B/R Creature vs. Creature 2.0: Introducing the White Division

Mr. Ashley MorrisAnalyst IJune 28, 2011

B/R Creature vs. Creature 2.0: Introducing the White Division

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    Hello out there in Bleacher Land!

    Today marks the final slide show installment of the Creature vs. Creature 2.0 series, bringing to you the writers and divisions that make up this epic contest!

    I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the super huge landmark accomplished by the publishing of the last slide show!  It is quite possible that the last slide show was the least read anything ever published on B/R!

    Before we break out the cake and streamers, I want to make sure that you know I appreciate everything you have done as loyal B/R readers and writers, especially when it comes to the work I’ve published.  It was truly an honor to be asked by Joe Burgett to be a part of this contest, as well as the several people who urged me to enter the competition as well.

    It has become my duty and responsibility to provide you with the best work I can.  I do not feel that I have done that with less than 100 reads for the last slide show, which says to me that I must have dropped the ball somewhere.

    This is not good, especially as I have been entrusted to add to (and not subtract from) a competition that will crown one gifted writer with the title of “Greatest Writer of B/R’s Wrestling Section.”

    I cannot promise you that heaven and earth will be moved with this slide show, but I can promise you that it is worth your read, comments, retweets, and “props.”

    It is important that you check out the slide show, comment, and pass it on to your B/R and Twitter peeps.  The slide show is not about me and never was; it is about shining well-deserved light on the writers in the competition who are pushing themselves to the limit by taking time out of their schedules to write weekly articles for us all to enjoy.

    That cannot happen without a quality presentation from me, and it damn sure cannot happen without reads and comments from you.

    So if there’s any value in this slide show, and even if there is none at all, please let it be known by typing your comments in the allotted space.  All of the writers in this competition, much like all of the writers on B/R, deserve to be heard.  If we suck, then we should be told that as well.

    With that public service announcement out of the way, let’s move on to the competitors in the last division of the Creature vs. Creature 2.0 contest!

"Throwback Division": The White Division

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    The White Division is the final division in this competition.  After some heavy scrutiny, hours of soul searching, and watching the latest episode of Botchamania, I’ve decided to refer to this division as the Throwback Division

    This Throwback Division contains some of the B/R Wrestling section’s seasoned writers, as well as topics that will require several hours of combing through record books, VHS tapes, and Wikipedia entries.

    To clarify a word used here, “seasoned” does not necessarily mean that these writers were proof-reading Joe Burgett’s earlier works, one of which included a lovely slide show on the “50 Reasons Why Jim Ross Wears Hats.”

    The word “seasoned” in this sense means that the writers here have gained notoriety through their work and experience writing in the wrestling section.   They may not have a jillion articles or article reads, but their names usually pop up all over the wrestling section in various places.

    They’re like the weird lady that lives in the purple house at the end of Joe Burgett’s street; everybody knows her even though she only comes out occasionally to feed her cats and give Joe Burgett dirty pennies.

    The topics in the Throwback Division will test the writers’ research abilities and their skill in highlighting a specific moment in history that has probably been long forgotten thanks to this current ADHD-fueled, mediocre era in pro wrestling.

    Expect all of the articles here to provide us with some nostalgia that may cause us to really question ourselves with, “Why in the world are they producing this crap when they could do so much better?”

    The writers in Throwback Division will post their articles on Thursdays.

Hamster Fan vs. Jamal Parker: "Best US Champion in the Title's History"

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    Hamster Fan will face Jamal Parker in the first match in the Throwback Division

    Hamster Fan is a B/R Wrestling section favorite and shares a strong following with Curry Man.  Hamster has a knack for writing light-hearted articles that tend to remain positive even when Helen Keller could see dark clouds looming over the horizon.

    Hamster’s best work comes when crafting articles that pose a question to the reader, who is then led on a smooth and logical ride to arrive at a conclusion that is often hard to refute.

    However, this cute and cuddly Bleacher Creature will have to contend with the slightly devious machinations of Jamal Parker.

    Jamal is another rising B/R babyface with a story to tell and a unique way to tell it.  With only 19 articles published, Jamal has reached Platinum and Sapphire status in rewards for the Great Debates that have taken place with his articles.

    Jamal has a way of getting people to talk, and if his profile picture has anything to do with his personality, he can sniff out a conspiracy and call it to task quite easily.

    Either that or he just really likes Aaron MacGruder’s The Boondocks.

    Jamal is also a member of The FactioN, a group of revolutionary writers in the wrestling section that includes Iam D Real Deal Yo and Chinmay (Division Hollywood), and esteemed writer Double A (who is just mega lame for not entering this competition).

