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Ah, it's that time of year again. Major League Baseball is getting into the swing of things, the NHL and NBA are entering playoff mode, and college basketball has just wrapped up another exciting season...

The Least-Knowledgeable NFL Mock Draft Ever

by JJ Stankevitz [HUMOR]

58

6,842 reads

Humor

April 16, 2008


Ah, it's that time of year again. Major League Baseball is getting into the swing of things, the NHL and NBA are entering playoff mode, and college basketball has just wrapped up another exciting season.

So, you know what that means:

All NFL Draft coverage, all the time.

Well, I'm sick of it, so I'm vowing not to watch a single minute of pre-draft coverage on ESPN. 

However, this doesn't mean I can avoid the mock drafts. There have been a lot of good ones on this site, but I've also read my fair share of pretty bad ones that get the classic anonymous comments of "wow, you're an idiot" or personal insults that are much, much harsher.

This is my 2008 NFL Mock Draft, that has absolutely no factual basis behind it and it meant to be purely fictional. So, don't say that "you're an idiot for having x player going to y team, because that's the point.

Without further ado, here's my 2008 NFL Mock Draft:

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58 comments Last one added about 1 year ago — Leave a Comment

  1. ...

    One of the best articles I've read.. awesome.

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    You got one thing wrong U IDIOT. Brandon Inge would be a wide receiver, the lions wouldn't use a first round pick on anything else :)

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    Ditto Chris. I was trying to gargle mouth wash while reading... My wall is now the color of Natural Citrus Listerine.

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    "He's Pete Carroll, he can probably do it." Correction: He's Pete Caroll, he CAN do it.

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    Awesome Article JJ, really clever!

    Did you know Ed Hochuli is a lawyer in the off season? True story!

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      He's a scary dude. He did an Eagles game I was at and he's even bigger in person. A lot of refs are lawyers, though.

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      Now I want to commit a crime just so I can hire Hochuli to be my lawyer.

      [Just kidding, for all you law enforcement personnel out there]

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      Yeah i heard there are a lot of lawyers as refs, but someone should check Hochuli for 'roids that dude is huge! Great great article by the way, I laughed a lot during it...this is getting my pick of the day :)

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  6. ...

    Great article JJ. Your overall pop culture and sports realted knowledge makes for an entertaining read.

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  7. ...

    pretty funny, I must admit, but enough with the Buckeyes bashing....not cool at all.

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  8. ...

    This was so ridiculously fantastic that I have absolutely nothing to say. I'm speechless. That's how fantastic that was.

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      That means a lot coming from somebody who spent so much time working on a legit mock draft. Thanks for the pick, too!

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  9. ...

    The icing on the cake for me was the Patriot's pick. Great article, certainly made me laugh out loud.

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      I figure most Giants fans would like that one.

      A friend said I should have gone with Steve Spielberg for the Pats first pick because "At least the Patriots would have somebody credible working their cameras."

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    hope you win the tickets dude. BASH the BUCKEYES!

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      Haha, thanks Joe, but as I said earlier, I really don't care about the whole Bucks/Michigan rivalry. I care more about Mizzou/kansas...

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    LOL. Good article. Got your Long's mixed up though. Jake Long is the Michigan OL, and Chris Long is the DL from Virginia. Unless this is some other bit of humor. For example, Al Davis drafts Jake Long thinking he's Howie's boy...

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    Nice job JJ ... might have a winner here.

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      Thanks Chris...pass this along to anybody you know if you really think it's that good. I'm trolling for hits, basically.

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    hahahahahahaha

    Finally, someone with a sense of humor

    One problem...the Jets would never make an astute pick such as Jake Long

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      Hey, in a draft where Michael Beasley, Jonathan Papelbon, Trevor Hoffman, and Barry Bonds get taken, anything can happen...thanks for the read, John!

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    nice article, but you got the longs backwards... jake went to michigan, chris went to virginia

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    Man, I hope the Lions draft Pappelbon, screw it, he will probably end up like all the rest of the Lions draft picks, out of the league in 2 years. Great article!!

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      Hahahahaha, thanks man. Also, the Tigers need pitchers, and you and your 7+ ERA might be well-suited for that staff...

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  1. ...

    Love the Bonds to San Fran reference. Outcast! LOL

    Great work.

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    Dude, the Gatewood and Wheelwright parts were genius. Absolutely hilarious!

    And as far as the Longs go, at least here -- in this mock draft -- poor Chris Long gets to avoid Oakland. And Al Davis I mean, if Oakland were to draft Long, what are the odds Davis walks up, slaps his ass, and says "Great game today Howie!" after the end of every game this season... with Chris just blankly staring at him as he walks away? Davis is so far gone this exchange could actually happen, right?

    All I know is that Vegas wouldn't touch the odds for this thing... and Chris is in for some awkward moments if he gets drafted by the Silver & Black.

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      Maybe he's make it another one of those "NFL against Al" conspiracies where he accuses the league of sending him Howie Long's son instead of the real Howie Long...

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    Whoops...meant "he'd" make it...duh.

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    By the way, a late thanks to everyone who has made this my most-read article on the site!

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    Best article I've read on Bleacher Report since joining a few days ago. Well done. If this in the NFL Draft Coverage contest, it better win.

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    Great article, I commend u JJ

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    I wish I hadn't already used my pick of the day. One of the best I have ever read! I love the Gomez reference. He has been mighty quiet post-Bonds. Al Davis is a bumbling idiot hahaha.

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      Thanks Jacob! Yeah, I haven't seen Gomez on ESPN since, what, September? Oh well. I guess it's not his fault he got to cover one of the biggest nutjobs (sans Davis) in sports.

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    Definitely really funny, I liked it a lot, I was about to do my own "mock draft" like this, but then read yours and realized that I couldn't even come close to matching it. VERY GOOD!!

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    How the heck did I miss this.. I might have not shammed myself with my attempt had I seen this.

    Now JJ, this is funny and all. But you could have just made the Always Sunny reference and I'd have given you 50 bonus points.

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      Ah, your attempt was pretty funny as well.

      And I could quote Sunny all day. Is he a player? Is he a player? AAAGH! I HATE PLAYERS!

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    haha i just read a couple of the draft picks, pretty creative stuff. I like Miami drafting beasley. pretty good stuff lol

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    mad funny, but u reversed jake and chris long

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    is it just me or does "this guy" from the raiders pick look like Alice Cooper?

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    *Alice Cooper with a mohawk*

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    Alright, let's see which picks I've got right so far:

    St. Louis (I'm going to count this because I purposely mixed up the Longs)

    That is all.

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    Final tally: 1/32 in the first round. Eat your heart out, Todd McShay.

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