Michael Cole is a stupid man. That isn't something that is much of a secret to wrestling fans, but there are different levels of his stupidity. Often times, Cole is fed lines through his headset to say shocking and annoying things. At other times, he is just plain stupid. Cole can say dumb lines at dumb moments and completely ruin a moment. Fans have complained multiple times this year that Cole has actually ruined events with his commentary alone.
That does not include the ways that Cole has ruined the product this year while being in the ring. Cole got himself involved in multiple matches throughout the year, and even wrestled in matches at three different pay-per-views in 2011.
All the while, it is those moronic words coming out of Cole's mouth that have defined Cole's year with WWE. It is a little bit sad that a list like this can even be made, but here are just 10 of the stupidest things Michael Cole said in the last 12 months.
The pay-per-view of the year for many fans was the Money in the Bank pay-per-view. At that event, we saw Mark Henry and Big Show begin their string of great pay-per-view matches, as well as Alberto Del Rio and Daniel Bryan seal their fates as future world champions.
The main event of the night was the match with the most hype. CM Punk, close to leaving WWE, as his contract was set to expire, would attempt to take the WWE Championship from John Cena.
A fantastic match considered by many as Match of the Year would end with Punk hitting a GTS and winning an amazing match in front of his hometown crowd. The electricity of the moment was amazing...at least until we kept hearing "oh my God" by Cole. Cole would then try to update us on how much time until midnight, when Punk's contract was supposed to have run out.
In a great moment like that, sometimes, it is best to not say anything and have the crowd's reaction do the talking. Jerry Lawler did not say a thing, and even gave his headset up to Vince McMahon when Del Rio was called out to try and cash in Money in the Bank. A picture is worth a thousand words, and just a couple of words from Cole can turn a priceless moment into nearly a worthless one.
A few weeks ago, as Mark Henry and John Cena faced one another, Kane debuted with a vengeance. It seemed like Kane would return to attack Henry, the man who took Kane out months earlier.
As we now know, Cena was the actual target for the returning superstar. The moment was unexpected and was a fun experience...until Cole tried to speak.
Announcers make their big bucks with their calls during defining moments, especially those powerful enough to appear in DVDs and video montages. Returns are a popular thing to watch for by fans, and this had the chance to be a good one.
Instead, Cole sounded almost brain dead for a moment. Cole went for the "Is that...?" angle where he acts like he doesn't know who it is. Perhaps the familiar music, ring attire, lighting, pyro and entrance video were a giveaway.
This reminds me of another epic fail of a return call back in 2009, when Christian returned to ECW. Jerry Lawler had to try and salvage the call, just like Striker tried to save the moment from Todd Grisham when Christian came back. Again, less can mean more sometimes.
Michael Cole pissed off a lot of people in 2011, but nobody more than Jerry "The King" Lawler. After his feud with Lawler had ended with a loss, Cole returned to RAW in late May with his tail in between his legs. Cole had every reason to apologize, but he came back from it so weak that he had lost his edge. Weeks later, Cole would return to being so over the top as a heel that it hardly mattered that this apology even happened.
Cole didn't need to apologize in this way, but rather, refocus his anger. Bobby "The Brain" Heenan would never apologize to Gorilla Monsoon, so why should Cole look like such a wuss right here? He also sounded terrible, almost like the foot that was in his mouth from the "Kiss My Foot" match had impaired his ability to speak.
Michael Cole was never a fan of Daniel Bryan. Even when Bryan was a member of the original NXT rookie class, Cole was very negative about Bryan. In fact, one could argue that it was Bryan that brought out Cole's heel tendencies that are so common today. After Bryan won Smackdown's Money in the Bank this summer, you knew that Cole would have something to say about it.
Cole predicted that Bryan would be like every other Money in the Bank winner and wait for an incapacitated champion to cash in and become a world champion. Bryan denied this fact, suggesting that he would wait until WrestleMania in April 2012. We all know now that Bryan did not wait, but will we ever tell Cole that he was right? No.
Instead, he should just shut up and stop talking about storylines that are five months from actually happening.
A few weeks ago, when Raw was in Liverpool, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler did the typical international thing on commentary. The two of them made way too many references to the area they were in. Since they were in Liverpool, the Beatles references were fast and furious.
