Week two is in the books and things aren’t going as planned for some teams. Indianapolis barely squeaked out a victory over Minnesota. Jacksonville sits at 0-2 as does San Diego, Seattle and Cleveland. Other teams have to feel like making the squeaky-happy voice. The Cardinals are in first place, as is Buffalo. Welcome to topsy-turvey-ville!
Lucky, there are still a few things we can depend on. Detroit, Miami, Kansas City and the Rams are all 0-2. New England is 2-0, and Brett Favre still wears green. Ok that last one is stretching a bit. Denver still begins each year looking like THE team in their division until somewhere around November when the snow piles up and the Broncos melt down, a strange inverse snow/horse relationship the city of Denver has witnessed over the past number of years.
Fantastic Finish Numero Uno – Trailing 38-31 with less time left on the clock than it takes to run to the Fridge for a beer, Jay Cutler rolled out on a third-and-goal at the one and the ball careened from his hand to the turf, an obvious fumble. LinebackerTim Dobbins of the San Diego Chargers, recovered for an apparent Charger victory. BUT WAIT!! Thanks to a toot of the whistle, the play was ruled an incomplete pass and was not reviewable because of said toot, and the fumble / incomplete pass put the ball back into the hands of the offending fumble guy Jake Cutler. Denver then threw for the score, making it 38-37. Instead of going for the tie, since all San Diegodid the entire game was march up and down the field at will, Coach Mike Shannahan took the gamble and went for two. Hey 50-50 shot to win a football game! Not bad odds. Denver ran exactly the same play it ran for the TD and WALLA Denver wins. Norv Turner’s facial expression was that of a grown up who’d just made a load in his pants, but it didn’t matter. Denver wins 39-38. Broncos are 2-0 on the season and the Chargers are 0-2. GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY!!! Jay Cutler threw for 350 yards and four scores, while Phillip Rivers tossed for 377 yards and three scores. Can you say “Lack of Defense?”.
Fantastic Finish Numero Dos – The Seattle Seahawks and San Francisco 49ers faced off with Seattle sporting a fantastic home record over the past couple years. The 49ers took that as a challenge. Down by seven heading into the fourth, Seattle roared back with ten unanswered points, taking a 30-27 lead with roughly seven minutes to go in the contest. With 2.42 left, Joe Nedney tied the game at 30-all, then kicked a 40 yarder 4:40 into overtime to win it for the niners. J.T. O’Sullivan, the 49ers quarterback, not the name of the bar I watched the game from, three for 321 years in the victory. Matt Hasselbeck threw two interceptions in the loss. The 49ers chase the undefeated Arizona Cardinals with a 1-1 record while Seattle sits in the basement at 0-2.
What the Favre game of the Week – Dallas and Philadelphia squared off on Monday night in what was sure to be quite the contest, both teams sitting at 1-0. The first half ended with the score looking like the entire contest was over a 30-24 Eagles. The Eagles scored fourteen of their points in the span of 14 seconds, thanks to a fumble in the end zone by Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. As it turned out, it didn’t matter as he and Terrell Owens hooked up for a pair of TD’s themselves, T.O. moving into second all time on the TD list just 65 TD’s behind retired wide receiver Jerry Rice, and Dallas pulls off a 41-37 victory on Monday Night Football. The oddity of the game was displayed rather appropriately when a 61 yard touchdown pass from McNabb to Desean Jackson went from TD to just a sixty yard completion because he dropped the ball on the one. How many times do we have to witness spikability happening outside the endzone before football gentleman think, HEY, maybe I’ll cross the ENTIRE field before relieving myself of this burdensome pig-skin. Cowboys are 2-0 on the season, while the Eagles fall to 1-1. Romo has 312 yards of offense versus McNabbs’ 281. Whitten catches 110 of those yards for the Cowboys, Jackson the same number for the Eagles.
