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December 28, 1996.

On this date, the Minnesota Vikings met the Dallas Cowboys in a wild-card matchup at Texas Stadium.  Aside from the Cowboys thumping the pre-Randy Moss Vikings 40-15 and attempting to win their fourth Super Bowl in five years, not much stands out about this game.  Except for the fact that it was the last time the Cowboys won in the post season.  

For a franchise dubbed “America’s Team,” largely due to its participation in eight Super Bowls—winning five of them—as well as a string of twenty consecutive winning seasons (1966-85), there is something uncomfortably sobering for Cowboys fans about this thirteen year stretch of futility.  The simple truth is that not much has gone right for Dallas since the days of the Triplets imposing their will on opponents, and Charles Haley’s giant member wreaking havoc on teammates.        

Starting the year after the playoff victory over the Vikings (1997), the Cowboys have gone through five different head coaches (after employing only three during the first thirty-seven years of existence), trotted out eight different starting quarterbacks, lost six consecutive playoff games, and failed to reach the postseason seven times. 

However, all of these bad memories are on course to be wiped out this year.  Not only are the Cowboys playing in the largest, most expensive football stadium ever built (which from here on out will be referred to as “District 9”, because, well, it reminds me of that giant freaking spaceship from the movie District 9 ), they are looking at their most successful all-around season since the mid- 90’s.  Even better, they are going to win Super Bowl XLIV.  

Go ahead.  Let that last sentence sink in a little.  The Dallas Cowboys are going to win the Super Bowl this year.   

Seems like a huge stretch?  Sounds completely unrealistic?  Well, allow me to explain my prediction by breaking down the rest of the Cowboy’s regular season (Part I), as well as examining the likely foes that Dallas will face in the playoffs on their way to Miami (Part II).   

As with any sports-related prognostication, you can never account for the unknowns, like random injuries, player suspensions, or giant asteroids striking the Dallas-Ft. Worth Metroplex.  So I am basing this bold forecast on how the teams have played to date, as well as on the rosters as they are presently constructed.  For the sanity of all Cowboys fans out there, let’s hope that Tony Romo doesn’t contract some horrible form of VD from whatever new blonde he now has perched in Jerry’s luxury box on game day.

I. The rest of the regular season

The final eight weeks of the Cowboys schedule looks like this: at Green Bay; home for consecutive games against the Redskins and Raiders; at the Meadowlands for a NFC East clash with the Giants; return to District 9 to host the Chargers; back-to-back road games against the Saints and Redskins; and the season finale at home versus the Eagles. 

Out of these eight games, the toughest tests will likely come against the Saints and possibly the Chargers and Giants.  The rest of the matchups are definitely winnable.  Here’s a week-by-week breakdown:

Week 10

The Cowboys face a Packers team that is reeling from an embarrassing loss to the previously winless Tampa Bay Buccaneers, as well as an overall disappointing season.  Not only did the Packers give up three touchdowns in the last twelve minutes to the Bucs and their rookie quarterback, but Aaron Rodgers solidified his status as the quarterback most likely to not throw the ball away under pressure and take a drive-killing sack.  If they handed out an award for this, um, achievement, the NFL would seriously have to consider naming it after Brett Favre’s former understudy.  Combine Rodgers' Ball Separation Anxiety (BSA, for short) with Green Bay’s porous offensive line, and I smell a DeMarcus Ware sacking spree. 

Week 11 & 12

After their trip to Tony Romo’s homeland, the Boys luckily face two of the most dysfunctional teams in football, the Washington Redskins and the Oakland Raiders  As of Week 9, the Redskins had notched victories over the mighty Rams and Bucs…and no one else.  Oh, and those wins were by a combined five points. 

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