Then, in what seemed to be out of nowhere, Cole broke out a Cleveland Indians reference. The context was in talking about Zack Ryder beating Dolph Ziggler on Raw.
Cole said the non-title victory was like "preseason," which is apparently the only place where the Indians win anything. There are a few problems with this. For one, you are in England. Any references to American culture, while valid to the majority of the audience, are just random.
It also isn't very accurate. The Indians finished a game under .500 this season and were second in their division this year. Eighty wins hardly wins world championships, but they are not very terrible.
The reason for using the Indians reference is because Jerry Lawler is a die-hard fan of them.
Just a few weeks ago, RAW superstars were put into matches where they needed to win in order to be added to the TLC match for the WWE Championship. Among the matches was The Miz trying to earn a title shot against Randy Orton. The two had a decent match until Wade Barrett came out on the ramp. The following would be what Michael Cole would later refer to as a "slight hesitation."
Orton would get out of the ring, staring at Barrett. He would then run all of the way up the ramp as Barrett scurried away. The Miz would crawl into the ring. By the time Orton reached the spot that Barrett had stood from, he tried to turn back into the ring and continue the match. Orton was counted out and The Miz was going to TLC for the world title.
If that is a "slight hesistation," according to Cole, I could only imagine how Cole sees many other things in the wrestling world.
If there is one thing that will get a WWE employee in trouble faster than the speed of light, it is Twitter.
Michael Cole got himself into a world of trouble earlier this year when he took to the social media site to talk trash. He used a durrogatory word to describe Josh Mathews. Here's a clue: the word starts with an "f," is six letters long and is a hateful word about someone's sexual orientation.
The tweet was immediately removed from the account, and an apology was published soon after. Many thought that it was going to cost Cole his job, but it did not. It may have been one of the reasons that GLAAD was shown prominently for the Be A Star movement that WWE has been spearheading this year.
Cole's feud with Jerry Lawler was going straight toward their matchup at WrestleMania. There was a clause built into the contract that had the two not be able to touch one another. This played into Cole's ability to get under Lawler's skin.
Cole got a pop from the crowd one night at a Raw in Pittsburgh, as he made it seem like he was Jim Ross. As he dressed up as Ross, carried around BBQ sauce and kept spouting off buzzwords of JR's, Lawler had seen enough.
Lawler stood up, but was talked down from doing anything. Cole scurried into the Cole Mine, his "fortress of solitude," as he referred to it as. Cole then said that he was in there because it wasn't about him or Lawler, but rather, about the WWE superstars. That's interesting, because I think there are some superstars who would have killed to wrestle on a pay-per-view this year, let alone three, which Cole did.
Michael Cole got pretty personal with Jerry Lawler in their build to WrestleMania. Cole tried to bring in his own personal referee, but got beat out of that. He brought in Lawler's son, Brian Christopher—AKA Grand Master Sexay—to preach about how terrible Lawler was as a father. Nothing, however, beat the mentions that Cole had right before Lawler challenged Cole to a WrestleMania match.
Lawler had missed an episode of Raw due to the death of his mother, but was able to fight The Miz at Elimination Chamber for the WWE Championship. Lawler was not able to win, and Cole brought it up the following night on Raw. He also asked Lawler about how it felt to know that his deceased mother "had the best seat in the house."
It was enough to prompt a WrestleMania challenge, and, well, we know the rest of the story.
This moment certainly takes the cake, mainly because it seems like everyone could not believe Cole had to say it. Cole was talking about injuries sustained by Jerry Lawler following an attack by Mark Henry. Henry tried to slam Lawler through the table, but the table did not give way correctly and Lawler suffered some injuries from it, which Cole addressed. Among the injuries stated by Cole was "anal bleeding."
Even if that was true, why would you make that knowledge public? That is just way too personal to be stated on television, whether it was true or not. Just look at Booker T and Jim Ross's faces at that moment. It was just disgusting to watch, and the fans on Twitter were just as shocked about it.
That night, "#analbleeding" trended worldwide on Twitter. Do you know what also trended worldwide this year? "#ShutUpCole." I think we should stick to that personally.