The Absolutely Worst Week of the NFL: This Week
When it comes to the absolute worst, this week was the absolute best. Sunday's games were nothing less than a festival of failure, a cornucopia of calamity. There were so many extraordinarily bad games, plays and performances, that I couldn't possibly include them all. Week 7 was an embarrassment of riches . . . er, poors?
The Absolutely Worst Sunday Night Football Game: New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts (JV)
If you were waiting all day for a Sunday Night football game, you're still waiting. The 62-7 dismantling of the Colts by the Saints was less a game and more a ritualized sacrifice to the football gods. Drew Brees was nearly flawless, slicing the Colts into ribbons with a scalpel-sharp performance. He completed 31 of 35 attempts for 325 yards, five touchdowns and no picks.
Meanwhile, Curtis Painter and Dan Orlovsky took turns going at the Saints defense with a rusty spoon, completing 12 of 22 for 102 yards. That's an abysmal 4.64 yards per attempt. If there's any clearer example of what quarterback play can do to prop up a team than this rematch of Super Bowl XLIV, I'm not aware of it.
The Absolutely Worst Quarterbacking Performance: Kyle Boller and Carson Palmer, Oakland Raiders
Boller and Palmer made Painter and Orlovsky look like Montana and Young. Proving the Week 6 Edition right, the Raiders ached for injured quarterback Jason Campbell. Boller's first pass attempt was a pick-six, and it went downhill from there.
The two quarterbacks finished for a combined 15-of-35, 177 yards, zero touchdowns and SIX interceptions. Not only couldn't they move the ball any more effectively than 5.06 yards per attempt, Boller and Palmer's rampant turnovers made absolutely sure the Raiders did not—could not—score any points in Week 7. The Raiders would have been better off not having any quarterbacks at all.
The Absolutely Worst Not-Sunday-Night-Football Football Game: Seattle Seahawks at Cleveland Browns
The final score was 6-3. SIX TO THREE. It doesn't even matter who got six.
The Absolutely Worst Halftime Show: Miami Dolphins Honoring 2008 Florida Gators
The Miami Dolphins are having trouble drawing, what with the whole "total inability to win a football game" thing they're working through right now. The Dolphins organization decided they needed to capitalize on moneymaker Tim Tebow coming to town, so they planned a celebration of Tebow's national championship winning squad.
Of course, Tebow's University of Florida Gators were not exactly beloved in Miami. I don't know if you know, but Miami has its own university with a D-I football program—at least, for a little while longer.
So, the Dolphins took halftime out to honor their opponents' starting quarterback for winning a national championship three years ago at the helm of an in-state rival to their hometown school. To top it all off, it didn't work; the Dolphins still had to eat hundreds of tickets.
The Absolutely Worst Fans: Detroit Lions
Two weeks after Lions head coach Jim Schwartz gave the fans a game ball for forcing nine false starts against the Bears, those very same fans booed their 5-2 squad off the field as they dropped a close one to the Atlanta Falcons.
You'd think after it took the Lions all of 2008, all of 2009 and half of 2010 to eke out five wins, starting 2011 by racking up five straight victories would have earned them the benefit of the doubt.
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