Memo To Appleton, Wisconsin Sports Writer: Quit Your Day Job

Dear Tim Froberg,

To paraphrase "Officer and a Gentleman," only two things come from Appleton, Wisconsin, and I don't see any horns on you boy.

Readers, I've been to Appleton. I know a thing or two about northern Wisconsin. Actually, there are really only two things to know.

1. It will take you at least 45 minutes to drive anywhere you want to go.
   
2. It makes you long for the "big city" life of Milwaukee.
   

To put it mildly, Wisconsin isn't like Michigan, with several large size towns. There is Milwaukee, and then there is the rest of the state.

Sure, Madison is a fine town if you enjoy Natty Light and chlamydia, but other than that, you're better off stopping in Chicago or driving right on through.

So Appleton, whose favorite son, Rocky Bleier, played football for the Steelers, isn't exactly a bustling, sports-crazy metropolis.

The population—roughly the size of the combined students at Michigan and Eastern Michigan—works mostly at Kimberly Clark paper company. This means that the only time Americans ever think of Appleton is when they're changing rolls after a courtesy flush.

It should be noted that the residents of Appleton do not use Kimberly Clark products, rather, they subscribe to the Appleton Post-Crescent.

See, nobody in Wisconsin actually reads local newspapers. Everyone subscribes to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinal which arrives every morning by emergency airlift, and weighs about 200 pounds (300 on Sundays).

The local newspapers in towns like Appleton, Manitowoc, and Oskosh are the literary equivilent of a man talking to himself on the subway—sure something intelligent may slip out every so often, but no one is listening anyway.

Tim Froberg, a sports writer (and I use that term loosely) really showed his backside the other day when he participated in a Lions-harmless">point/counter-point with fellow subway bag lady, Dan Kohn.

Kohn, for his credit, looked at the Lions early schedule, close games, and win over the Redskins to postulate that Detroit is a dangerous team, that the Packers (2-2) shouldn't overlook.

Froberg, probably taking a break from his Legos and stuffed animals, titled his article, "Detroit Lions are No Match for Green Bay Packers."

Tim, completely glossing over the points Dan Kohn made in his article, cherry picks some stats, and forgets that the Lions have played four of the better teams in the NFL, while the Packers have played the Rams. (Can you say stat padding?)

Froberg also forgets that his hometown hero, Brett Fa...uh, Aaron Rodgers, has spent more time on his back than a Letterman intern.

Bee-Tee-Dubs, Mr. Froberg, while you're sticking your nose up at the rushing average of Kevin Smith, remember that Ryan Grant has yet to eclipse 100 yards this season, even against the boys from St. Louis.

I'm not calling for a win this Sunday, but let me tell you this, when playing a team that just took the World Champs to the wire, you may want to curb your enthusiasm, and you may want to stop yourself from providing them with any bulletin board material.

It should be mentioned, Tim, that you've gotten more comments from Michigan readers, this week than on your last dozen or so articles combined. Perhaps even the good people of Appleton have stopped reading your article before cleansing their backside with its contents.

If I had to pick a moment they stopped caring about what you wrote, it would be when you indicated that a trip to a major league ballpark was as exciting as the first lunar landing.

So thanks, thank you for going out on that journalistic limb and picking the Packers, a 13-point favorite to win a home game this weekend. A better article would have been what would happen if the Packers can't go 2-0 in the next two weeks against Detroit and Cleveland.

That article would have required research, opinion, making a stand.

The article you did write could have been reproduced by a relatively few monkeys in a relatively short amount of time.

Hmm perhaps it was...

Michael Schottey is a Detroit Lions Featured Columnist for Bleacher Report and the producer and host of The Average Joe Sports Show on 860AM KNUJ (New Ulm, MN). He is also an NFL Analyst and Senior Writer for DraftTek.com.