Everyone knows that most professional athletes make very good money in the prime of their respective careers. They get paid millions of dollars to do a job that they love—a job that most of us would do for free—and the adoration of throngs of fans is just an added bonus.
The fact of the matter is these guys are spoiled—plain and simple. They only work a few months a year and are treated like royalty everywhere they go. They get to work outdoors, travel frequently and enjoy first-class accommodations along the way.
If things are that great when you're at work, it's no wonder that at some point coming home and watching Duck Dynasty reruns on a modestly-sized television loses its luster. Time away from your job is supposed to be better than time at your job, otherwise everything is out of whack.
Now, if you hate your job with the burning intensity of 1,000 suns, pretty much any post-work activity is going to be a glorious respite from the grind. If wearing a beard of bees sounds more appealing than a day at the office, then you don't need a bunch of expensive toys to come home to.
Athletes, on the other hand, do. The better the job, the better the toys need to be. The more money an athlete makes, the more lavish the toys need to be. The longer the career, the bigger the collection needs to be to keep his home life satisfying.
That's just science. Now let's take a look at some of these badass toys already!
Considering former NBA great Allen Iverson has been reportedly broke for years, you have to think he'd like to have the money he blew on his many cars back. But at least he had his fun while it lasted.
Apparently Iverson put less than 3500 miles on the Hummer H1 Alpha HX before deciding to get rid of it—and we all know how well Hummers hold their value (they don't). He no longer owns the Escalade, and the status of the Bentley GT is unknown.
Lakers center Chris Kaman has a lot of toys, none of which are suitable for children. If it can't inflict a deadly wound on a defenseless animal, this guys is not interested.
Kaman has got an extensive collection of automatic rifles and a closet (perhaps even a few closets) filled with camouflage for every occasion.
And if you think there is an occasion for which camouflage isn't appropriate, well then you don't know Chris Kaman. I'm pretty sure he wore it on his wedding day.
When I first saw unemployed linebacker Bart Scott's ridiculously massive Koi pond that he had installed in the summer of 2012, I thought to myself how sad he's going to be in a few years for dumping who knows how much money into a giant novelty money-sucking machine.
On one hand, he's definitely going to regret this monstrosity at some point. On the other hand, he probably didn't actually pay full price for it—assuming he had to pay for it at all. I imagine those Tanked guys do plenty of high-profile work like this for free because of the publicity it receives.
That being said, that thing must cost a fortune in maintenance. Hopefully he's got a gig with ESPN lined up.
Lakers star Kobe Bryant seems well aware that he can't take his massive wealth with him when he dies, which is why he doesn't mind spending mad cash on luxury items to make his life better.
In addition to cars, furs and plenty of real estate, Bryant also owns his very own helicopter. Can't blame him for commuting to the Staples Center in this thing—traffic in L.A. is absolutely killer.
Sometimes, when he's feeling particularly generous, he lends it out to friends in need of a quick lift.
Golfer Tiger Woods has been one of the highest paid athletes in the world for over a decade, so it isn't any wonder that he didn't think twice about dropping a cool $20 million on his mega-yacht named "Privacy."
[Insert exaggerated eye roll here]
Note that the photos of the interior are not of Woods' specific craftobviously he's way too private for those to be released publicly. They are sample pictures of another 157-foot Christensen Trideck Motor Yacht, known as Hull 026.
Speaking of Tiger Woods!
Honestly, with all the riches and luxury items he's got tucked away in and around his massive Florida mansion, Tiger Woods could probably fill an entire slideshow himself. The private jet, sports cars and vacation homes are all typical rich guy fare.
However, his lumped out Buick golf cart doesn't come standard. Woods has a number of luxury golf carts like this, but he values his privacy so much that we have no way of knowing how many. Probably a billion...
Maybe I'm taking the "toy" think a little too literally in the cause of Nuggets guard Nate Robinson. Although, there's no denying that's a pretty expensive setup he's got in the backyard.
Sometimes it's really irritating to see what athletes waste their money on, but I never get tired of seeing them go a little overboard for their kids. Imagine how amazing it would've been to grow up there!
Puts my rusty old swing set to shame.
Newly-signed Mavs forward DeJuan Blair accepted a one-year deal in Dallas that is expected to pay him the league minimum. It probably wasn't exactly what he was looking for, but given his expensive taste, a paycheck is really the most important thing at this point.
Blair is actually a magician—he managed to turn 50 pesos into $100K. Surrounding something with diamonds is the best way to increase its value! And as for his bedroom? Well...it certainly looks expensive. It also looks like a lot of that stuff can malfunction and would require a very high end electrician to fix it.
Only a dude named "Bubba" would blow $110K on the General Lee, automotive star of The Dukes of Hazzard. In January 2012, Bubba Watson attended the Barrett-Jackson automobile auction in hopes of scoring his dream car.
According to Watson, he has "loved the show forever" and made a deal with his wife that if he ever won a golf tournament, she would let him get the car. Well, he won a few tournaments and clearly his wife is a woman of her word.
That's right. Panthers wide receiver Steve Smith has a Mercedes-Benz golf cart that probably cost him more than the price of your actual car that you drive on the actual road. He just uses this thing to get around the grounds of his massive home and the golf course it's likely built on.
According to the Getty Images caption, this is a "Casual portrait of Carolina Panthers Steve Smith riding custom Mercedes-Benz golf cart outside his house in N.C." Unfortunately, the photo is seven years old, which means this that thing is wicked outdated.
