Before I start, I have an announcement.
This article is my 100th article here on Bleacher Report! I wanted my 100th article to be an Impact review and it is. I've been a writer on Bleacher Report since January 31 of this year and have written 100 articles with over a quarter of a million reads.
I want to thank everyone. The readers, editors and BR people who allow me to write. Number 100 and more to come!
So, it's Thursday night. That means one thing: Impact Wrestling!
The show starts with Bischoff arriving in the parking lot. He gets approached by a man in a suit who serves Bischoff some legal papers from The Network. Bischoff is not happy.
Next, we cut to some Knockouts backstage.
ODB is attacking Velvet Sky backstage at the site of a photo shoot. A man tries to restrain ODB but gets hit in the yambag region.
(Don't know what the infamous "yambag region" is then you aren't a true Impact fan.)
The man is said to have been Lee South. The man behind those great photos of the Knockouts on Impact Wrestling's website. Mike Tenay tells us that Velvet was posing for bikini pictures. Check impactwrestling.com daily to see those pictures eventually uploaded.
Anyways, ODB continues the attack on Velvet.
The brawl spills into the Impact Wrestling Zone. ODB throws Velvet off the walls until security comes.
ODB kicks both (there was only two) security guards in the yambag region. Again, you don't know the 'yambag region' shame on you.
Velvet has a little fight in her and sends ODB bouncing off some walls. They hit the ring and ODB is in charge. She rips Velvet's t-shirt off and chokes her with it. ODB leaves and Miss Tessmacher comes to help Velvet.
After the brawl Tenay and Taz give us the card for the show tonight.
Sting's music hits and Mr. Anderson dressed as old school Sting, for the third straight week, comes out. He says he will wrestle one of Sting's oldest rivals tonight.
We cut to Bischoff talking to Hogan on the phone. He is approached by Kendrick.
Kendrick appreciates the match last week but wants to redeem himself. He asks for a rematch at Slammiversary. One problem Bischoff presents: Kazarian wants his rematch. Bischoff makes a match.
Kendrick vs. Kazarian. Winner challenges Abyss for the X Division title at Slammiversary.
Bischoff is in the ring after commercials. He says he doesn't have much time and calls out TNA Tag Team Champions, Beer Money.
Bischoff thinks that this is his last night in Impact. He thinks the papers are to fire him and Hulk but he didn't open the envelope it came in. Just so you know for later events.
Beer Money hits the ring.
Bischoff reminds them of their situation. Roode is injured and Storm needs a partner for Slammiversary to defend the belts against the British Invasion.
Roode says he will wrestle injured and Bischoff will take his belt over his dead body.
The Motorcity Machine Guns music plays? Alex Shelley comes out by himself.
He starts by informing everyone about his partner, Chris Sabin. Sabin is injured with a torn ACL and MCL and the MCMG won't be back until 2012.
Shelley offers to help Beer Money out.
He offers to defend the Tag Team belts with James Storm against The British Invasion. Beer Money accepts! Shelley calls them Gun Money. Bischoff tells Shelley that he made his Sh*t List. Shelley acts hurt and scared.
It's official. James Storm and Alex Shelley vs. The British Invasion at Slammiversary.
First match of the night: "Cold Blooded" Matt Hardy vs. The undefeated, Crimson
Hardy comes out, then Crimson and we watch a short video of how dominant Crimson has been.
The match starts with Crimson powering Hardy into the corner. The referee gets between them and Hardy gets two cheap shots and grabs Crimson in a headlock.
Crimson shoves Hardy off and Hardy follows up with a shoulder block but has no effect. Crimson drops Hardy with a clothesline.
Hardy leaves the ring. When he gets in, Crimson starts up the offense again. Crimson drops Hardy with a big shoulder block/elbow.
Hardy goes into the corner where Crimson lays in some shoulder blocks followed by a big irish whip across the ring and into the other corner. Crimson pins Hardy but barely gets a two.
Hardy gets up a goes to punch Crimson. Crimson ducks and tosses Hardy over head. T-Bone Suplex.
Hardy leaves the ring again. Crimson grabs Hardy and pulls him onto the apron. Hardy snaps Crimson's head/neck against the top rope and hits a neck breaker.
Hardy goes to the top rope and hits Crimson with a flying clothesline good for a two. Hardy hits Crimson with three elbows to the back of the head. Crimson goes down and Hardy hits him with a leg drop. Two count.
