17 Seconds To Fame: A Proposal Of Nicknames For Oakland Raiders

Bleacher ReportSenior Analyst ISeptember 6, 2009

We have all heard that no one can give themselves a nickname. I happen to believe the same thing about styles in comedy. A comedian just has to have the confidence to say what he or she believes and let the trained viewers define it.

For instance, if you try to be the "laid back Canadian" it will come across as trite. Surely, there is a new style waiting to be seen, it just results from the willingness to have the confidence to put your foot down on what you believe.

I mention the "laid back Canadian" because someone once asked me for help writing jokes, and that he wanted to be the "laid back Canadian," and I told him that it was like trying to give yourself a nickname.

You just gotta do your thing and let the audience decide what it is.

The question here is the origin of the nickname. What exactly determines whether a person should have a nickname?

I, for instance, had tried "the hobby horse" which is an abstract reference to the Dada art movement of the early 20th century. I also tried "Pinnocchio's Twin" to no avail, but people have called me "Mr. X," because well, it is my name.

You can't give yourself a nickname; however, you can give one to others, just as the sports media quickly dubbed Tom Cable as "The Cable Guy."

To me, the art of a nickname is to see something about someone else that others don't see.

I say that because it is a fact that 17 seconds of negative thinking has been shown to reproduce negative thinking, thus forcing yourself to think positively for 17 seconds will result in positive and proactive thoughts. Thus, you as an individual have a degree of control over how you view the world, and how you react to it.

That is yet another reason why I can't stand the propaganda that the sports media will spin about the Raiders. Just ask Jay "Marionette" Mariotti (funny thing is, the only letter lost is an, "I").

It might sound nihilistic, but you can essentially program the cognition's (thoughts) of your brain.

You gotta start somewhere.

Thus, I propose to Raider Nation that we must take a proactive effort in giving nicknames to Raider players, and that if we keep repeating them, eventually they will catch on.

Nnamdi Asomugha: Another easily-derived nickname "N/A" or "not available," as in, his side of the field is, "not available."

Johnnie Lee Higgins: The nickname I propose for Higgins is simple: if you say his first two initials "JL" it sounds like "jail." Since his returns are electric and get the Raiders out of a jam, I came to "Jailbreak." Thus, the nickname for Higgins is "Johnnie Jailbreak" or just, "Jailbreak." That nickname would have all kinds of marketing value and theme songs.

Richard Seymour: We in Raider Nation need to welcome the newest member of Raider Nation, who will surely be around for years to come. I think the best nickname comes from Robin Hood with King Richard the Lionheart. Thus, Richard Seymour is "King Richard," or "the Lion."

Greg Ellis: Considering that Greg Ellis, the designated sack specialist, came from the UNC and played for the Dallas Cowboys, his nickname can be, "The Hired Gun."  An alternative would be, "The Slinger."

Kirk Morrison and Thomas Howard: Two underrated linebackers for the Raiders that take the brunt of the blame when the defense collapses in the late 4th quarter or against the Saints. Howard came from the University of Texas, El Paso which reminds me of country western music ("El Paso" by Marty Robbins), which inexplicably reminds me of Smokey and the Bandit.

Thus, Morrison is Smokey and Howard is the Bandit. I hope that puts pressure on Jon Alston to step-up in order to earn a nickname from Raider Nation.

Trevor Scott: Here's a nickname that is easy to understand, "TS." Scott showed that he can be feisty and hard to handle as a rookie in 2008, so "tough s*it" certainly seems fitting.

Darren McFadden, Justin Fargas, Michael Bush: I dropped the previous idea and decided to change this one to The Allies of Victory.  The alternative is Run DMC.

The Offensive Line and Oren O'Neal: Ever since the Raiders selected Robert Gallery, I have thought he looked like a character from the Lord of the Rings. Considering that, the Raiders organziation has three Super Bowl rings, then it is not far fetched to call our blockers and unheralded but tenacious field warriors, "The Orcs" (does that mean Al Davis is Golem?).

It would also help explain some of the costumes in the Black Hole.

The Receiving Corp: The Raiders have speed at receiver and grinders at tight-end.  I like the nicknames of, "The Burners and The Bulls."

The Special Teams: Considering that we in Raider Nation have the reputation for being the fringe and whacko "conspiracy theorists," I think it would make sense to call our special-teams unit, "The Lone Gunmen." Obviously, "Lone" and "Gunmen" contradict each other, but the idea is that on special teams, each player is essentially acting as one, it just happens to be within a group.

Plus, special teams players are often called, "gunners."