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Ah, it's that time of year again. Major League Baseball is getting into the swing of things, the NHL and NBA are entering playoff mode, and college basketball has just wrapped up another exciting season...

The Least-Knowledgeable NFL Mock Draft Ever

by JJ Stankevitz [HUMOR]

58

6,842 reads

Humor

April 16, 2008


Ah, it's that time of year again. Major League Baseball is getting into the swing of things, the NHL and NBA are entering playoff mode, and college basketball has just wrapped up another exciting season.

So, you know what that means:

All NFL Draft coverage, all the time.

Well, I'm sick of it, so I'm vowing not to watch a single minute of pre-draft coverage on ESPN. 

However, this doesn't mean I can avoid the mock drafts. There have been a lot of good ones on this site, but I've also read my fair share of pretty bad ones that get the classic anonymous comments of "wow, you're an idiot" or personal insults that are much, much harsher.

This is my 2008 NFL Mock Draft, that has absolutely no factual basis behind it and it meant to be purely fictional. So, don't say that "you're an idiot for having x player going to y team, because that's the point.

Without further ado, here's my 2008 NFL Mock Draft:

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58 comments Last one added about 1 year ago — Leave a Comment

  1. Chris D'Aniello about 1 year ago

    One of the best articles I've read.. awesome.

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  2. Joe Willett about 1 year ago

    You got one thing wrong U IDIOT. Brandon Inge would be a wide receiver, the lions wouldn't use a first round pick on anything else :)

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  3. Surfing Aztec about 1 year ago

    Ditto Chris. I was trying to gargle mouth wash while reading... My wall is now the color of Natural Citrus Listerine.

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  4. Zach Wade about 1 year ago

    "He's Pete Carroll, he can probably do it." Correction: He's Pete Caroll, he CAN do it.

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  5. Dan Wade about 1 year ago

    Awesome Article JJ, really clever!

    Did you know Ed Hochuli is a lawyer in the off season? True story!

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    • Chris D'Aniello about 1 year ago

      He's a scary dude. He did an Eagles game I was at and he's even bigger in person. A lot of refs are lawyers, though.

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    • JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

      Now I want to commit a crime just so I can hire Hochuli to be my lawyer.

      [Just kidding, for all you law enforcement personnel out there]

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    • Devlan Sheahan about 1 year ago

      Yeah i heard there are a lot of lawyers as refs, but someone should check Hochuli for 'roids that dude is huge! Great great article by the way, I laughed a lot during it...this is getting my pick of the day :)

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  6. Greg G. about 1 year ago

    Great article JJ. Your overall pop culture and sports realted knowledge makes for an entertaining read.

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  7. Mike Hempel about 1 year ago

    pretty funny, I must admit, but enough with the Buckeyes bashing....not cool at all.

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  8. Sean Crowe about 1 year ago

    This was so ridiculously fantastic that I have absolutely nothing to say. I'm speechless. That's how fantastic that was.

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    • JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

      That means a lot coming from somebody who spent so much time working on a legit mock draft. Thanks for the pick, too!

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  9. Jay about 1 year ago

    The icing on the cake for me was the Patriot's pick. Great article, certainly made me laugh out loud.

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    • JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

      I figure most Giants fans would like that one.

      A friend said I should have gone with Steve Spielberg for the Pats first pick because "At least the Patriots would have somebody credible working their cameras."

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  10. Joe Gearhart about 1 year ago

    hope you win the tickets dude. BASH the BUCKEYES!

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    • JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

      Haha, thanks Joe, but as I said earlier, I really don't care about the whole Bucks/Michigan rivalry. I care more about Mizzou/kansas...

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  11. Daniel Muth about 1 year ago

    LOL. Good article. Got your Long's mixed up though. Jake Long is the Michigan OL, and Chris Long is the DL from Virginia. Unless this is some other bit of humor. For example, Al Davis drafts Jake Long thinking he's Howie's boy...

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  12. Chris Radez about 1 year ago

    Nice job JJ ... might have a winner here.

