The Akron Zips & D1 College Mascots Nobody Has Ever Seen in Real Life (Part 1)

In the wake of Penn State's off the field struggles, I've begun to wonder what a Nittany Lion actually is.  

In this regard, there are tons of Division I schools with mascots that are neither real, nor anybody has ever seen them in real life. These schools tend to not have larger athletic budgets and certainly don't get the same recruiting classes as the Ohio State's and Texas' of the world.  

Fortunately for these programs, they do have the spunk, pizazz, and funky mascots that fanbases latch onto.  

The burning question remains: If you've never seen it before, that probably means it's mythical/magical/made-up and thus, when you see a bizarre mascot run onto the court or field, you can't help but feel attached to him/her. Right?

This is the first part of a two-part series in about college mascots that nobody has ever seen in real life, but we love anyways. 

Akron Zips: Nickname Zippy

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Akron's mascot is nicknamed Zippy and despite his appearance, is in fact a kangaroo.  The actual nickname is based on the invention of the zipper, which occurred in Akron, Ohio. 

According to this hysterical video, Zippy is known to some as a "kangaroo with a thyroid problem." That pretty much sums up why you've never seen a kangaroo that looks like Zippy.

How can you not love this oversized idiot?  

Notable alumni: football players Charlie Frye, Dwight Smith, and current Miami Dolphins' one-game winner, Jason Taylor. 

Alabama Crimson Tide: You Can't Possibly Argue You've Seen This One

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First of all, college football has consistently been one of the most inexplicable and unpredictable sports in America. Combined with an undefinable attachment to our alma maters, it's part of why we're all so attracted to college football...

...well that and goofy mascots/nicknames that came from bored sportswriters. There are several stories that are associated with the elephant but either way, the fact that the team is nicknamed the Crimson Tide and their mascot is an elephant...

...makes little sense. Sure, you may have seen an elephant before. But have you ever seen a crimson white elephant? Let me correct that. A crimson white elephant that was stained red from mud?

One other thing about 'Bama and their legacy: 'Roll Tide' is maybe the best team-created phrase in sports history. Uh-oh. I smell another slide show.   

Ultra-notable alumni (there's way too many otherwise): 

Hoops: nine-ring man Robert Horry & choke-man Latrell Sprewell. 

NFL gridiron: Heisman winner Mark Ingram, former MVP Shaun Alexander, Packers' QB Bart Starr, and everyone's favorite inappropriate old man, Joe Namath. (FF to 0:48). 

College gridiron: With Paterno's legacy forever sullied, is Paul 'Bear' Bryant the most well-known and respected name in college football history? 

Austin Peay State University Govenors: Ace Ventura, Anyone?

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They're named after a Governor! Clarksville, Tenn., never disappoints. 

...'and you must beeee..........THE MONOPOLY GUY!' (Just watch the first 30 seconds). 

One other note of interest is that 'Peay' is pronounced like the letter 'p'. Austin P. 

Notable alumni: George Sherrill, a relief pitcher for the Atlanta Braves, played at Austin Peay....

...and that's pretty much it. 

Campbell Fighting Camels: Since When Do Camels Fight?

Based out of Buies Creek, N.C., no clear-cut theory exists as to why Campbell University's mascot is the "Fighting Camels."

The most prevalent one seems to be that someone named Campbell accidentally heard someone else call them a camel. You know, because the word Campbell and the word camel sound so similar. The Campbell Camels. Makes sense, right?

The video above will tell you how important Gaylord the Camel is. What it won't tell you is why on earth they are fighting camels. As far as I know, camels sit, spit, and eat. They live primarily in North Africa and the Middle East, and they've been used for various things throughout history including the military. ("Hey guys, any horses around?" "Nope." "Donkeys?" "Nope." "Uhh...camels?" "Definitely.")

Although camel racing DOES exist. 

Notable alumni: HOF pitcher Gaylord Perry went to Campbell for two years in the late '50s. But guess what? He didn't play baseball.  

Coastal Carolina Chanticleers: We Need More Roosters!

Head football coach David Bennett threw the Coastal Carolina athletic department into a media whirlwind earlier this fall when he gave this unbelievably funny press conference.

