Event Horizon: The Black Hole Raiders' Franchise

Mitch MansfieldContributor IJanuary 27, 2010

OAKLAND, CA - JANUARY 19:  Linebacker Eric Barton #50 of the Oakland Raiders celebrates with fans in the Black Hole after the 41-24 victory over the Tennessee Titans in the AFC Championship game at Network Associates Coliseum on January 19, 2003 in Oakland, California.  The Raiders moved on to the NFL title game for the first time since 1984.  (Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images)
Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

It is ironic as shit that Raiders fans take so much pride in their nickname as the “Black Hole.” Honestly, that name is perfect for that D list franchise. Lets get nerdy on this.

The general theory of relativity states that a black hole is a part of space from which nothing can escape. Basically, around a black hole is an undetectable shit storm that marks the point of no return for anything that goes into it.

It is not hard to see how ironic this is in the sporting world as the Raiders and the Black Hole, completely and utterly embrace this definition. Since the Raiders last went to the Super Bowl in the 2002 season they have completely imploded. No player that enters the Black Hole will benefit from entering the dark abyss.

The organization is a disaster from head to toe. Coaches have been terrible to say the least as they turnover a new coach every year. Take their newest coach, Tom Cable. Just when you think the Raiders have learned that Cable will be released after assaulting another coach in addition to being a shitty coach, the brain trust in the Raider’s front office decide to keep him around another year. Genius!

This is all a product of shit rolling down hill. It all starts from the crazy sea monster owner, Al Davis. As much as I can respect his career in football he is a senile old man and needs to turn over the reins to someone that was born after the invention of electricity. Davis has become a joke, and with him, the Raiders.

Even Raider’s fans have the reputation of being the dredges of society. If they aren’t cursing, throwing beer at 10 year olds, or pissing themselves, they are trying to stab some other fans and getting caught on ESPN.

Every football player should run for the hills if they are getting recruited to the Black Hole. Either tat, or they should simply do as Randy Moss did and dick around until they finally trade you away.

The Raiders are a mess and if you can’t get rid of the old man at least start with getting rid of a quarterback that is arguably the worst first round draft pick ever. But wait! That would be smart and logical and that wouldn’t be the Raider way. Al Davis has done it again and hired Hue Jackson as offensive coordinator. It actually is a good move coaching wise however you cant make chicken salad out of chicken shit. Russell needs to be benched or put at another position because he lacks the ability to be a good quarterback. You need to be able to think on the fly, be a leader, and most importantly not run like Howard the Duck. These are characteristics that Russell does not and will not obtain.

Although I will point out every retarded move the Raiders do I must admit I love it. The worse the Raiders do the happier I get. And the way it looks right now, the Raiders are going to be garbage for years.

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