Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
Tim Tebow makes his first non-Sabbath start as the surging Broncos, winners of two-straight, host the Jets on Thursday night in Denver. Denver whipped the Chiefs 17-10 last week at Arrowhead to move into a three-way tie for second in the AFC West, one game behind the Raiders.
"We’re 3-1 with Tim Tebow as the starter," John Fox said. "It’s true. Tim is a winner. He makes plays. And by ‘plays,’ I mean ‘two.’ We’ve geared our offense to accommodate Tim’s strengths, of which passing isn’t one. Tebow’s the only NFL quarterback with two, count ‘em, two, non-throwing arms.
"As for the Jets, we’re looking at Thursday’s game as a ‘good versus evil’ conflict. Rex Ryan and the Jets put the ‘ass’ in ‘moral compass.’ I hear the Jets are doing some soul searching after getting whipped by the Patriots. If it’s their souls they’re searching, I suggest they look down."
The Jets were pounded by New England 37-16 at MetLife Stadium last Sunday, as the Patriots seized the division lead in commanding fashion.
"Our season just wouldn’t be complete without a regular-season spanking from the Patriots," Rex Ryan said. "And speaking of ‘complete seasons,’ ours isn’t done yet. It won’t be until we fail to win the Super Bowl again.
"But you’ve got to hand it to Tebow. He has an inspirational message for us all. He’s inspired many not to watch Broncos games. Me? I’ve got an instigational message. It can be found in the rap song ‘Mile High State Of Mind’ by my good friend Jay-V."
Prior to the game, Ryan, in an "I’m With Stupid" t-shirt, hams it up with Sanchez. Sanchez, in turn, responds with his own t-shirt that reads "I’m Too Sexy For That Shirt, And Too Old For 17-Year-Olds."
The Jets eliminate the Broncos run game, leaving Darrelle Revis on an island with Denver’s receiving corps, who are left stranded by Tebow’s inaccuracy.
New York knocks the bejesus out of Denver, 27-13.