If all of his football players ignored the typical domesticated duo of dogs and cats in favor of the fierce rooster that the school is named after, perhaps they'd be better than 5-4. 

To back up a step, their mascot is pronounced SHON-ti-clear, or SHONTS. The SHONTS are named after a wily rooster from The Canterbury Tales. Which, to my mind, means it would be absolutely impossible for anyone to have ever laid eyes on a figure that comes from a myth. Game, set, SHONT. 

Notable alumni: Golfer Dustin Johnson (5 PGA Tour wins and a T-2 Finish in this year's Open Championship), former SF Giants catcher Kirt Manwaring (Gold Glove winner) and current Bengals WR Jerome Simpson. 

Dartmouth Big Green: All Hail Keggy the Keg

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Hanover, N.H., has the distinction of being the hometown of the Dartmouth Big Green. 

Over time, Dartmouth has gone through a firestorm of media criticism because of their mascot. According to some local student journalists, they wanted to come up with a mascot that "wasn't racist, biased or sexist, yet [was] entirely unacceptable." I do believe they achieved their goal. On the other hand, what percentage of college students can relate to the keg? I'm gonna say way more than you think (90%). 

Despite the fact that nobody has ever seen an anthropomorphic keg, the students love it. Isn't that all that matters? Plus, what's a big green? That Disney Movie with Steve Gutenberg and Goldberg from the Mighty Ducks? 

Notable alumni: Ex-catcher Brad Ausmus. And millions of other really intelligent people. 

DePaul Blue Demons: The Funky Music Makes Him Seem Cooler

The way this one evolved is pretty awesome. Apparently, because of the name DePaul, the logo 'D' was chosen for their jerseys and people referred to them as the D-men. Say that three times fast and you'll know why DePaul's mascot is the Blue Demons. 

I guess it's really a rip-off of the Duke Blue Devils (see next slide). It kind of seems more mischievous, though. I wouldn't expect the Blue Demon mascot to kill anyone like I would the Blue Devil. Something more like lighting a bag of poo on fire and then throwing it on Dwyane Wade's porch seems more accurate to me. (Wade went to Marquette, DePaul's main hoops rival).  

Notable alumni: NBA HOFer George Mikan and current players Wilson Chandler and Quentin Richardson. 

Duke Blue Devils: It's a Patriot, Not a Lucifer

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This is one of the more ridiculously drawn out descriptions of where their mascot came from, but it's worth reading anyways. Simply put, the Duke Blue Devils are named after French soldiers who traveled throughout France during World War I to raise money for the Allies. The Americans latched on to their courageous effort and immortalized them as Duke's mascot. 

While my violent analysis of the Blue Devil from the previous slide stands, it seems that there was no real religious undertone to the mascot. 

Still, my high school followed suit, so why not embrace this patriotic nomad? Sure, he's elusive, but at least he doesn't lurk around 3-point land and wait to hit huge shots (without playing defense). I will say that J.J. Redick has improved drastically in the NBA and has made himself a useful role player, instead of just a Cameron Crazies celebrity.

Notable alumni: NBA defensive lockdown specialist Shane Battier and several others, including Redick.  

Furman Paladins: What?

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Apparently a Paladin is a Christian Knight. A popular urban legend tells us that the mascot was changed after someone realized that others were referring to them by their acronym: 'Furman University Christian Knights'. Hopefully you can figure that one out on your own.

In the 'no way have you ever seen one of these in real life' department, their mascot seems like a bad version of the real-life Florida State Seminole. 

Notable alumni: American soccer player Clint Dempsey and pro golfer Brad Faxon. Not a lot of studs coming out of Furman. 

Kent State Golden Flashes: That's an Eagle.

Well hey, at least now they have a live golden eagle to replace the so-called Golden Flash. 

Don't waste your time trying to figure out why they're called the Golden Flashes. It seems that the school simply voted in the late '30s to change the mascot and someone came up with Golden Flashes. 

Maybe someone randomly saw the sun come up in Kent, Ohio, in December and had an epiphany. Otherwise, no sign of a yellow flash. 

Notable alumni: legendary college football coaches Lou Holtz (The fighting Irish are by definition, not real.) and Nick Saban (We've already analyzed white and red Elephants.)