Hardy grabs Crimson in a headlock then drops him with a neck breaker. Hardy heads to the top again. This time Crimson catches him on the ropes. Crimson is setting up for a T-Bone Suplex off the ropes but Hardy prevents it and Crimson falls off the ropes.
Hardy hits Crimson with a leg drop from the top rope for a two. Hardy grabs Crimson in a headlock again.
Hardy bounces Crimson off the ropes but gets hit by a shoulder block. Crimson drops Hardy repeatedly with clotheslines and shoulder blocks. Crimson spikes Hardy with a double arm hooked DDT for a two.
Crimson goes for a suplex but Hardy prevents it and stands in the corner trying to catch his breath. Crimson starts beating Hardy down in the corner.
Crimson attempts a clothesline but Hardy elbows him then hits a Side Effect for a two count. Hardy is setting up for a Twist of Hate but Crimson pushes Hardy into the corner.
Crimson charges at Hardy but he gets the boot up in time. Hardy runs at Crimson who slams Hardy down with a type of sit-out double hand chokeslam. One, two, three.
Crimson's streak remains intact.
Samoa Joe runs to the ring while Crimson has his hand raised by the referee. Crimson turns around and hits Joe with a spear.
Joe rolls out of the ring and heads up the ramp.
Backstage, Mr. Anderson enters TV Champion, Eric Young's locker room. EY has both the TV title and old TNA Heavyweight title around his waist.
Anderson tells EY that he wants to rewrite/recreate history.
He asks Eric to dress up as The Great Muta and have a match together. EY thinks it's a good idea to entertain and is a good sign of respect to Sting and Muta.
Still backstage, Angelina Love tells Winter that she will defend her (Winter's) honor after Mickie James made her bleed last week.
Angelina has a match with Miss Tessmacher soon.
Now in Immortal's locker room, Bischoff is talking. He still has the envelope he was served with and it is still unopened. He preps Immortal for their demise. He still thinks that he and Hulk will be fired.
Miss Tessmacher comes to the ring and performs one of the best ring entrances in wrestling today. Next comes Angelina and Winter. Angelina looking to defend Winter's honor.
Both Knockouts are in the ring but Winter has Angelina preoccupied which allows Tessmacher to get a roll up for only a one. Tessmacher ducks a clothesline and tries again with a roll up. Again for one.
Tessmacher grabs Angelina in a headlock. Love shoves Ms. T to the ropes then knocks her down with a shoulder block.
Ms. T hits Love with a forearm but it has no effect. Love grabs Ms. T by the throat and tosses her across the ring.
Love gets in a little ground and pound before the referee pulls her off Ms. T. Love sends Tessmacher into the ropes who comes back with a cross body for a one count.
Winter gets Tessmacher's attention and Love clotheslines her over the rope. Angelina beats her down on the outside and Winter rolls Ms. T back in the ring.
Love hits Ms. T with a back breaker then a sidewalk slam. Love charges Tessmachre into the corner and beats her down until the referee separates them. Love charges again but Ms. T got her elbow up. Love tries again and Tessmacher gets the boot up and catches Love in the face again.
Tessmacher gets a flurry of offense going and sets up for her Victory Roll move. Tessmacher sits upon Love's shoulders but Angelina turns it into an electric chair type move.
Angelina hits Tessmacher with a Scorpion Death Drop/Back Stabber move and it is over. Angelina wins.
After the match Angelina chokes out Miss Tessmacher.
"Sting" (Mr. Anderson) vs. "The Great Muta" (Eric Young) is coming up.
Mr. Anderson comes out first, looking exactly like the old Sting. Yes, he does use Sting's theme song and entrance video. Anderson hits the ring and whispers something to Christy Hemme.
Hemme announces his opponent, "The Not-so Great Muta!"
EY comes out to Muta's theme and has identical face paint. Taz is loving it.
The bell rings and Anderson starts running around and doing a Stinger Splash into turnbuckles, beating his chest and screaming like Sting. Obviously mocking "The Icon."
EY and Anderson have a few words and Eric goes to leave the ring. He thought they were paying respect to the two wrestlers. Anderson pulls EY back and the two point fingers and yell at each other. Eric tries to leave again, again Anderson pulls him in.
Anderson slaps Eric then starts beating him down in the corner. Anderson drops Eric and follows up by dropping elbows on him for a two count.
Anderson misses a Stinger Splash and Eric starts to build momentum. He hits Anderson with a chop and a clothesline for a one. Anderson lifts EY onto his shoulders but Eric slides down Anderson's back and takes him down with a belly-to-belly suplex for two.
Eric gets Anderson in a Crucifix pin for another near fall.
