Way back on Monday we found out that Mats Sundin was a little closer to making his decision on whether or not to come back to the NHL. We also found out that we was leaning closer to retirement than anything.
Now, rather than take the advice of Steve Yzerman and Joe Nieuwendyk and keep playing if there's doubt in his mind, Sundin decided to shy away from his August 1 deadline and keep churning the idea around in his mind.
Asking everyone who's sick of this situation to raise their hand is redundant—especially since the first time I asked that, it led to Tim Hudson's Tommy John surgery. Needless to say, the Atlanta Braves pitcher is obviously very concerned about Sundin's decision, and his hand shot up so quickly it shredded his elbow.
Sidenote: I'd like to take a minute and say that this was not at all true. Tim Hudson's favorite hockey player is Marek Malik, followed closely by Jody Shelley. I would now like to quote the movie Borat:"...NOT!!"
Lame references to popular movies that I didn't like aside, anyone who's even seen the letters NHL is probably as sick of this as the continent of North America is about Brett Favre's...er...situation.
So what do you do when you're tired of all of the Sundin-Hype? The Swedish Mumbo Jumbo?
You watch movies—and just like Dane Cook says, no one doesn't like movies.
So here you go: 10 movies you can watch while Mats Sundin makes up his mind:
1. I Am Legend
This one is a no-brainer. A movie about the supposed last man on Earth with an entire theatre full of people enraptured by his every move and decision?
Put a hockey stick in Will Smith's hands and all of the sudden you've got the Mats Sundin story—a man who's just as careful about resuming his career as if he were the last man on Earth (or the last Swede playing hockey).
My advice? Go and get I Am Legend. At least it's got zombies—which are a hell of a lot cooler than Bill Daly.
2. The Rookie
I'm a two-sport kind of guy—plus, it is baseball season, so why not go with a bit of a seasonal choice?
But if you're not a baseball fan, this movie is still worth watching. Why? Because it features a 38-year-old guy who wants to get on to a professional sports team, not two 38-year-old guys, one of which who says he is retired and then comes back only to find his spot has been filled and whines his way out of town, and the other who still doesn't know after five months.
That, and it's a lot better than Disney's latest romp in the sports world: The Gameplan.
3. Slap Shot
Anyone who argues this choice is definitely enjoying the Sundin Saga way too much.
Besides, it's the last memorable thing (except Cars) that Paul Newman ever did. I think. (I'll be honest, I don't really follow his career that closely.)
4. Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
First of all, this movie features two actors—Jason Bateman and Rip Torn—that are great in their own regards. I think that Bateman is one of the most underrated actors out there today, and Rip Torn has one of the best names ever—although a lady named Pascale Clapp makes me smile too).
Aside from that, Dodgeball is a great story, especially if you think of it as a metaphor for the Maple Leafs upcoming season. A small-time team (ok...not a very good start) that no one likes (getting better) is composed of a Pirate (This could have been Darcy Tucker), an annoying teenager (Luke Schenn?), Jamal Mayers, a flukey, middle-aged whipped dude, some strange lanky guy, and possibly a fearless leader—if Sundin comes back. This team takes on the world despite everyone laughing at them, and surprises people all the way to the Finals.
Or the Leafs will give up six goals in the first period and a half of every game this season, and Dodgeball will be my movie of choice to watch when that happens. Either way, it helps you forget about Sundin.
5. Batman: The Dark Knight
Alright, if you haven't seen this movie then I'm very hard-pressed to know why. Even if you don't like Batman, the special effects, the explosions, and the skin-melting goodness are enough reasons to see this movie anyways. (I'm about to SPOIL SOMETHING extremely HUGE in the following paragraph. If you've seen it then you can read. If you plan on seeing it....DON'T READ. I implore you.)
Another great reason? The lead female role actually dies. How cool is that? Granted, it's Maggie Gyllenhaal, but no one every does something like this in film. What made it even better though is that the Joker was not only able to exploit Batman through his female counterpart, but actually make him PAY for his feelings. Ok, back on topic.
Okay, everyone can come back now.
Anyways, for those of you who haven't seen it yet, get off TSN and ESPN for a couple of hours. I promise, nothing is going to happen while you're gone, okay?
6. The Bucket List
This one doesn't have any real sports jokes tied to it—unless I was going to say that retiring from the NHL and NFL were on the bucket lists of Mats Sundin and Brett Favre—but it's really a good movie.
It follows Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson (two extremely gifted actors) as they travel together accomplishing things they'd like to do before they die. What makes this movie really interesting is how the two different walks of life that their characters come from is portrayed. Great film.
7. Robot Chicken
Okay, so it's not really a movie, but still—a series of 15 minute shorts of grown men playing with action figures is a great way to spend an afternoon. At least it's better than refreshing the Toronto Maple Leafs website every fifteen minutes.
That, and if you go out and buy a bunch of McFarlane figures, you could stage your own NHL episode of Robot Chicken where his fellow players force Mats Sundin out of retirement! Hilarity ensures tongiht at 9pm Eastern/8pm Central on the Comedy Network!
8. What Women Want
First of all, I've never seen this movie, so no one say anything.
Second of all, it's got Mel Gibson in it, but as far as I know he doesn't kill anyone—a slightly different role for him right?
What really intrigues me about this movie is the fact that Mel can hear what women are thinking. Which got me to wondering—what if we could hear what these athletes are thinking.
Maybe Brett Favre is saying to himself "If I just play a few more years I can become the spokesman for Motrin: Arthritis Pain." Maybe Mats Sundin is wondering "How many more years do I have to play before I can afford to buy IKEA?"
Meanwhile, Mike Tyson is walking around somewhere wondering why people can't take him seriously as a person. Go figure.
9. The Godfather Series: There's not much I can say about this films: They're amazing.
That, and by the time you finish all three, Mats Sundin will have probably made his decision.
They're long—just ask Ken Armer.
10. Living Next Door to Alice by Smokie
Granted that this is a music video, and the original isn't that funny, but there's a little bit of a contemporary version out that you can find that will make your day.
Because Bleacher Report is a family network, I can't tell you the words or anything, but if you're 16 or over, go to this youtube video, and just listen. You'll laugh and forget about all these damn "retirements."
After all, laughter is the best medicine—isn't it?