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    • JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

      Thanks Chris...pass this along to anybody you know if you really think it's that good. I'm trolling for hits, basically.

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  13. John Fennelly about 1 year ago

    hahahahahahaha

    Finally, someone with a sense of humor

    One problem...the Jets would never make an astute pick such as Jake Long

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    • JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

      Hey, in a draft where Michael Beasley, Jonathan Papelbon, Trevor Hoffman, and Barry Bonds get taken, anything can happen...thanks for the read, John!

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  14. greg pitsch about 1 year ago

    nice article, but you got the longs backwards... jake went to michigan, chris went to virginia

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  15. BigReg about 1 year ago

    Man, I hope the Lions draft Pappelbon, screw it, he will probably end up like all the rest of the Lions draft picks, out of the league in 2 years. Great article!!

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    • JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

      Hahahahaha, thanks man. Also, the Tigers need pitchers, and you and your 7+ ERA might be well-suited for that staff...

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  1. Divya Parmar about 1 year ago

    Love the Bonds to San Fran reference. Outcast! LOL

    Great work.

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  2. Steve Clark about 1 year ago

    Dude, the Gatewood and Wheelwright parts were genius. Absolutely hilarious!

    And as far as the Longs go, at least here -- in this mock draft -- poor Chris Long gets to avoid Oakland. And Al Davis I mean, if Oakland were to draft Long, what are the odds Davis walks up, slaps his ass, and says "Great game today Howie!" after the end of every game this season... with Chris just blankly staring at him as he walks away? Davis is so far gone this exchange could actually happen, right?

    All I know is that Vegas wouldn't touch the odds for this thing... and Chris is in for some awkward moments if he gets drafted by the Silver & Black.

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    • JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

      Maybe he's make it another one of those "NFL against Al" conspiracies where he accuses the league of sending him Howie Long's son instead of the real Howie Long...

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  3. JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

    Whoops...meant "he'd" make it...duh.

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  4. JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

    By the way, a late thanks to everyone who has made this my most-read article on the site!

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  5. Jameson Fleming about 1 year ago

    Best article I've read on Bleacher Report since joining a few days ago. Well done. If this in the NFL Draft Coverage contest, it better win.

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  6. scott serles about 1 year ago

    Great article, I commend u JJ

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  7. Jacob Bridges about 1 year ago

    I wish I hadn't already used my pick of the day. One of the best I have ever read! I love the Gomez reference. He has been mighty quiet post-Bonds. Al Davis is a bumbling idiot hahaha.

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    • JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

      Thanks Jacob! Yeah, I haven't seen Gomez on ESPN since, what, September? Oh well. I guess it's not his fault he got to cover one of the biggest nutjobs (sans Davis) in sports.

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  8. Kyle Jensen about 1 year ago

    Definitely really funny, I liked it a lot, I was about to do my own "mock draft" like this, but then read yours and realized that I couldn't even come close to matching it. VERY GOOD!!

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  9. Nino Colla about 1 year ago

    How the heck did I miss this.. I might have not shammed myself with my attempt had I seen this.

    Now JJ, this is funny and all. But you could have just made the Always Sunny reference and I'd have given you 50 bonus points.

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    • JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

      Ah, your attempt was pretty funny as well.

      And I could quote Sunny all day. Is he a player? Is he a player? AAAGH! I HATE PLAYERS!

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  10. Kosty Yablon about 1 year ago

    haha i just read a couple of the draft picks, pretty creative stuff. I like Miami drafting beasley. pretty good stuff lol

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  11. Christopher Mango about 1 year ago

    mad funny, but u reversed jake and chris long

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  12. Max Iascone about 1 year ago

    is it just me or does "this guy" from the raiders pick look like Alice Cooper?

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  13. Max Iascone about 1 year ago

    *Alice Cooper with a mohawk*

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  14. JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

    Alright, let's see which picks I've got right so far:

    St. Louis (I'm going to count this because I purposely mixed up the Longs)

    That is all.

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  15. JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

    Final tally: 1/32 in the first round. Eat your heart out, Todd McShay.

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