Mercedes recently released sketches of their new "Vision Golf Cart," which is driven with a joystick and is powered by solar panels. And if that red cart cost more than your car, these new ones will cost more than five of your car. Smith needs to get on the horn and get with the times.
Sometimes I think that athletes exist mostly to make the rest of us feel bad about our lives. It's like…no matter how great your job is, you don't get to play basketball for a living.
That sweet raise you got last year? LeBron James probably has equal to that in loose change stuck in furniture cushions around his house.
And your girlfriend may be easy on the eyes, but how does she stack up against Derek Jeter's flavor of the month? Probably not well—unless you happen to be a professional athlete too.
Now check out Celtics point guard Rajon Rondo's arcade version of H20 Overdrive. I bet your crummy little XBox and/or PS (whatever number they're at now) are looking mighty lame right about now.
Retired footballer David Beckham has got the need…the need…for speed. Shut up. Top Gun is awesome and if you don't like it, well then you're probably younger than me and I'm jealous.
Back to Becks. This guy has got a massive car collection, but when he's in L.A. he's often spotted jetting around on his Confederate F131 Hellcat Combat motorcycle. Beckham also owns a couple of Ducati bikes but definitely favors the Hellcat for casual cruising.
If you're in the market for a Hellcat, I hope you've saved your pennies. A new one will set you back a minimum of $85K. I have no clue what the price is on the vintage number Beckham boasts.
American Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte's golden Gillette razors rank up there with Donald Trump's golden toilet in terms of being unconscionably useless.
To Lochte's credit, at least the razors were a gift from the company for which he is a spokesperson for—he didn't go out and buy these things.
So what the hell is Trump's excuse? Oh right...he's an idiot.
Oh man. Nobody tell Shaq that Rockets big man Dwight Howard is zipping around town in a custom-made three-wheeler with a Superman paint job.
The Superman Society (it exists) will never hear the end of it.
It's unclear how much that bad boy set Howard back, but something tells me it didn't come cheap. A top of the line three-wheeler can run over $10K—that's before all the custom bells an whistles.
I have no clue how Knicks forward Kenyon Martin is living in New York, but I know he's livin' large in Texas during the offseason. He owns a palatial mansion, which is outfitted with everything you never thought you needed, but once you have, you can't live without!
Martin's mansion has seven fireplaces, a two-bedroom guest house, two water slides, two elevators, a 10-car garage, bronze dolphin fountains, and multiple wet bars. It also features four private bowling alleys—because bowling is so much more awesome when you don't have to mingle with the common folks.
How I continue to exist without a bronze dolphin fountain in my life is a mystery.
Getting literal with the toys again! Your childhood trinkets wouldn't make it on this list, but Clippers point guard Chris Paul spares no expense when it comes to spoiling his young son and nephew.
Paul's son is rocking out on a state-of-the-art karaoke machine, right next to a big (more like huge) screen TV in his very own home theater. And his nephew has a Cadillac Power Wheel that must make him the envy of every kid in a 200-mile radius.
Yeah, I'm jealous.
A lot of people collect things. My grandma collected overpriced snow globes. My smarty pants aunt collects vintage books. And I collect shot glasses, because I am a massive disappointment. Whatever though, my shot glass collection is pretty amazing.
Heck, I once saw a lady on Hoarders who collected dirty adult diapers.
The dirty diapers thing gives me a slightly better perspective on Cardinals linebacker Darnell Dockett, who carelessly collects exotic animals. Hopefully he enjoys his toys while he can, because I have no question this will end very badly down the road.
A few years back, aging Yankees treasure Derek Jeter was featured in a Sports Illustrated slideshow entitled "Athletes on Boats." However, for some reason, the photo was captioned with a blurb touting The Jeet's stats and career achievements.
Absolutely nothing about the glorious boat he's happily posing on. A Google search turned up evidence that Jeter actually does own a boat—perhaps even two boats. So I think it's safe to say this sailboat could very well be one of them.
Thunder big-man Kevin Durant actually owns (or has owned in the past) a number of luxury sports cars. His collection includes a Ferrari California, a Camaro SS with a custom matte red paint job and a Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG—which resembles the Batmobile.
You can see all those by clicking here. But if you ask me, none of them even hold a candle to KD's badass '90s GMC van. In November 2010, he took his neighbor on an MTV Cribs style tour of the van. The resulting video was predictably hilarious.
Click here to watch "Kevin Durant's Got a Van and a Plan!"
Leave it to Deion Sanders to keep finding things I never knew existed to spend lots and lots of money on. I came across this picture while scanning his Twitter photos and it piqued my interest. I've never seen anything like it before, so I decided to do a little research to see what one of these bad boys would set me back.
After struggling with search terms for awhile, I finally realized it was some sort of massage chair—which was very helpful. A few minutes of browsing later and voilà! It sure looks like an IB Wellness Inner Balance Wellness MC660 Zero Gravity Massage Chair. Wowza. That's a mouthful.
And that mouthful can be yours for the bargain basement price of $3,000. Don't worry though—shipping is free.
I have no way of knowing if Clippers forward Matt Barnes actually owns these military grade assault rifles, or if he and the little lady are shooting someone else's military grade assault rifles at a gun range in California.
Not that it matters either way. Barnes definitely has access to these guns. He seems to really enjoy playing with them. And they are most certainly very expensive. Which means they qualify as an expensive toy.