EY hits Anderson with a big right hand then throws him to the ropes. EY was thinking clothesline but Anderson countered with a swinging neck breaker. Two. Anderson's getting angry.
Anderson goes to pick EY up but Young reverses with a jaw breaker followed up with a scoop slam then EY points to the top rope. Eric Young hits a Muta Moonsault to perfection!
He goes for a pin but former TV Champion, Gunner runs to the ring. The referee stops Gunner from coming in but EY is distracted and Anderson sets up a Scorpion Death Drop.
Young pushes Anderson away then spits green mist in Anderson's face! One, two, three! Eric Young beat Mr. Anderson!
After the match Gunner and Anderson beat down Eric until the Icon arrives.
Anderson runs away and Sting beats Gunner out of the ring. EY and Sting vs. Anderson and Gunner is set for next week.
Number One Contenders Match: Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian.
The match starts with Kendrick and Kazarian shaking hands then things get quick. Too quick to call.
Kendrick and Kazarian go back and forth with arm drags, drop toe holds and a lot of near falls. Very fast paced action to start the match.
Kazarian catches Kendrick with a wheel kick and I think I can manage to call most of the match from here.
Kazarian kicked Kendrick then throw him across the ring. Pin fall for a two. Kazarian scoop slams Kendrick, holds up the Fortune symbol, then attempts a springboard leg drop.
Kendrick rolls onto the apron and Kazarian lands on his feet. Kazarian runs at Kendrick but Kendrick jumps over him and lands in the ring while Kazarian baseball slides under him and out of the ring.
Out of nowhere Kendrick suicide dives through the ropes but Kazarian moves at the last second. Kazarian rolls Kendrick into the ring and pins him but only for a two.
Kendrick starts fighting back until Kazarian hits him with a big back breaker for another two. Kazarian flashes the Fortune symbol then hits a big suplex for another near fall.
Kazarian drop kicks Kendrick right in the face for a two. Kazarian is clearly frustrated now. Kazarian locks Kendrick in a submission hold. Kendrick breaks out and the two exchange big forearm shots.
Kazarian charges at Kendrick but BK hits Kazarian with a big boot followed by a missile drop kick for a two. Kazarian throws Kendrick at the corner but BK backflips off the turnbuckles, lands behind Kazarian and nails him with an enseguri kick.
Kendrick grabs Kazarian by his head and attempts Alex Shelley's Sliced Bread move. Kazarian reverses it into a neck breaker off the top rope for a near fall.
Kazarian sets up for his finisher, Fade to the Black but Kendrick holds the ropes and kicks himself free of Kaz's hold.
Kazarian turns towards Kendrick but gets drilled by a perfect super kick. Kendrick goes to the top and tries a Frog Splash. Kazarian gets his knees up then hits Kendrick with a big Shining Wizard which sends Kendrick through the ropes.
Kazarian rolls Kendrick into the ring. Kazarian gets in the ring but is rolled up by Kendrick for a two. Both guys get up and Kazarian gets a pin on Kendrick good for a two. Kendrick rolls Kazarian up again but again gets a two.
Kendrick and Kazarian keeping rolling each other up, then the bell rings. What happened? There wasn't a three count.
The crowd, and everybody, hates a draw and chant for five more minutes. Senior referee Earl Hebner gets word from Bischoff that there will be overtime. The crowd loves it.
Both guys waste no time and continue to beat the hell out of each other. They exchange forearms again then both clothesline and are both down.
The X Division Champion, Abyss, hits the ring. He has a Shock Treatment for Kendrick, Black Hole Slam for Kazarian and some 'words of war' for the camera. The match is thrown out. There was no winner.
Maybe Slammiversary will have a three way X Division title match. Kendrick vs. Kazarian vs. Abyss.
AJ Styles comes to the ring and calls out Bully Ray. AJ bashes Ray and Dreamer. Bully Ray tells everyone that Tommy Dreamer sucked as his tag partner, much like Devon. Ray said Dreamer won't be around anymore.
Dreamer's contract is going to expire real soon. Tommy Dreamer is not on Impact Wrestling. Am I the only one that's kind of happy?
AJ and Ray make fun of each other. There's a penis joke in the argument made by AJ which is pretty funny considering Bully Ray's reaction.
AJ sets a challenge.
AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray: Last Man Standing at Slammiversary.
Ray accepts and this can be an epic match-up. The Slammiversary card is shaping up to be a good one.
The main event is Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner vs. Kurt Angle and Matt Morgan.
