The Worst Mustaches in Sports

While most athletes have a unique defining feature that complements their styles of play and respects for the game or insinuates their attitudes towards opponents, others seem lost in the search for the ultimate identifiers.

Whether it's a dominating beard that can hide any imperfection, bright red hair with a stripe of melancholy blue or an unorthodox soul patch that looks like a threaded ponytail, these aesthetically baffling features seemingly define an individual.

The glorified mustache is a difficult one to understand. While it fits certain lucky individuals, it looks quite awkward on the rest.

Unfortunately, these athletes never seem to have any perspective on the humor related to their attempt. But we must appreciate their effort.

Here are the 30 worst examples of where a mustache failed mightily in sports.

Enjoy.

30. Carl Pavano

After finishing a miraculous 2004 season with a record of 18-8 and an ERA of 3.00 for the Florida Marlins, Carl Pavano cashed in on a four-year contract worth $39.95 million with the Yanks.

Beginning with his first year in New York, Pavano would saw his ERA remain above 4.64 until 2010, when he decided to change things up.

After inheriting the mustache permanently, Pavano finished with a 17-11 record and an ERA of 3.75 for the Minnesota Twins.

'Stache gets this victory.

29. Michael Phelps

If the 16-time Olympic medalist was paying homage to Mark Spitz, then this look isn't quite as atrocious as we initially believed.

While he doesn't seem quite comfortable with it, the powerful 'stache may be water resistant.

Michael Phelps' facial expression insinuates his agreement.

28. Barry Zito

After a prolific seven-year career in Oakland, Barry Zito decided to keep his talents in the California area, signing with San Francisco for seven years and $126 million.

Now in his fifth year with the Giants, Zito has never seen his ERA dip below 4.03.

He clearly decided a change was necessary, albeit ridiculous.

His ERA didn't improve, and his sex appeal only dwindled.

27. Jason Giambi

When he hit 32 home runs in his last year with the Yankees, his mustache seemed acceptable. But now, after having muscled 13 home runs out of Coors Field for the Colorado Rockies, it's just overkill.

A subtle, yet firm 'stache turned into an awkward attempt at redemption.

While we appreciate Jason Giambi modifying his style for the current times, we believe a barber is needed immediately.

26. Brad Childress

This was unquestionably the tilted-head gaze that was aimed at a reporter who joked about his mustache.

With little hair on top of his head, former Minnesota Vikings coach Brad Childress should seemingly feel inclined to keep a full beard in check, as his 'stache seemed to be on an island by itself.

While we understand that he likely sported the facial hair on top of his mouth to cover up frustrated expressions or superfluous profanities, it clearly hindered his coaching development, leading to a .527 win percentage. 

Brett Favre seemingly couldn't take the mustache seriously.

25. Clay Zavada

While the illustrious mustache fits for some, it doesn't work for those who seem to be dominated by their own facial hair.

Meant as a complementary feature, the mustache seemingly took over the face of Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Clay Zavada.

Unfortunately for Zavada, he doesn't get much exposure for his Rollie Fingers-esque facial hair, considering he is on the Diamondback's Double-A affiliate, the Mobile Bay Bears.

24. Rollie Fingers

No man is more associated with the mustache than former MLB relief pitcher Rollie Fingers.

Only the second reliever to be elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame, Fingers enjoyed a fruitful 18-year career with the Oakland Athletics, San Diego Padres and Milwaukee Brewers, and is one of the few players to have his number retired by more than one team (A's and Brewers).

Some see it as the best mustache of all time, others the worst, but either way, hitters never had a chance against this distractingly abstract 'stache.

This picture isn't higher because it's arguably the best mustache as well.

23. John Axford

With 46 saves this year, first in the National League, MLB closer John Axford is quickly climbing the hierarchy of relief pitching.

However, when looking at statistical leaders, Axford's picture is crowded by his distinct mustache. His face might as well be left out.

He is on his way to a prosperous career, behind the leadership and support of his beloved mustache.

22. Scott Player

The comical one-bar helmet, handlebar mustache and dorky smile led Scott Player to become one of the best remembered punters in NFL history.

After playing at Florida State, Player played for both New York teams, the Arizona Cardinals, Cleveland Browns and New England Patriots.

He was a Pro Bowl alternate with the Cardinals in 1999 and a Pro Bowl selection in 2000.

