WWE's Kevin Nash and Ultimate Warrior's Twitter War: Please Shut the Hell Up

Alfred KonuwaFeatured ColumnistJanuary 6, 2012

The professional wrestling industry has no shortage on the embittered and rant-happy. Sure, it can be an ugly business with unhappy endings, and those who choose to sound off about its pitfalls have every right to be heard. But there eventually comes a time where it becomes necessary to move on.

When I see fit, I will single out those who have abused their piss-and-moan privileges and request that they cease all complaints and/or diatribes and live what's left of their lives. Taking cues from an old Chris Jericho catchphrase, I implore you—the disillusioned wrestling personality—to please shut the hell up.

As the world wide leader of sports and entertainment, the WWE serves as a refuge for a lot of things.  Part frat house.  Part homeless shelter.  Part senior citizens home. 

In recent years, the WWE has tried its best to move their more seasoned talents away from the spotlight, and for the most part, they have done a commendable job.  However, all any embittered wrestler needs to make a headline these days is a Twitter account and a piss-poor attitude—140 characters at a time, of course. 

Enter Jim Helwig, The Ultimate Warrior. Warrior.  The former megastar turn failed heir apparent to Hulk Hogan has demonstrated a pattern of self-destructive (as WWE so eloquently put it), self-promotional tactics that have earned him a seemingly eternal spot on the outside of the fed looking in. 

With so many crazy and, at times, incoherent rants coming from the counterproductive mouth of Warrior both in and out of character (is there a difference?), Warrior's plunge into the social media circuit was a victory for absurdity before the former WWE Champion struck a single key.  

Following a familiar anti-Hogan campaign with the objective of peddling a tell-all DVD besmirching the Hulkster, the Warrior remained relatively serene on his Twitter account, using the powerful micro-blogging tool to plug in-costume appearances native to the post-relevant lifestyle of a senior superstar. 

However, all it took was one single fan's question for all hell to break loose. 

When asked why he doesn't dye his hair to maintain a youthful look like unofficial "Just for Men" spokesperson, Kevin Nash, Warrior quipped:

I’m not a d--khead who thrives on stealing the limelight from young guys.

It's only necessary that we now take the time to congratulate Kevin-Nash-stealing-heat-from-young-talent jokes on their 15th anniversary. 

Been there.  Done that. 

Always one for self-promotion at all costs, Nash responded—loquaciously—to a joke he clearly has yet to develop a tolerance for despite its obsolescence. 

Just because Joe Kapp and former professional wrestler Angelo Mosca put on one helluva old-man fight last year does not mean such geriatric magic can be replicated by another pair of aging egomaniacs. 

Christening the first has-been Twitter feud between wrestlers of 2012, Nash—obviously confusing Ultimate Warring for Ultimate fighting—would go on to challenge the Warrior to a shoot fight on his own Twitter account, saying:

Never realized I had a problem with Jim (Warrior). Seemed to get along fine in Scottsdale. Come on my clown, turn that frown upside down.

@UltimateWarrior: A true warrior never turns down a challenge. Put up a 100K. I’ll do the same. 3 rounds. mma rules. winner take all.

I’m talking shoot, not sports entertainment. Jim Hellwig needs to put up or shut the f--- up. Day before Mania in Miami area. Warrior will have to pass all hiv and hep a b and c tests. I’ll do the same.

At least Nash is concerned with safety precautions.  The only thing worse than losing a shoot fight to a 52-year-old who paints his face would be getting AIDS from him. 

Nash would continue:

I’m tired of this guy talking s--- about the boys & me. When they stop it or you tap, i’ll quit, or you can apologize like the c--- you are.

Feuds of this nature in pro wrestling will always be followed by a cloud of doubt as to whether or not the feud is an elaborate work, but few should care, regardless. 

Nash and Warrior should be nowhere near WrestleMania.  Not in a shoot fight. Not in a worked match. Not in the stands watching others perform the craft they can't seem to escape—like a cigarette addict in a smoke shop—as there remains the looming possibility of their insatiable egos provoking them to jump the barricade for one last headline-making splash. 

Suffice to say retirement is out of the question for these two.  Narcissism knows no such word. 

So for now, all I can ask is that both Warrior and Nash heed the theme of this ongoing series.  You boys know the drill. 


#STHU: Chavo Guerrero | Gail Kim | Matt Hardy | Chris Jericho | Chyna | WWE-Twitter | CM Punk | WWE Turkeys | Nash-Warrior

Big Nasty won three Fantasy FaNASTY Football Championships in 2011 and he still had time to break down Chris Jericho's return.  See him do both on B/R Video.