Jeff tries to get a chair for Karen but Earl Hebner won't allow Karen at ringside after she screwed with the match between Jeff and Matt Morgan last week. Good call. Karen is gone.
Angle and Steiner are going to start this off. Angle tags in Morgan and Steiner wants none of it and tags in Jarrett.
So, Morgan and Jarrett are going to start the match.
No. Morgan tags Angle and Jarrett runs and tags in Steiner. Okay, so Angle and Steiner now.
They grapple and Steiner powers Kurt into the corner but Kurt fights his way out and hits Steiner with a belly-to-belly suplex for a two.
Steiner hits Kurt in the mid-section with a knee and tags in Jarrett. Jeff runs at Kurt but gets thrown via hip toss by Angle.
Angle beats Jarrett up in the corner then grabs him in an Ankle Lock. Jarrett kicks Angle off and Morgan tags himself into the match. Morgan grabs Jeff by the back of his neck and throws him face first into the turnbuckle.
Jarrett wants to tag Steiner but Steiner wants nothing to do with The Blueprint.
Morgan hits Jarrett with an atomic drop then a headbutt and tags in Kurt who works Jarrett over in the corner. At the same time we go to a split screen and have the match on one side and Hogan and Bischoff backstage in the other.
Steiner hits Angle then Kurt knocks down Jarrett with a german sulpex then grabs Steiner. Steiner snaps Kurt's neck on the ropes and Jarrett hits Angle with a kick to the head.
Steiner works Angle over in the corner then hits a belly-to-belly for a two. Steiner tags in Jarrett and they double team Kurt.
Jarrett sets up for The Stroke but Angle rolls through it and turns it into an Ankle Lock. Jarrett rolls out of it and both men knock each other down with a clothesline.
Jarrett and Angle make tags and Morgan comes in and is on fire. Morgan slams Steiner down and goes for a pin which is broken up by Jarrett. Kurt chases Jarrett up the ramp.
Karen Jarrett comes out and Angle and both the Jarrett's disappear behind the iMPACT Zone set.
In the ring, Steiner low blows Morgan and gets the win.
We cut to where Angle and the Jarretts are. Karen is knocked out at the bottom of a set of stairs and Jeff and Kurt and screaming and cursing at each other.
Kurt says it's Jeff's fault and that Karen shouldn't've been here in the first place. She's the mother of his kids and that Jeff is a f'n a**hole. Jeff keeps saying it was an accident and wants security to remove Kurt. One big mess between them and it looks like Karen is gone for good.
Jeff gets in an ambulance with his wife in the parking lot and they drive off.
Hogan and Bischoff come out. Bischoff is sad and talks bad about Foley for getting them fired. Hogan talks down about Foley but compliments Bischoff and opens the envelope from the top of the show.
Hogan reads bits and pieces of it then fires Mick Foley!? The papers give Hulk and Bischoff complete power of iMPACT!?
The show started off with Total Nonstop Action (pun intended) and kept at that pace the entire night.
The positives from this edition of iMPACT! are:
Alex Shelley has something to do. Gun Money.
Crimson vs. Hardy was a good match
The Knockouts were good but I dislike the whole Winter/Angelina angle. Angelina is challenging Mickie James for the title at Slammiversary? Why? To avenge Winter's bloodied mouth from last week? Why can't Winter defend her own honor.
Anderson vs. EY was entertaining and a good way to boost the ongoing feuds between Sting/Anderson and Eric Young/Gunner. Next week they'll have a tag match.
Kazarian vs. Kendrick was match of the night. It was great. A lot of near falls and some good spots. The downfall was Abyss ruining it but that may allow a three way at Slammiversary which ought to be good.
The negative parts of the show were only the main event really. We just cut to Angle and Jarrett backstage then the match is over? We hardly seen it end.
Hogan and Bischoff regaining power and firing Foley was a bit confusing but should be interesting in coming weeks. Especially with Foley originally planned to put Destination X together next month.
Slammiversary looks like a good card with matches like Sting vs Anderson, Jarrett vs. Angle and Styles vs Bully Ray. We still have one iMPACT! to go before the anniversary pay-per-view. Slammiversary.
Thursday's Impact proved that wrestling matters. Another good showing.
Your Home For Opinions On All Things Pro Wrestling starts here.
I would like to thank the 22,000-plus people who read my latest article. It has proven to be my most popular article yet, here on Bleacher Report. If you haven't read it already here it is.
If you have read it....Read it again! I want that Sapphire medal! 3,000 more reads please!
Thanks for reading my 100th article. =)