The 'stache defined him.

21. Lanny McDonald

While the former right winger is known for playing over 1,100 games during his 16-year NHL career, scoring over 500 goals and acquiring 1,000 points, his 66 goals in the 1982-1982 season are still a Calgary Flames record.

Lanny McDonald is also known for his sportsmanship, winning the Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy in 1983 for dedication and sportsmanship.

If there was a fashion award, his bushy red mustache would've likely won that as well.

20. Chris Berman

While he is known for his colorful commentary on Monday Night Countdown, Chris Berman is also remembered for the random mustache he attempted to grow in 2010.

Perhaps he wanted to feel young again, or display his modified style.

Call it a late-life crisis.

19. Ross Grimsley

While he does look like a mustached Allen Covert, who is often seen in Adam Sandler movies, Ross Grimsley used the 'stache to his advantage.

A 20-game winner in 1978 for the Montreal Expos, the pitcher finished his 11-year career with a record of 124-99 and an ERA of 3.81.

The mustache was Grimsley's most normal feature, considering his loose grooming habits and his sporadic wearing of turquoise contact lenses, leading to the nickname "Crazy Eyes."

18. Olli Jokinen

Despite several 30-goal seasons for the Florida Panthers from the early-to-mid 2000s, Olli Jokinen's career in the NHL has been somewhat of a disappointment, considering he was the third overall pick in the 1997 draft by the Los Angeles Kings.

His list of teams has steadily increased throughout his career, as has the length of his mustache.

Like his success on the ice, Jokinen has yet to find the ideal length in his 'stache.

It's not a good sign when a player is remembered more for his facial hair than his success.

17. Curt Schilling

Before he became a six-time All-Star and a three-time World Series champion, Curt Schilling was a youthful Red Sox farmhand...until he was traded to the Baltimore Orioles.

Some 216 wins, a career ERA of 3.46 and 3,116 strikeouts can distract fans from his awkward years, but we'll never forget.

Just as the mustache began coming to fruition, it seemingly stopped growing. He clearly wasn't pleased.

16. Daniel Carcillo

As if the ability to drive a bus through the gap in his teeth wasn't enough, Chicago Blackhawks winger Daniel Carcillo improved his intimidation by sporting the iconic 'stache.

Apparently the Boston Bruins' Shawn Thornton didn't approve, as the two of them were involved in the first fight in an outdoor NHL game. Carcillo clearly didn't ask for anyone's opinion.

He's evidently always wanted to make a statement, given his league-high 324 penalty minutes during the 2007-08 regular season.

15. Ion Tiriac

This Romanian businessman may be known more for his mustache than for being a former tennis player and the current owner of the Mutua Madrilena Madrid Open.

He first garnered attention as a hockey player on the Romanian national team at the 1964 Winter Olympics, and later switched to his main sport of tennis.

The cameras were undoubtedly more infatuated with his remarkable 'stache than his athleticism.

14. Peyton Manning

It's a well-known fact that the older Manning brother is a far more prolific athlete than he is an actor, but that doesn't mean he isn't willing to try.

While we appreciate his efforts on camera, we see this shot as a warning sign: Peyton Manning should avoid mustaches at all costs.

He should also avoid getting hurt ever again, considering his Indianapolis Colts are heading towards a winless season without him.

13. Larry Bird

He may have been voted to the NBA's 50th Anniversary All-Time Team in 1996 and inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1998, but Larry Bird is one of the most awkward players in history.

His surprising lethality from anywhere on the court was complemented by a mustache that made sporadic appearances to undoubtedly confuse opponents.

Maybe this was Bird's alter ego, Barry Lird.

12. Bobby Valentine

In June 1999, after getting ejected from a game for arguing the call on Mike Piazza for batter interference, Bobby Valentine decided he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

He came out of the clubhouse moments after being booted, sporting a stellar, thick mustache and glasses. It didn't quite work.

The former New York Mets manager was fined $5,000 and suspended two games for his hilarious actions.

11. Greg Maddux

While he is one of only 10 pitchers ever to achieve both 300 wins and 3,000 strikeouts, we'd like to assume that Greg Maddux was only nicknamed "Mad Dog" and "The Professor" for the mustache he sported early in his career.

