger, comprised of a rotating cast and, most importantly, won't wrestle. In fact, if WWE wanted to make some money for charity, they could auction off spots in Christian's court on eBay so the Peeps would actually be Peeps.)

Herein lies the conflict: there's a long line of undercard faces who work hard to please the fans and really appreciate anyone who wants to be on their bandwagon. One of these wrestlers (Zack Ryder for the sake of argument) takes offense to how Christian's treating his Peeps and tries to dismantle the cult of personality before he can humiliate anyone else.

Christian's argument, that he doesn't have any Kool-Aid and his entourage is there of their own free will, instigates a feud with Ryder, who tries to show the Peeps that they're the ones who made Christian, not the other way around, and that they deserve respect.

Cheap Pops

If you enjoyed this installment of Undercard Overhaul, you might also enjoy previous entries in the series.

Vol. One featured the Celtic Connection; the Funky Fossils; Heath Slater No More; the Savage Samoans; and the Cole-Guerrero Coalition.

Vol. Two featured Marked for Death; Kofi Kingston, Problem Solver; Christian's Curse; Attention-Seeking Hypochondriac; and Atten-Hut!

Vol. Three featured S.O.B. Inc.; Jack Swagger, American Ambassador; Resurrect the Hardcore Championship; Diversify the Divas; and "I'm Tyler Black and I'm Here to Wrestle."

Vol. Four featured Cena to Smackdown; the African Embassy; Stereotypical Struggle; Johnny Curtis, Ultimate Hero; and Perry Saturn Enters the Royal Rumble.

Vol. Five: Power Trip Edition featured Exit Ace; Enter Austin; Teddy Long's Happy Ending; Commission...er Rules; and Triple H Talks Titles.

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