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Bonuses for the Best of the UFC in March

Scott HarrisFeatured ColumnistApril 1, 2013

Bonuses for the Best of the UFC in March

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    From Georges St-Pierre to Nick Diaz to Mark Hunt to Colin Fletcher, March was kind of a wacky 31 days in the life of...the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

    Looks like it's time to hand out the metaphorical hardware for the month's best knockout, submission and fight inside the Octagon. It's just like the UFC's post-fight bonuses, except there's no money or prizes, and instead of the UFC giving out the awards, it's me! You know, Scott Harris from Bleacher Report. I know, I'm excited, too.

    In a departure from the UFC model, I have been known to sprinkle in some additional bonuses in recognition of very special moments. Truly am I very generous when there is no money involved. Are there any extra bonuses sprinkled herein? READ ON.

    For February's UFC bonuses, go here.

Knockout of the Month: Wanderlei Silva

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    In the very arena that made him immortal (Japan's Saitama Super Arena, former home of the Pride promotion), Wanderlei Silva woke up the echoes with his knockout of Brian Stann at UFC on Fuel 8.

    Though it may not be a regular occurrence in the sunset phase of Silva's career (and may have the unfortunate side effect of prolonging a career that probably won't benefit from a lot of additional prolonging), the nostalgia-jerking brawl was stirring all the same.

Knockout of the Month Part Deux: Mark Hunt

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    No submissions in two UFC events this month. So how about a bonus KO bonus?

    No one better to reap that particular spoil than heavyweight Mark Hunt, whose knockout of Stefan Struve at UFC on Fuel 8 was vicious enough to elicit interest on a purely medical level, then earn him a shot with ex-champ Junior dos Santos at UFC 160.

Fight of the Month: Carlos Condit vs. Johny Hendricks

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    After winning that co-main event battle at UFC 158, the popular Johny Hendricks finally got his wish and will face Georges St-Pierre for the welterweight title.

    But Carlos Condit upped his own popularity, too, proving again why he's one of the toughest outs—not to mention most exciting fighters—in the sport. 

Bonus Bonus! Coach of the Month: Miesha Tate

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    For telling boyfriend Bryan Caraway to "just coast" in the third round of his fight with Takeya Mizugaki at UFC on Fuel 8, Miesha Tate receives highest honors for MMA peri-combative pedagogy. 

    Never mind that Caraway, in taking her advice, urinated away a close fight to a determined Mizugaki. Never mind that! This was one shining moment if I ever saw one. And win or lose, for that one shining moment, Miesha Tate, you knew you were alive.

    This must be why she's in line to coach the next season of The Ultimate Fighter. I, for one, can certainly conceive of no other reason.

Bonus Bonus! Sad Clown of the Month: Colin Fletcher

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    Colin Fletcher was known for an unorthodox submission game and a, whatever, who am I kidding. He's known for his crazy tattoos, Nosferatuesque appearance and those walkouts where he comes out dressed as a child's nightmare.

    As we all know, however, the UFC isn't all that into that sort of thing. Even after he dampened his usual theatrics, Fletcher's entrance getup was still outlandish by UFC standards.

    But Fletcher's even more serious transgression was that snoozefest loss to Mike Ricci at UFC 158. All to say, the future's not looking so bright for Mr. Fletcher from a UFC perspective. Shame, too. I like crazy walkouts like that. But hey, maybe I'm just crazy. Crazy like a crazy clown.

Bonus Bonus! News Conference Oopsie Daisy of the Month: Nick Diaz

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    After his loss to Georges St-Pierre at UFC 158, an exhausted and frustrated Nick Diaz took the podium. I'll leave you with perhaps his most memorable words of the evening's discourse:

    You know what? I've never paid taxes in my life, no joke. And no one wants to hear that kind of talk and what's going on with me. I might as well just be a kid. I've had fight after fight after fight after fight, and you don't know what that does to somebody who didn't graduate high school. Take it into consideration for a second what three fights a year will do to you your whole life. And the only time you have some time off, it's not like it's a vacation – everybody's telling you you're this piece of s---, you're suspended, you ain't fighting this guy, you ain't fighting that guy, you have to come back and dance around a bunch of hard hitting people. It's a rough sport.

    Someone get this man an accountant. And a doctor. No, make that a team of doctors. Also, a nice bowl of soup.

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