    It would be interesting to see Jamal become the champion of the Throwback Division just to see how he would fare in a potential match-up against one of his fellow FactioN members.  Hamster Fan could very well rob us all of that opportunity, however.

    Hamster and Jamal will write about the best United States Champion in the history of the title.

    For the life of me, I’m begging one of them to explain to me the purpose of the US championship in the first place!  Or hell, if you know just say so in the comments section! 

    Hamster and Jamal, in my opinion, cannot avoid bringing this up in their pieces.  In order to lobby for the “best” US Champ, they must first establish what the title represents.  Whatever that title use to stand for, God knows it’s only an afterthought now that several non-American born athletes have held it.

    This isn’t a shot at our foreign born athletes or friends, but it seems counterproductive to spend years of television time hyping Sheamus’ Irish nationality only to have him be the US Champion some time later and not one “All American American American” superstar felt like this was a huge egregious error.

    That’s like having your Texas-born European Champion defend the belt against other Texans in the middle of Iowa.  Is there any wonder why that belt is not around today?

    At any rate, look for a great history lesson here as the better article will float outside of the WWE to give readers a good idea of why the belt was worth two buffalo nickels in the first place.  I would also benefit the writers to mention why their chosen champion was the best without mentioning lengthy reigns and all that fluff.

    That, by the way, is not a contradiction.  Delving into history does not give anyone an excuse to rely on numbers solely to present an argument.  Never forget that WCW tanned the WWE’s fanny for almost two years, and which company is still in business today?

Tom Clark vs. David Conrad: "Worst Mic Worker in the Attitude Era (1990-2000)"

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    Tom Clark and David Conrad will square off against each other in the second match of the Throwback Division.

    “Born and raised on a steady diet of Jim Crockett Promotions, I learned very early on what pro wrestling is supposed to be, and how it should be presented.

    “The modern era of the business is a far cry from what it used to be, but make no mistake about it--no amount of pyro, lights, or fat contracts will ever replace the in-ring action.”

    These words describe best what Tom Clark is all about.  This is what he believes, and this is what he writes about.

    Tom’s writings have the soul of a veteran wrestler like Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, having tons of wisdom, experience, and packing a punch that may not look lethal but is more effective than one could ever imagine.

    As a writer, Tom is versatile enough to hang with the veteran writers while still being able to go toe-to-toe with the young thunder cats as well.  That versatility may work well for him as he faces up-and-coming David Conrad.

    David only has six articles in the can, but has amassed an impressive amount of reads in his short time on B/R so far.  David also shines in his reporting, showing an analytical side that could tweak this bout towards his direction. 

    David and Tom are charged with talking about the worst mic worker in the WWE’s Attitude Era between 1992 and 2000.

    The hardest part for these two writers will be convincing a very vocal and pro-Attitude Era audience that there were parts of that highly praised era that were actually terrible.

    Really, I have a feeling that a lot of pro-Attitude Era supporters here in the B/R wrestling section only fawn over that time in the WWE because of all the blood, swearing, and nudity!  TNA did that for a while and look what it got them…JACK DIDDLEY!

    I have it on good authority that Joe Burgett can’t go to bed at night without his SCSA night light, his DX blanket, and Mark Henry’s “Sexual Chocolate” theme song lullabying him into a peaceful slumber.

    Contrary to popular belief, the Attitude Era wasn’t all that glamorous and much like today had its fair share of terrible gimmicks, backstage promos, useless storylines, and superstars with Baal-awful mic skills that give Mike Adamle nightmares.

    The winner of this bout will successfully keep readers from frolicking down memory lane, completely missing the point that their superstar was just wretched on the microphone.

    Meat and Beaver Cleavage immediately come to mind, but these two gentlemen already knew that.

TC Vreeland vs. Muzzy Daud: "Best Gimmick in WWE History NOT Named Undertaker"

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    The last match of the Throwback Division will pit TC Vreeland against Muzzy Daud

    TC Vreeland’s name alone makes you want to jump up and cheer as if Jeff Hardy’s WWE theme music started blasting through your home.  Go ahead and scream out his name, raise your hands in the air, and go “YEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” in the loudest voice you can.

    Sad thing is I bet a bunch of you actually did that.

    TC brings sheer excitement to the table with his writings, not to mention he rolls into the competition with the most momentum out of any other competitor!  His latest article has garnered almost 60,000 reads and that was from FOUR DAYS AGO!

    With his degree in Mass Communications (just like me!) and a unique ability to encourage conversation and analysis from the fans’ perspectives (just like me!), TC made it to the wrestling section’s top writer spot (better than me!) in May 2011.  He is currently at the number two spot right behind Big Nasty.