What the Favre game of the Week Number 2 – Cleveland and Pittsburgh squared off Sunday night with Clevelands’ secondary needing some big time help after last week’s debacle against the Cowboys. Enter remnants of hurricane Ike. The Browns relied on heavy winds and defensive line pressure on this night, and it paid off. Next week they will need a new hurricane or game plan. Even with the wind, Cleveland lost 10-6. In yet the second week in a row, Cleveland trailed and kicked a field goal that would not help them out one bit in the scoring column to catch the opponent. This time, they were down by seven with 3:21 left in the game. Facing fourth and goal, and needing one score to tie, they kicked a field goal and still needed one score to catch the Steelers. No scores later, they lose. Congratulations, you play for the loss, you get the loss. Steelers are 2-0, Browns are 0-2. Some would say this game might mark end of playoff chances for the Brownies.
Favre might as well be What the Favre Game Number 3 – Brett Favre and the New York Jets had the perfect opportunity to show what a great move they made by getting Favre and by Favre moving. They took on a Tom Brady-less New Englandsquad at home with the opportunity to look down in the standings at the Patroits, something they haven’t done since probably the invention of electricity. No such luck. Matt Cassel hre for 165 yards and no TD’s, but more importantly, the New England Patriots held Brett Favre to 181 yards and picked him off once, propelling the Pats on to victory. They win 19-10. The Jets fall to 1-1, while New England is 2-0. Imagine that! Stranger than fiction, the Jets actually went into this game favorites. What the Favre!!
Back to earth little Birdies – One week after the Altanta Falcons had a perfect record of 1-0, they tumble back to earth, getting stomped at the hands of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Had it not been for Atlanta kicker Jason Elam, the Falcons would have laid a goose egg, thus indicating unusual mating going on because of hurricane Ike. Brian Greise and Matt Ryan both threw for 160 yards or less, but somebody had to win, the difference being Tampas Graham rushing for 116 yards and Matt Ryan throwing two ill-fated interceptions. Bucs are 1-1 on the season, as is Atlanta.
It’s not the year of the Locusts – In last weeks CFC, I suggested the Bengals might want to consider a name change to the Locusts as they only show up every x number of years. This year is obviously not that year. Kerry Collins substituted for made-for-tv-movie Vince Young, and led the Tennessee Titans to a 24-7 victory over the Cincinnati Bengals. Collins was 14 for 21 with 128 yards passing and a TD, while Carson Palmer continued his struggles this year throwing for 134 yards and getting picked twice in the loss. Johnson rushed for 109 yards, supporting Collins efforts. Titans are 2-0 and lead the AFC south, while the Bengals hover in the basement at 0-2.
Underwear Changer Number 1 – Four games that haven’t been reviewed yet might require an underwear change afterward since they ended up being so close you might have had an accident in your pants. The Colts / Vikings was such a meeting. With Minnesota’s defense introducing Peyton Manning’s helmet to turf more often than not, it appeared highly likely the Indianapolis Colts would be on the short end of the scoring stick in this one. With 5:54 left to play, Manning showed why he is named after a great quarterback – wait he is the great quarterback Peyton Manning – by pitching a 32 yard TD pass to Reggie Wayne, then watching Addai run for two to tie the game, thwarting a five field goal night by Minnesota’s Ryan Longwell. Manning ended up with 311 yards and one TD with a pair of interceptions, but more importantly, Indy came up with a win 18-15 on an Adam Vinatieri field goal with three seconds left, sealing the victory. If that doesn’t make you change your underwear nothing will, except maybe too many hot wings on 15 cent wing night.
Underwear Changer Number 2 – Seems weird to use the number two to denote second in an underwear changing list rather than standing for number two actually in the underwear, yet that is the case. The Washington Redskins trailed the New Orleans Saints 24-22 with just under four minutes to play and 67 yards separating them from the endzone when Jason Campbell thought of an easy way to victory. “Hey let’s go 67 yards in one play”. Hey, good idea! He avoids the rush, goes deep to Santana Moss, and just like that, the Redskins are 2-0 with a 29-24 victory. Campbell throws for 321 yards and Clinton Portis just misses a buck, going 96 yards on 21 carries. Drew Brees throws for 216 yards, but two interceptions in defeat. Maybe Phillip Rivers isn’t so bad. Saints fall to 1-1.
