Celebrity Excuses for Not Attending My Super Bowl Party

This year, I decided that I wanted to throw the greatest Super Bowl party ever. In order to get the ball rolling, I had to dust off my little black book, which happens to contain contact information for a number of various celebrities in the entertainment business and sports world.

Sad to say—after all my efforts—I struck out across the board.  Either way, I felt it would be worth sharing the responses that I received from everyone...And here they are…

Celebrity Excuses for NOT Attending My Super Bowl Party (2010 Edition)

Lane Kiffin— Someone told me that he was committed to being here, but likely would show up for a little while, and then take off early.

Gilbert Arenas — I never got an RSVP back from him, guess he couldn’t pull the trigger, or maybe his schedule was loaded.

Braylon Edwards — I heard he dropped the invitation somewhere between the mailbox and front door.  Usually, I wouldn’t buy this excuse, but in this case, it makes sense.

Adrian Peterson — See Braylon Edwards.

Conan O’Brien — He was all about coming, but would’ve been a half hour late…And he hates to start parties on delay.

Mark Sanchez — He said he’d only consider coming if we were serving hot dogs. I asked if “pigs in a blanket” were OK, but I haven’t heard back. Who knows, maybe he’ll still show.

Tim Lincecum — He declined once he heard I wouldn’t be serving “magic brownies.”

Mark McGwire — Even if he opened up last minute and informed me that he was going to show, I don’t think I would believe him.

Mike Leach — I actually never invited him—too afraid that maybe he’d lock me up in my bathroom if he didn’t approve of my guacamole.

Jim Leavitt — I didn’t push him after his first decline for fear for my own safety, you know.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino — Nevermind…The conversation went downhill after I told him that all he needed to bring was a six-pack.

Brett Favre — He said it was “highly unlikely” that he’ll show up.  Don’t worry…I have him included in my total head count.

Tim Donaghy — He didn’t want to gamble with making the trip, and risk not arriving to my place on time. That came as quite a shock, actually.

Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse — They did respond, but I’m so confused, I have no idea if they’re coming or not.

Heidi Montag — Even if she did show up, I’m fairly certain that I wouldn’t recognize her.

And finally…

Rex Ryan — The dude flipped me the bird. A simple no would have worked. I guess it could have been worse. He could have said he was taking a trip to “Revis Island” instead. Oh well…

It appears as if I will not be having any famous people over to my pad. On the bright side, at least I can eat my guacamole in peace—and on my couch, too.

Enjoy Super Bowl XLIV, friends!

Disclaimer: In all honesty, I know zero celebrities, and don’t even own a little black book.