NFL Weekly Whip-Around: Lessons From Week Two

Bryan HollisterAnalyst ISeptember 22, 2009

SAN DIEGO, CA - NOVEMBER 23:   Quarterback Peyton Manning #18 of the Indianapolis Colts in action against the San Diego Chargers during their NFL Game at Qualcomm Stadium on November 23, 2008 in San Diego, California. (Photo by Donald Miralle/Getty Images)

Well football fans, another week is in the books. We only had one game on Monday night, but it was enough to satisfy everyone except Miami Dolphins fans.

And yet again, there was plenty to be learned from this week's games.

To wit: 

Titans running back Chris Johnson is fast. No, make that STUPID fast. In fact, if Chris Johnson had decided to make track and field a career instead of football, Usain Bolt would only be the fastest man in Jamaica.

On his two long runs from scrimmage Sunday, he wasn't even trying hard and he made the Texans secondary look like they were walking. I'm surprised he wasn't leaving contrails behind.

Peyton Manning might just be a cyborg. Kind of like Data from Star Trek:TNG. The more games he plays, the more he can look back into his data banks to find the particular defense he is facing, and tear it apart.

It's almost like he has a spy in the opposing team's camp who scans all the defensive plays and emails them to him a day or two prior to the game.

While we are on the Miami—Indy game, two lessons were learned Monday night; first, Miami learned that football games last 60 minutes, and it doesn't matter that you control the game for the first 55 minutes.

If you let the last five minutes go, guys like Peyton Manning will score on you before you can get to the line of scrimmage.

Second, we all learned that Miami stinks at the two-minute offense.

It is becoming apparent that lucky bounces aren't quite the anomaly that we once thought they were.

After watching Andre Johnson make not one, but two "tip the ball in the air and catch it" receptions, a redirected pass caught for a first down, a muffed punt bounce into a pursuer's arms (yes, it was called back, but still, the way it bounced is the issue here), and a dropped pass bounce off of a player's heel DIRECTLY into a defender's gut, which was run back for a TD that should have stood, the term "lucky bounce" needs to be replaced with "heads up play."

There are two robot Jay Cutlers, or at least a real Jay Cutler and an evil robot Jay Cutler (ala Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey). The question is, who is holding the remote controls?

Jerome Bettis may have retired too early. Rashard Mendenhall is an okay runner, but he isn't the line buster that Pittsburgh needs. And Willie Parker seems to be running with his shoes tied together.

We won't even discuss Mewelde Moore.

Mike Singletary is going to be just as good a coach as he was a middle linebacker. What he has done with the 49ers organization is nothing short of amazing.

Michael Crabtree needs to fire his stupid agent and accept a contract with this team, because they just might be going places.

With the way things are going right now, Matthew Stafford and the Lions are liable to win a game this year before the Titans do.

At least Detroit has a ready excuse for losing—they are the Lions, for crying out loud—but the Titans don't seem to be able to get all their considerable cylinders firing.

The number of fumbles throughout the league is getting out of hand. Hold on to the rock, people...turnovers are game killers!!

Finally, Jerry Jones knew what he was doing when he put the gigantic TV where he did, and punters are smarter than we think they are.

There were a few close calls, but no rebounds off of the TV yet. We KNOW the Cowboys aren't going to hit it, and I would hasten to say that no one will.

And that's it for this week, folks. I only got to watch a handful of games, so if there was something to be learned in a market outside of Nashville, please feel free to leave it here so we can all share.

Otherwise, see you next week!!