    TC is a freight train steaming through this competition, but he’ll have to get past the popular Muzzy Daud on his track towards greatness in B/R’s Wrestling section.

    Don’t be fooled by the cute name, as Muzzy is a scrappy competitor that can pounce on a subject like Matt Hardy on a $5 All-You-Can-Eat buffet.

    After taking a two month hiatus from B/R, Muzzy has returned and pledged to release three articles a week.  Quite the lofty task to live up to, but his resiliency should give him the moxie needed to keep up his end of the bargain he’s made with his B/R family.

    TC and Muzzy will write about the best gimmick in WWE history not named Undertaker.

    Things could go one of two ways with this particular topic for these writers: either someone gets blown completely off the radar from their competitor’s piece, or the other writer shanks his opponent in the kidneys with a surprise subject that steals the show.

    Whatever happens, it’ll be cool to watch.

    When I think of “best gimmicks,” Rick “The Model” Martel, Repo Man, “The Portuguese Man O’War” Aldo Montoya, Duke “The Dumpster” Droese, Waylon Mercy, Adam Bomb, Barry Horowitz, The Berzerker (Huss!), Max Moon, and Damien Demento easily come to mind.

    And in case you’re wondering, I’m dead serious.

    But there are more prestigious stars, such as Koko B. Ware and Friar Ferguson, which these two men will probably write about.  With so many WWE greats available to discuss, this bout will be very intriguing to say the least.

    My seal of approval goes instantly to the writer that can make Men on a Mission shine like gold.

It's Gonna Be a Blockbuster, Baby!

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    That’s all you need to know about the Throwback Division!  Here’s the recap for the writers and their topics:

    1) Hamster Fan vs. Jamal Parker: "Best US Champion in the Title's History"

    2) Tom Clark vs. David Conrad: "Worst Mic Worker in the Attitude Era (1992-2000)"

    3) TC Vreeland vs. Muzzy Daud: "Best Gimmick in the WWE NOT Named Undertaker"

    Don’t forget to stay tuned to B/R’s Wrestling section for their posts.

    Good luck to the writers in the White Division, who are destined to go “old school” for us during the competition!

    I would like to also say good luck to everyone that entered the competition, as well as thank you to all you loyal B/R fans and readers.  Without you this competition and this slide show would be nothing!  Thanks for your reads and support!

     

BREAKING NEWS!!! Ross Rutherford vs. Buzz: "The Greatest WWE Gimmick Match"

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    What a blockbuster announcement!  It's too bad I didn't get it until this morning (Thanks JOE).

    It seems that "Rowdy" Ross Rutherford will be squaring off against Buzz in the Throwback Division!  These two B/R writers advanced in the play-in games to earn a spot in the Creature vs. Creature 2.0 competition! 

    It's just the first week of the contest and already the action is heating up!

    The "Rowdy" Ross Rutherford slides into the competition as a three year B/R writer with a sharp wit and keen analytical mind that slaps you from the left and makes you think you got kicked from the right.

    All of this can be seen in Ross' recent play-in piece, which launched a very compelling argument for "Rowdy" Roddy Piper as the greatest WWE superstar to never hold a WWE World Title.

    Facing him is Buzz, a lifelong pro wrestling fan that stays pretty well connected with all the pro wrestling news "buzzing" all around the Internet.  Buzz has the ability to connect with his readers early in his pieces, and manages to sneak a few snide comments here and there into his pieces to make readers chuckle.

    Buzz's play-in piece is crafted around The Undertaker, his choice for the best superstar to never win the Triple Crown.  You'd be hard pressed to disagree with him after reading his article.

    These gentlemen will have to use their skills to speak on the greatest WWE gimmick match.  With so many choices, I'm not sure where these writers will go!

    Seriously think about it: the Royal Rumble match, the "On A Pole" match, the Punjabi Prison, the Pillow Fight match, the Evening Gown/Bra and Panties match, the Hog Slop match, the Strap match, the Buried Alive match, the Empty Arena match, and even the seldom remembered Tuxedo match.  There are so many options here and so little time for them to choose!

    I would hope that both writers would flex their creative muscles on whatever subject they choose, but the safe bet for them is to pick one of the well-known matches and explain the intricacies that make it the greatest gimmick match.

    Theoretically speaking, we all know how the Royal Rumble works, but there was a time when the superstars had to "qualify" just to get into the match.  Why would that be important to the match given today's crappy standards?

    Expect this battle to be an epic one!  Good luck again to all the participants in the Throwback Division and the Creature vs. Creature 2.0 competition!