I hate the Jets.
I used to like the Jets. I lived in Queens and they played in Queens. They were my team.
My dad got me into the Mets, and Jets sounded like Mets and they played in the same stadium so it made sense to my five year old brain to root for them. They were my team.
Then one day they left me. Headed off to some awful place called New Jersey. They turned on me, so I turned on them.
These days nothing makes me happier than a crushing Jets loss. Just losing isn't enough, it has to be crushing.
I enjoyed my Richard Todd Jets. I rooted for them in the AFC Championship game against Miami, where Todd completed five passes to guys in teal, and a guy named A.J. Duhe became the greatest Jets receiver of all time (too bad he was playing defense for the Dolphins.)
Then they left.
You leave me, I leave you.
Some guy named Ken O'Brien became the QB. Ken is the kind of guy that you don't appreciate while he's around. He "sucked"—but when he left and you got to see what sucking really was you kind of appreciate him. Nevertheless he played in New Jersey so I rooted against him.
Browning Nagle. Boomer Esisason. Bruce Coslet.
Now I really started to hate the Jets.
The Jets were NFL TV jockblockers. NBC would let us know that "next week most of you will see the greatest game ever, except in New York!" In New York we'd be stuck watching a crappy Giants game at 1pm and then a crappy Jets-Chargers game at 4. I got really good at UHF trying to suck in Channel 30 from Connecticut hoping to see anything but a crappy Jets-Chargers game. The Jets could be down 27-0 and NBC would not switch away from that game (I guess they still had Heidi-phobia). These were the days before the internet and fantasy football so good luck getting an out of town score. Finally half-time would come and Channel 4 would stick us with news. Kill me.
Rick Kotite came to town. I remember listening to WFAN and hearing all the Philly fans call in to laugh. People in this area didn't know what was coming. The Philly crew was right.
Then in 1994 the greatest Jets play of all time happened. I was at a bar on Queens Blvd. enjoying some beer and wings. The Jets fans were getting uppity as they do and chanting "Super Bowl!!!!" as the Jets were leading the Dolphins. Dan Marino walks up to the line as if he's going to spike the ball and instead throws a TD. I've never seen sports fans so crushed. To this day I enjoy yelling "Super Bowl!!!" when the Jets are up 3-0 in week one of the preseason.
Bill Parcells came to town. Jets fans got uppity again. Bill being Bill ran out on the Jets like he did a handful of other teams.
Bill Belichick became the HC of the NYJ for about five minutes longer than I did before he resigned.
Al Groh coached the team for an hour and a half and he ran away too.
Herman Edwards! It's never Herm's fault, it's yours. He's the Willie Randolph of football.
Fireman Eddie? Can't stand him.
And now Brett Favre is here to lead you to the promised land of Super Bowls and PSL's.
I hope Seattle crushes them today, and if you're reading this after the Seattle game and maybe the Jets did win—I really look forward to Chad Pennington returning to the Meadowlands to exact his revenge. What would be more fitting than Parcells and the old Jets QB ruining your season.
Same Old Jets.
I hate the Jets.