Preseason NFL Power Groupings

(Photo by Hunter Martin/Getty Images)

Borrowing from ESPN's Bill Simmons and Nino Colla's MLB Power Groupings, I'm making my first attempt at some preseason NFL rankings that probably don't mean anything in the grand scheme of things.  I have to admit, though: it's fun to debate them.

Group I: Continued Struggles

St. Louis Rams, Cleveland Browns

I put these two clubs at the bottom of the barrel because of their offensive deficiencies last season and because neither squad seemed to have done anything to improve them.

The Rams have a promising back in Steven Jackson and a quarterback who I thought was pretty good, but they have to play up to their potential for St. Louis to be successful.

Cleveland's got two starting quarterbacks, which, according to the old adage, means they don't have a starting quarterback.  They're also trying to move their best wide receiver who suffered from a severe case of the dropsies, and they already moved a good tight end in Kellen Winslow.

Group II: Nowhere to Go but Up

Detroit Lions, Cincinnati Bengals, Kansas City Chiefs

I think I'm in the minority, but I really like what the Lions did in the NFL Draft with their first pick.  I have a feeling that Matthew Stafford will be better than Mark Sanchez, and will eventually take over the starting job from Daunte Culpepper this season.

Cincinnati struggled mightily offensively, but a lot of that can be attributed to the loss of Carson Palmer to injury.  Whenever a guy from Harvard's running your NFL offense, you've got trouble.  Palmer will be back and Cincinnati will be better off that way.

Kansas City added Matt Cassell to throw to Dwayne Bowe and brought in some veteran linebackers in Mike Vrabel and Zach Thomas to help mentor some of the young players they have on the defensive line, such as Glenn Dorsey and Tyson Jackson.

Group III: Trapped in Purgatory

Oakland Raiders, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Denver Broncos, Jacksonville Jaguars

All four of these teams have a different kind of purgatory that they're stuck with coming into this season, listed below

Oakland: They're stuck with an owner who has a "my way or the highway" attitude.  The problem is that his way is like the freeway in Speed that isn't finished yet.  

Except Oakland doesn't have anyone as beautiful as Sandra Bullock to jump the gap.  They just have JaMarcus Russell.

Tampa Bay: They got rid of the quarterback schizophrenic, Jon Gruden.  Problem is, they still don't have a quarterback.  Why they aren't racing to Hattiesburg, Mississippi to talk to some one near there is a mystery to me.

Denver: Josh McDaniels just seems like he's not quite sure what he's doing yet. Obviously he has a great football mind, but he hasn't gotten the handle on the management aspect of the head coaching job.  

He really botched the Jay Cutler situation.  It's like he switched schools, told the hot girl at his new school how much better his girlfriend at his old school was than her, and then ended up with that one girl who looks alright, but has kind of a big nose and one of those smiles with a bad gum-to-tooth ratio.

Jacksonville: The problem with the Jaguars is that they have a bunch of guys that are dependable, but nobody at any position who's spectacular.  With great receivers, David Garrard would be a good guy to have.

Problem is, their best receivers are an old Torry Holt and Cleveland outcast Dennis Northcutt.

Group IV: Day-time TV

Buffalo Bills, Dallas Cowboys, San Francisco 49ers, Washington Redskins

What do you think of when you think "soap operas?"  Because I think of ridiculous drama and not-very-good-acting.

Buffalo will see more newspaper reporters than ever before with the addition of Terrell Owens.  

T.O.'s most recent old team, Dallas, is still run by Jerry Jones, and having him in the locker room or on the sideline always makes for interesting situations, especially with a spineless head coach like Wade Phillips.  

Outspoken head coach Mike Singletary will (hopefully) come up with more gems like this. 

With the Redskins, the peak of the drama might have passed during free agency, but with a continued desire to replace Jason Campbell, I can see it continuing through the season.

And while these teams will be fun to watch off the field, I don't think they'll be nearly as interesting on it.

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