Dumb and Dumber: NFL Players and Their Dumb(er) Antics

Ricky ButtsCorrespondent IDecember 10, 2008


We have all heard the phrase, "Watching too much TV will make you dumb." For the few that may not have heard it, read this "How TV makes you dumb."

Now, I have never been one to believe in this.  Anybody with half a brain can tell the difference between TV and reality. This was especially true before shows like The Real World and Survivor made reality TV the giant it is today. Still, the people on these shows are no "dumber" than they were before being cast.

On the contrary, at least for myself, TV makes me feel really smart. I have noticed this a lot over the past year or so, just by watching ESPN. 

I see guys like Michael Vick, Matt Jones, Pacman Jones, and Plaxico Burress and wonder how they can make the mistakes they make. For some, they make the same mistakes twice or thrice.

I am starting to believe that for some, maybe TV does make them dumb.

For example, I think Mr. Burress watched the movie 8 Mile one too many times. Their is a rather unusually dumb character named "Cheddar Bob" who shoots himself in the leg. Here is the video.

Now, when I look at the Giants, I see this scene recreated with Eli Manning playing Eminem's part and Antonio Pierce playing Mekhi Phifer's. 

Manning says, "Plaxico!  What the freak are you doing!?  Where did you get the shit?"

Burress responds, "It's my moms."

Manning says, "Put that shit away dawg!  Before you freakin' kill somebody"

Burress, "Tank Johnson had more than one!"

Manning, "Put it away!"

Pierce, "Man, put that thing away."

Burress, "Ok, alright." *Shot goes off*

At the end of the movie, Eminem mentions the incident during one of his rap battles.  Now my guess is that in early 2009, a rapper will mention Plaxico Burress in a song, and most likely call him out for not being a real "G."

Michael Vick, he has been called out many times, but when I started thinking about this article, I couldn't help but mention him.  See, when I was little, there was this movie called Man's Best Friend. The dog in the movie was genetically altered into a super dog named Max.

Max could do just about whatever any other animal could do. Change colors like a chameleon, climb like a cat, and eat animals whole like a snake. He could even piss acid, but I don't know what animal does that.

How does this have anything to do with Vick?  Check out this clip and I think you will understand. "Max eats cat"

Now, either Vick grew up very scared of dogs because of this movie, or all he wanted was to see a dog eat something whole. Instead of trying it on cats, he used other dogs.  I have come to believe that he wasn't really holding dog fights, he was betting that a dog could really swallow another one without chewing.

Needless to say, he lost.

I find this one really disturbing.

I understand wishing you were like a celebrity. I would trade places with Justin Timberlake or Ashton Kutcher any day. Matt Jones would happily trade with Johnny Depp's character, Ted Demme instead. Not even Johnny Depp himself.

Ted Demme is the true character that Depp portrayed in the movie "Blow." Jones started with the hair and went as far as getting busted with cocaine.

Here is the thing. If you want to be a Johnny Depp character, why not find one that won't land you in trouble? Jones would have been much smarter following in the steps of the more love-able Gilbert Grape.

Now, this one should have definitely been learned from. To bad Larry Johnson didn't pay enough attention.

I don't know of anyone over the age of 20, that hasn't heard the stories of Ike and Tina Turner. Not as many have seen the movie What's Love Got To Do with It though. I figure Larry Johnson has it on DVD.

Not has he only been accused of domestic abuse once or twice, but how bout an astonishing four times. Two of them here in 2008, once in 2005, and another back in 2003. I think he likes to get rid of his girlfriends the way Laurence Fishbourne tried in this video.

See, Larry doesn't remember that Ike turned out to be the butt of many a joke. Tina on the other hand, ended up being a hero to battered woman all over the world. 

There are many more players that have lost track and acted out their favorite movies in real life situations.

"Pacman" Jones as the main brawler from Road House. Even Jerry Jones shows up, most notably at 1:47.

"Tank" Johnson must believe he is Neo.

Jevon Kearse, Cedric Benson, Cato June, Brandon Marshall, Dominic Rhodes, and Jared Allen (among many others) just want some "f$%kin' french toast."

They all make me feel really smart. A lot of these guys have been caught more than once.  This list was put together by the San Diego Tribune, as you can see, some guys don't learn their lesson.

I, in no way, mean to pick on the NFL solely.  MLB and NBA both have their own issues, but this season has been frustrating.  How can these players knowingly put themselves in incident after incident that could end their careers?

I know most of the people here at B/R wanted to play a professional sport at one time.  I am sure all of us would take the opportunity on the drop of a dime (or a multi-million dollar contract). 

These guys do the opposite.  I don't know about you, but if I am going to recreate a scene from a movie, it will probably be that of Jim Morris in The Rookie or Vince Papale in Invincible. I really don't want to be called "Cheddar Bob," not to mention, I love my legs.


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