What's up, ladies and gentlemen? My name is Eric Kanes, welcoming you to this week's edition of the most electrifying RAW Review on the net. If you have not read this week's edition of "Smack Talk," then I will let you know that I am permanently switching to a bullet point format for my reviews. I think it works better than the recap/star system format for my style and I plan on using it from now on.
Before I move on, I'd like to do a quick plug. If you enjoy my reviews, make sure to add me on Facebook. I made an account just for wrestling and I plan on discussing wrestling news throughout the week and letting you guys know when a new column is out.
And now, without any further ado, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, this is the RAW Review.
-Michael Cole coming out dressed like JR was terrific. Then again, he probably would've drawn just as much heat dressed like himself. He's that good.
-Triple H officially invites The Undertaker to "look into his eyes one final time" next week. Oh joy! Because the last "epic staredown" they had was so exhilarating. Since all they've done since coming back is stare at the WrestleMania sign anyway, why not make their match at WrestleMania a staring contest? The person to go the longest without blinking wins.
-Triple H says that at WrestleMania, The Undertaker will be 18-1. Isn't he only at 17-0, though? Because you know...the match at WrestleMania 17 never happened.
-Ten minutes in and out comes Ted DiBiase. You know how Randy Orton was nicknamed "The Legend Killer?" Triple H should officially be named "The Talent Killer."
-I don't know about you guys but I'm not feeling it with the Triple H/Taker match. So far, there have been no interactions (other than that lazily-booked staredown) and there is no continuity from previous storylines. There has been no reference to the fact that Triple H has already lost to Undertaker at WrestleMania 17 and might have learned from his mistakes from last time. There has been no reference to the fact that Undertaker beat Shawn Michaels at two consecutive WrestleManias and Triple H might be trying to avenge his friend's retirement. Nope. Triple H just wants to end the streak for the hell of it. It seems like the promos for their storyline are written in the last five minutes before the show.
-It's nice to see Sheamus getting wins again. This is the pace that he needs to be on from now on. I talked about this in last week's SmackDown review.
-Randy Orton arrived on a tour bus and Scott Stanford interviewed him. That's actually his real tour bus for those wondering. From what I remember, Triple H, John Cena, Big Show, & Edge are the other wrestlers who have their own tour buses.
-During the Eve/Maryse match, Cole interrupted saying "Could this please end already?" He should've done this during the Triple H/Undertaker staredown last month.
-It seems like Big Show is fine, after all. That's good to know. They need to put the tag titles on him and Kane again. The tag team division is going nowhere with Slater & Gabriel as champions.
-The segment with Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole was fantastic, as always. It wasn't quite as good as last week's, but the crowd was still very into it. See, this match doesn't consist of two legends who have a history together. It consists of a 61-year-old man and a commentator who isn't even a trained wrestler, yet this is a match that I am genuinely interested in seeing. And why is that? Because they have done a tremendous job building this program up and you could see how much work they've put into it. Imagine what it would be like if they just stared at each other and the WrestleMania sign every week.
-They showed clips of Snooki from last week and showed various media coverage that she received. A lot of wrestling fans hate this move, but I'm personally fine with it. She's just replacing Kelly Kelly in a match that probably won't get over 5-8 minutes anyway. I mean, realistically, if you were running a multi-million dollar promotion, would you really put Kelly Kelly on the card instead of Snooki?
-This brings me to my next point. Snooki was referred to as a "WWE Wrestler" during this video package yet this weekend, when an article was written on TVWeek.com about Drew Carey being in a pro wrestling Hall of Fame, WWE Publicist Kellie Baldyga demanded that the title be "corrected," since the WWE is apparently no longer a pro wrestling company "even though that's the perception," but rather a global entertainment company "with a movie studio, international licensing deals, publisher of three magazines, consumer good distributor and more."
A lot of people on the Internet have been outraged over this, but personally I really don't care that much. Its whatever floats the company's boat. Everybody knows that they are a wrestling company. In fact, most people think that they are the only wrestling company. However, it makes a lot of sense from a business perspective and it allows them to get big sponsors like Mattel, so to each their own.
-Since WWE is an entertainment company, should RAW and SmackDown be regarded as talk shows? Sure as hell seems like it.
-OK...maybe not. With global entertainers like Triple H & Undertaker, I guess RAW can be a silent film? OK, I'm done. I'll just stick to calling it "Monday Night RAW."
-The video package with various legends and global entertainers talking about The Undertaker and Triple H's match was pretty well-done. I'd say it was even better than the "Ain't No Grave" video package for HBK & Taker last year. However, that's still not enough. Video packages cannot build a match up, especially such a high profile match. There needs to be at least some effort put in by the actual competitors.
-Apparently, Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio is a WrestleMania Rewind. So where's Kurt Angle?
-CM Punk interrupted Orton during his match and he was standing next to his tour bus so Orton stopped globally entertaining Mysterio and ran to the bus. Orton should know better. He should really stop showing off his automobiles on national TV. First his racecar and now the tour bus. And some crazy dude broke into his house in 2009. Poor guy.
-So Orton approaches his tour bus and CM Punk has abducted...his wife? OK, that is definitely not the same wife as last week. Where the hell does Orton get all these wives? I guess he learned from "The Nature Boy."
-So where does Orton keep all these wives? We know that he keeps one in his house and one in his tour bus, but where does he keep the one from last week?
-Ha, CM Punk was hilarious when he mocked Orton's "wife." It is also interesting to note that he called Randy out for punting McGillicutty, Otunga, & Ryan, but didn't even mention Husky Harris. I hope this doesn't mean that the New Nexus will be brought back with the other three. With the exception of Ryan, who can have some kind of an enforcer role, they need at least a full year in developmental.
-It looks like The Miz has been reunited with Alex Riley. Riley seems to have ditched the briefcase as well. I guess he finally got done with his taxes. It'd be a shame if he had it past April 18th.
-Although Cena no-sold the beating from last week just as I predicted, that STF looked great. I guess that's why Riley's back. They need someone to take the beatings. If Cena comes out looking strong again next week, I think there's a chance that Miz might retain at WrestleMania.
And that shall conclude this week's RAW Review.
Overall, I'd give this show a 4/10. There wasn't a lot of wrestling, which was more or less expected, but the segments weren't as good as usual either. The show just wasn't very good. I expect it to be a lot better with The Rock appearing live next week, though.
If you haven't already, make sure to check out the March Madness tournament that I'm holding called "The Greatest WrestleMania Match of All Time." We are nearing the final round, so make sure to cast your votes.
I will be right back here tonight with the Round 3 Rock/Henry Bracket but until then, I'm out!