Local Fraternity Alumni Football Team Demolishes Youngsters in Public

Alumnus OpusContributor IMarch 14, 2017



The smoke has finally settled… the dust finally cleared... and the Alumni were once again victorious in the 2008 Alumni vs. Active football game on Saturday October 18, extending their winning streak to five games. It was a hard-fought battle between two gridiron juggernauts, but as the saying goes, the cream rose to the top. This is how it went down…


First HALF


As usual, the Alumni won the invisible coin toss and elected to receive the ball first, pitting them against the monsoon-type winds in the first half (this strategy would prove to pay off in the second half).

On the second play of the game, QB Greg Sheehan dropped back and hit Mike Hastie for a 50-yard strike to open up the scoring and start the Alumni machine on their way to covering the 42-point Vegas spread. The next 11 series were slow as hell and went like this:


ACT – Punt
AL – INT thrown by QB Rich Callahan (No. 192 Schmax)
ACT – Turnover on Downs (botched snap)
AL – Turnover on Downs
ACT – INT thrown by QB Hanson (Brady)
AL – FUMBLE by QB Rich Callahan (Lando recover)
ACT – Turnover on downs
AL – INT thrown by QB Greg Sheehan (Kimbo)
ACT – Punt
AL – Turnover on Downs
ACT – Turnover on Downs


Just as the spectators started to doze off in the slowest half of football ever, QB Greg Sheehan scrambled and hit Jake Bornstein for the Alumni’s second TD of the day to put the Alumni up 14-0. In the next Active possession, brother “Alfredo” threw a ball that was intercepted by Mark Torigian to end the first half.


Jessica Alba performed the ever popular song “Hit Me Baby One More Time” (complete with wardrobe malfunction) at halftime while the brothers ate orange wedges and drank Gatorade.


Second HALF


The Actives received the ball to start the second half in what would end up being a much better performance by the entire Alumni squad.

The Alumni defense kicked it into high gear and forced the Actives to punt on their first possession. After matriculating the ball down the field quickly, Alumni QB Greg Sheehan threw a dart to O-lineman Pat Broderick to make the score 21-0. The Actives next possession ended quickly as Defensive MVP Brady intercepted his second pass of the day (thrown by Alfredo) to give the ball back to the Alumni.

Giving Greg Sheehan’s arm a rest from all those TDs, the Alumni handed the ball over to the backup QB Rich Callahan. Rich showed he still has some wheels as he ran the ball in for the fourth Alumni score of the day, making the score 28-0.
The train was running at full speed now.

The next Active possession resulted in another INT thrown by Alfredo (who secretly wanted to play for the Alumni) to veteran cornerback Matt Sumares. Alumni QB Rich Callahan wanted to show his full arsenal as he quickly threw a pass to Mark Torigian in the end zone giving the Alumni a commanding 35-0 lead.

The next two series by both teams ended up being quick “3-and-outs." Trying to spark some kind of life into their squad, the Actives gave the ball to the traitor QB Scott Canney (actual Alumni in grad school choosing to play on the Active squad). The Alumni showed him which team he should be playing for as the D-Line forced Scott to make an errant throw which was picked off by Brother Jake Bornstein and taken back for a TD. 42-0.

The gameclock was winding down and all the betters who picked the Alumni to cover the 42-point spread were counting their $50-dollar bills. But, with two minutes to go, the Actives showed some life and started moving the ball down the field.

Active brother Schmax hit Tim Rafferty in the back of the endzone to put the Actives on the board with one minute to go. 42-7.

The Actives kicked the ball off with 30 seconds remaining in the game. The Alumni ran the ball out to the 30-yard line with just enough time on the clock for one more play.

Alumni Offensive MVP Greg Sheehan saw a breakdown in coverage on the right side of the field. He quickly yelled “HIKE!," dropped back and spotted his favorite receiver Tim Ward streaking down the field. The Actives knew what was going to happen and two safeties started to head towards ‘T.O.ine, but it was too late.

With pinpoint accuracy, Greg aired it out hitting Tim Ward over the shoulder, arms stretched out, in stride, and Ward was off to the races for a 70-yard strike as time expired. 49-7. Spread Covered. GAME OVER.

It was a great day and good fun was had by all. And, the Alumni won, which is what it’s all about. Thanks to everyone who came and hope to see everyone else next year!

This is your Sig Tau news reporter Tim Ward… And don’t say you didn’t hear it from me.