Breaking Down Kobe Bryant's Christmas-Themed Nike Zoom VII Shoes

Kyle VassaloFeatured ColumnistDecember 13, 2011

Photo Courtesy of
Photo Courtesy of

There is a fine line between eye-catching and ugly, and Kobe Bryant's new Christmas-themed kicks have crossed it.

While the shoes certainly "pop," they've got a color scheme that is too bright for children's cereal and a ridiculous design that makes them impossible to take seriously.

Let's take a closer look to see how Kobe's Christmas-themed Nike Zoom VIIs grade out.

"WOW" Factor: 10 out of 10

Don't get too excited here. These shoes certainly mastered the "WOW" effect, but unfortunately, they will leave the masses saying "Wow, those are ugly."

They are, by design, one of the loudest shoes imaginable. Love them or hate them, they make everyone within a mile radius stop and stare.

Design: 1 out of 10

Not all shoes that explode off the feet of their respective owners are ugly, but these don't flash nearly the design prowess of the Air Jordan 4 Retro "Doernbecher," for example.

The random assortment of repulsive holiday colors is unbearable to look at. As if on a conquest to make them as ugly as possible, they splashed a cheetah pattern on the purple portion. The red laces and green placement throughout the shoes don't bring a feeling of Christmas. The design fails miserably here.

Overall Swag Grade: 1 out of 10

These won't generate the sort of reaction you are looking for. Opening up your wallet to get your hands on them would be a bad move. Kobe and Nike are both better than this. It's a shame they didn't learn their lesson after the Grinch version.

Kobe can't even pull of this monstrosity. Don't you dare try to. It's impossible to look cool while rocking this eyesore. Even if these were the most comfortable sneakers in the world, you should be embarrassed to wear them—even around the house.