Underwear Changer Number 3 – All over North Carolina, football fans are happily shopping for new under garments as in two weeks, they’ve almost gone through a three pack of underpants watching their Panthers. This week, Carolina comes back after being down by two TD’s to the Chicago Bears, winning, John Casey supplying nine points, and Jonathon Stewart coming up with TD on a four yard run, and the Panthers hang on for a 20-17 victory. Seems appropriate two guys with the first name John would be responsible for a Carolina under garment change. Carolina improves to 2-0 on the year, while they drop Chicago to 1-1. Jake Delhomme stinks in the victory, throwing for 128 yards and one interception, while Kyle Orton isn’t much better for the Bears, throwing for 149 yards.
Underwear Changer Number 4 – Deep in a buffalo pile, the Bills rally for ten points in the last 4:10 of the game, beating the Jacksonville Jaguars 20-16. The Jags looked to have this one well in hand, but forgot to flush, and the Bills storm back to move to 2-0 on the season, knocking Jacksonville to 0-2. Going into this year, most sports minds would have predicted the exact opposite records for these two teams, with Bills fans having two more pairs of panties than they currently own now. I wonder how much underwear sales end up going up in the fall, minus of course those purchased strictly for Christmas gifts.
And Finally, the Blowouts – Four games turned out to be blowouts. Aaron Rogers led his Packers to victory 48-25 over the Detroit Lions. Rogers went off for 328 yards and three scores in victory, while John Kitna was picked three times in defeat. Green Bay is 2-0 on the season. Detroit? 0-2.
Blowout Number 2 – The New York Giants laid waste to the St. Louis Rams, thrashing them 41-13. New York’s defense does not appear to be missing any pieces in victory even though it is, and the Rams look like they are about 19 pieces shy of a 22 man puzzle in defeat. The Rams fall to 0-2 on the season. New York is 2-0. Eli Manning gets 260 yards and three TD’s in, compared to Matt Bulgers’ 177 yards, 1 TD and an INT. Wham Bam, thank you Ma’am say the Giants…. On to week three.
Blowout Number 3 – Can you say Kurt Warner is back? Apparently the highest passer rating a QB can score is a 158.3. I have no idea why the .3 is there or why 158.3 is the highest (I guess the QB rating system never met the metric system), but being as such, Warner registered his third perfect rating of his career, tying Peyton Manning for the NFL record, while guiding his Arizona Cardinals to a 31-10 shellacking of the Miami Dolphins. Warners’ final numbers? 361 yards and three TD’s. Yea, that is pretty good. Wonder if Matt Leinart has taken his helmet off on the sideline yet. Edgerrin James went over the 15,000 yard mark for his career, only the fourteenth guy to pull off that particular stunt, and Arizona is 2-0 on the season. Anquan Boldin caught all three TD passes Warner threw, the longest a 79 yard strike early in the first quarter.
Blowout Number 4 – Usually when typing a recap about a blowout, and mentioning the Oakland Raiders, the Raiders are on the diaper side of said blowout. This time they are the administrators of it in a 23-8 victory. Kansas City definitely had the look of a dirty diaper in this one, changing quarterbacks almost as often as a baby swaps diapers in a three hour period, using three on both the Raiders and the buttocks. Raiders move to 1-1 on the season, while the Chiefs just smell at 0-2.
As the curtain closes on another NFL week, we have ten teams yet to lose, while on the other end of the stick ten other teams have not yet tasted success in the 2008 season. CFC throws away his bucket of KFC ready for another commercial called work before the NFL resumes in week 3.