WWE's Future Endeavered Protest Turkey Article: Please Shut the Hell Up

Alfred Konuwa@@ThisIsNastyFeatured ColumnistNovember 27, 2011

The professional wrestling industry has no shortage on the embittered and rant-happy. Sure, it can be an ugly business with unhappy endings, and those who choose to sound off about its pitfalls have every right to be heard. But there eventually comes a time where it becomes necessary to move on.

When I see fit, I will single out those who have abused their piss-and-moan privileges and request that they cease all complaints and/or diatribes and live what's left of their lives. Taking cues from an old Chris Jericho catchphrase, I implore you—the disillusioned wrestling personality—to please shut the hell up.

Signing a contract with the WWE is by no means an indication that one has made it in the wrestling business. In fact, it is often the biggest risk an aspiring professional wrestler will ever take in their career. 

Upon signing a WWE contract, most aspiring superstars must spend several weeks, months and/or years toiling in developmental territory.

Should they hang around long enough to get noticed and called up to the main roster, said superstar is then faced with the tireless task of "getting over" with a mainstream audience amidst backstage politics. Failure at any level in the WWE usually means the biggest door of prosperity in the industry has slammed shut.

The majority of former WWE Superstars who are given their walking papers, or "future endeavored," must spend the rest of their professional careers on the independent circuit, as their previous ejection from a mainstream platform is often insurmountable in terms of a possible comeback.   

Former WWE Superstar Kizarny is none too pleased with WWE's latest article.
Former WWE Superstar Kizarny is none too pleased with WWE's latest article.

Such is the story with Vito LoGrasso and Nick "Kizarny" Cvjetkovich, both of whom were "featured in a recent Thanksgiving-themed article on WWE.com counting down WWE's biggest turkeys.

As is the case with most WWE.com articles, the slideshow was mildly entertaining, with either a particularly cruel fondness towards careers that didn't quite work out or a tongue-in-cheek jab at those still employed with the WWE (i.e. Michael Cole being included in this list.) 

Those who weren't still employed didn't take to kindly to being called turkeys, which is understandable. What wasn't understandable is the subsequent dramatization of an article that probably gave the likes of Vito and Kizarny the most exposure they've had since wearing dresses (Vito) and doing whatever it was that Kizarny did while having a cup of coffee in the big leagues. 

Vito has since taken to Twitter, where he and the silent minority who remember him rhapsodize over how evil the WWE is for trying to ruin his life with one of those deadly, themed articles of theirs. 

In this interview, Vito threatens to protest what he calls being bullied by the WWE by taking the matter to GLAAD and even TMZ—who I'd imagine would package together a mean-spirited one-liner in response—thus further mocking Vito and defeating the purpose of his already unnecessary protest. 

Kizarny also reacted to the WWE.com article in dramatic fashion, and among the burrow of manopausal sympathy coughed up on Kizarny's Twitter account lay this gem:

"So much for anti-bullying @WWE @JoeyStyles. Receiving tons of positive messages    is the only thing that saved my Thanksgiving that u wrecked!”

There remains a competing theory that Kizarny's Thanksgivings were ruined years ago when he struck out on an 0-2 pitch during a brief at-bat with the world wide leader in sports entertainment.

The WWE is certainly not absolved of all wrongdoing for poking fun at careers that didn't pan out, and in turn, lampooning lives that are currently in shambles, but that's what aspiring WWE talent sign up for when they sign their professional identities away in hopes of becoming WWE superstars. 

It's best to let sleeping dogs lie, even when the fed tries to awake them to drive traffic to their site in a  demonically festive sort of way. One of the many negative side-effects of a failed WWE career is the WWE's right to make light of such failures in any way they see fit. Those who do not appreciate this seemingly unfair disadvantage need not take the risk of joining the WWE in the first place.

#STHU: Chavo Guerrero | Gail Kim | Matt Hardy | Chris Jericho | Chyna | WWE-Twitter | CM Punk | WWE Turkeys

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