Biggest World Football Blunders of the Weekend with Ronaldo, Bees and Rock Stars
Another weekend of world football action can only mean one thing: yet more football blunders, errors and calamitous chaos to compile and enjoy.
This week's roundup features a case of mistaken identity, bees, an early abandonment, two cases of players getting their teeth stuck into the game in a rather unorthodox manner, as well the usual goalkeeper gaffes and profligate strikers.
If you missed last week's collection—a Joe Hart-inspired reckless rush goalie special—click here.
Otherwise, click the button below or head for the arrows so we can get on with the show.
Match Abandoned After Team Reduced to Six Men Following Death Threats
As reported by The Guardian, a derby match in Italy's third-tier had to be abandoned after just 21 minutes, as five players were taken off injured leaving the visiting side, Nocerina, down to six men and unable to continue.
The laws of the game state that seven is the minimum number of players that must be fielded by a team during a football match.
Nocerina were not the innocent victims of fate, however, with the club's actions, using all three of their permitted substitutes in the first two minutes, designed to deprive the team of replacements for the injuries that were to come.
Prior to the match, their fans had been banned from attending games with players receiving death threats from their own supporters.
The team only took to the field after being persuaded to play by security officials with kick-off delayed by 40 minutes.
Getting the game underway wasn't enough, however, and Nocerina's regional rivals and hosts, Salernitana, found themselves awarded with a default 3-0 win for under 25 minutes worth of work.
Goalkeeper Chomps Down on Opponent Suarez Style
Luis Suarez will be able to add a new man to his list of potential dinner party guests as Boca Unidos keeper, Martinez Gullotta, showed that he too has cannibalistic tendencies in his team's Argentinian second division game with Union Santa Fe.
Gullotta may have grown peckish during what was a highly entertaining 4-4 draw that kept him very busy throughout the 90 minutes.
Unfortunately, before he could stop himself from sinking him teeth into the opposition's striker, the goalkeeper was already attempting to gnaw through his jersey in order to gain access to the fleshy energy boost underneath.
Hamburg Defender's Face Meets Post
While attempting to prevent Hamburg from slipping to a 5-3 away defeat to Bayer Leverkusen—a result that pushes them down ever closer to the Bundesliga's relegation places—German international defender Heiko Westermann collided face first with the upright of his goal with ugly results.
As the centre-back raced back to try and stop Son Heung-Min from completing his hat-trick, Westermann slid straight into the post, hurting his face and ribs.
His painful connection with the woodwork rounded off a match that the defender will want to forget, with at least two of Leverkusen's goals helped along by his mistakes.
Referee Sends off Player for Mild Celebration
Former Arsenal player Kyle Bartley found himself handed his marching orders at the weekend after stepping over the pitch-side advertisements to celebrate completing a match-winning brace for Birmingham City against Huddersfield Town.
Even though the defender didn't remove his shirt or enter the crowd, referee Gary Ward decided that his celebration was sufficiently excessive that it deserved a yellow card. With Bartley having already been booked, he was sent on his way to dressing room.
The ex-Gunner was signed by Swansea City in 2012 but has had to go out on loan to Birmingham in search of first-team football. His two goals proved to be the difference as the Blues won 3-1 away at Huddersfield.
Unless the referee's heavy-handed decision is overruled before the next batch of fixtures, Bartley may have to wait a little longer to build upon his decisive contribution to the result in future games.
Chad Smith of the Red Hot Chili Peppers Offends Flamengo Fans
Chad Smith, drummer for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, took time out from performing at a drum clinic in Belo Horizonte, Brazil last week to use a Flamengo shirt chucked onto the stage from the crowd to wipe his derriere.
Unfortunately, the next stop on the band's tour takes them to Rio de Janeiro, home of a club known as O Mais Querido do Brasil, or The Most Beloved of Brazil.
Flamengo are undoubtably one of the biggest and most passionately supported teams in the country, and with a gig scheduled to take place in their home city on the evening of Saturday, November 10, Smith was forced into a hurried apology to excuse his actions.
The man who provided the beat to the group's hit 'Can't Stop' tweeted:
I want to apologize for my inappropriate antics at the drum clinic,my joke about team rivalries went too far. Flamenco fans...I'm sorry.—Chad Smith (@RHCPchad) November 8, 2013
With the PR machine whirling into action, Smith was soon seen donning a (fresh) Flamengo shirt, signing autographs for the club's fans as well as meeting with their players to present the team with Red Hot Chili Peppers T-shirts.
Not the Bees, Not the Bees...
You may remember an inadvertently comical scene from the 2006 remake of The Wicker Man, starring Nicolas Cage, in which his character must suffer a mask full of angry bees.
Last week, a swarm of bees were again involved in another faintly hilarious, if rather more serious, clip as a cloud of stinging insects descended upon the stadium of Peruvian football team CNI Iquitos.
While it may look funny watching the action back from the comfort of YouTube, it's worth noting that the referee required medical attention after receiving a nasty sting from one of the diminutive, airborne pitch invaders.
The match was delayed while the bees were dealt with, with kick-off thankfully pushed back rather than called off completely.
Announcing the Wrong Ronaldo
French Sports Minister Valerie Fourneyron made a rather unfortunate error last week as she introduced the wrong Ronaldo to a World Cup 2014 presentation.
Ronaldo de Lima, one of the greatest No. 9's in the history of the game, was announced to the gathering by the minister as Cristiano Ronaldo, a declaration that was soon followed by slapping sounds as numerous palms met with faces.
While the gaffe was obviously awkward, Ronaldo reacted rather graciously. At least she didn't try to differentiate between the retired Brazilian and the very much current Portuguese super forward by describing the former as fat, as Sir Alex Ferguson did last year.
The former Manchester United manager was speaking before his side's match against Real Madrid last season and was trying to compare the athleticism of the two players. Brazilian Ronaldo wasn't happy and responded by telling the world he wanted the Scot's team to lose "every single game" on their fixture schedule, as reported by Ryan Bailey of Yahoo Sports' Dirty Tackle blog.
To be fair to Sir Alex, the method of calling the Brazilian as fat in order to distinguish him from the United and Real star came into widespread use amongst fans and bloggers following the World Cup winners' major weight gain later in his career.
In response, his fans and those who find such a description disrespectful have begun calling the former Barcelona, Inter Milan and Real striker Classic Ronaldo.
Keepers Saves Corner, Leads to Open Goal
Ural SR's keeper Igor Kot thought he was making a vital intervention when he darted out right to prevent a corner, but his actions only resulted in leaving his goal defenceless as his poor clearance fell to Rostov's Kaku Guelor.
Firing home into the empty net, the Gabonese attacking midfielder made it 4-0 on the night to punish Kot's misguided heroism and send the scoreline into humiliation territory.
Striker Misses Shot When It Would Have Been Easier to Score
Now to Bolivia where a match between Aurora and The Strongest somehow ended 0-0, following a horrendous miss that should have been a match winner.
Former Aurora striker Jair Reinoso had the goal at his mercy and yet somehow failed to poke the ball home in front of an open goal. His level of focus suddenly appeared ill-fitting of his current team's name.
Lithuanian Swamp Football Anyone?
Finally, we turn to Lithuania where the weather turned a match between Kruoja and Zalgiris turned into a mud bath.
Though Zalgiris went on to win 2-1, they faced more than just the usual defenders attempting to prevent them scoring with the pitch itself throttling shots and preventing at least one goal-bound shot from rolling over the line.