Being the first pitcher in history to win the Cy Young Award for four consecutive years (1992-95) and the only pitcher to win at least 15 games for 17 straight years, Maddux clearly doesn't need to excuse his own facial miscues.

However, he clearly understood the likely displeasure and shaved it off for the rest of his career.

Like his stellar control, Maddux could've also developed his mustache into an iconic display of dominance.

He never let it mature.

10. Frank Viola

While he was a three-time All-Star, World Series MVP with the Twins in 1987 and the AL Cy Young Award winner in 1988, Frank Viola didn't quite master the mustache, as it looked more like a fungus than proper facial hair.

Nicknamed "Sweet Music" for his unique last name and because a Minnesota sportswriter stated that there was "sweet music" in the Dome when Viola pitched, the Hall of Famer didn't seem to be auditioning for a modeling job.

However, he clearly wasn't afraid to let it all out, and for that we thank him.

9. Kris Humphries

Kim Kardashian's fairytale wedding almost self-destructed when the groom decided to express himself in a new way.

During his last moments as a free man, Kris Humphries felt it necessary to annoy his future wife, and she clearly wasn't pleased.

As a forward on the media-deprived New Jersey Nets, he'll seemingly do anything for attention.

8. Ryan Miller

In order to properly fashion an exciting mustache, one must have the heavy hair that eliminates sporadic gaps.

While Ryan Miller doesn't routinely have to worry about how he looks considering he is covered by his goalie mask, he may wanted to thicken his mustache to increase his off-ice appeal.

However, after winning the Vezina Trophy as the best goaltender in the 2009-10 NHL season, Miller can essentially do what he pleases.

7. Ben Roethlisberger

He may be known for playing better when he's injured, but Big Ben certainly doesn't play better when he's mustached.

The tree-trunk quarterback may be tough as nails, but he lacks the manliness to properly sport a mustache.

Nice try.

6. Sidney Crosby

Hopefully the No. 1 overall pick in the 2005 NHL Draft isn't nicknamed "The Next One" because of his impending placement on the list of abysmal mustaches.

This is the look of a man who knows he failed. All he can do is shake his head in disappointment.

With a reputation for being a whiner, perhaps Sidney Crosby wanted to add a manly aspect to his game.

5. Colt McCoy

The Cleveland Browns should be proud of their adventurous signal-caller, as most quarterbacks are too timid for the professional game.

It's possible that a reporter asked the former Texas Longhorn why he had a mustache.

He responded with a frozen, embarrassed stare. He knew he forgot something that morning.

4. Michael Jordan

While he is arguably the greatest basketball player of all time, Michael Jordan clearly bordered on disrespectful and inappropriate when he let this controversial mustache grow out in his Hanes commercials.

Perhaps he wanted to test the waters and see if anyone would stop him.

Either way it's unacceptable.

Come on MJ, it's a bit too soon for that.

3. Aaron Rodgers

Arguably the most prolific quarterback in the game right now, Aaron Rodgers seemingly went through an awkward phase in his development.

Watching Brett Favre inherit all the attention must've caused the former Cal signal-caller to switch it up and attempt to attract a few cameras in his direction. 

While he did end the 'stache stage of his life, with 17 touchdowns, 2,031 and a 122.5 rating this year and a Super Bowl win last year, fans wouldn't dislike any facial hair he decided to grow out.

With a ring already secured, Rodgers could undoubtedly handle a new-and-improved mustache.

2. Adam Morrison

With arguably the most iconic mustache in college basketball, Adam Morrison was seen as a sure thing and a future star in the NBA after a prolific college career at Gonzaga. 

After getting drafted third overall by the Charlotte Bobcats in 2006, his play snowballed towards mediocrity.

It seems as if the arguably biggest crybaby in college basketball couldn't handle the responsibilities that came with sporting a mustache.

He seemingly forgot to pack his razor.

1. Derek Holland

Back to the World Series for a second straight year, Texas Rangers budding star Derek Holland is undoubtedly quite excited to display his epic, yet humorous two-part mustache to the entire baseball world.

While opposing fans are likely shaking their heads at his Pedro-esque mustache from Napoleon Dynamite, his loyal followers embrace the awkward display, especially after he finished 2011 with a record of 16-5 and an ERA of 3.95.

The St. Louis Cardinals hitters will fight hard to stay focused.