Tim Tebow: 10 Reasons Denver Broncos QB Is an Insult to the Modern NFL

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Tim Tebow: 10 Reasons Denver Broncos QB Is an Insult to the Modern NFL
Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

A drab, wooden courtroom, with two tables facing the stand. 

At the left table, Tim Tebow and his lawyer Skip Bayless review notes. At the right table, a sharply-dressed Prosecutor representing the National Football League confers with his assistants.

To the left of Tebow and Bayless stretches an impossibly long jury box, with millions looking on. This is the Court of Public Opinion, and it considers all.

Bailiff: All rise for the honorable Judge.

All rise. The Judge, a nondescript figure of authority, makes its way to the high chair. All are seated, and the NFL prosecutor begins his opening statement.

Prosecutor: Johnny Unitas. Joe Montana. Tom Brady. Peyton Manning. These are some of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. Their arm strength was gigantic, and their accuracy was pinpoint.

Pocket-passers all, these men represented the best of our sport, individuals who set and continue to set the bar which all other quarterbacks must be measured by. 

Today, we convene this Court of Public Opinion so that Mr. Timothy Richard Tebow may be tried for his crimes against that mythical, golden quarterbacking standard. He stands accused of soiling the great tradition of quarterbacks who have come before him. Every snap he takes is an insult to the modern NFL definition of a quarterback. 

During the course of this trial, we will hear from 10 witnesses for the prosecution, testifying in great detail as to the width and breadth of Mr. Tebow’s alleged depravity.

These witnesses are composed of respected NFL commentators, credible NFL analysts, first-hand observers, and even persons within the Denver Broncos’ organization itself.

I intend to prove without question that Tim Tebow’s presence as an NFL starting quarterback is an insult to the league. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, by the end of general testimony, you will come to agree with me.

The Prosecutor takes his seat. Bayless makes an impassioned opening statement omitted here due to its length and whininess. The prosecution moves to call its first witness.

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