WWE Addiction: 20 Ways You Know You Watch Too Much Wrestling
Listen, to be honest, if you're reading this then you probably already watch to much wrestling. I know I do. I'm a self-admitted WWE addict and you know what? I'm proud to say that.
Being a loyal fan of the WWE is hard work. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. There's four hours of weekly programming, roughly 1.1 pay-per-views a month and numerous Internet programs, websites, dirt sheets and articles.
It's nearly impossible for that amount of vested interest, time and especially passion to not seep into your everyday life.
Whether you equate certain songs to wrestling entrances, make an inside wrestling joke or catchphrase that bombs with office coworkers, or attempt a wrestling maneuver when you're scrapping with the local school yard bully or family member. We've all been there.
Without further ado, here are 20 ways to know you watch far to much wrestling.
Number 20: You Equate Certain Songs with Wrestlers
Pretty obvious and easy one to start out with.
I was at the local bar the other day sipping on a few "Diet Cokes" with a few friends when over the jukebox played, "Cult of Personality." The second the opening guitar riff struck my ears I immediately, in a embarrassingly instinctive way, turned to look for CM Punk walking through the doors.
This is how you know you watch to much wrestling.
Number 19: You Have Your Own Wrestling Persona
Whether it's through any of the numerous WWE video games, or you were one of the kids to "try it at home," you know you watch too much wrestling when you take the time to customize a look, song, entrance, finisher and personality for yourself.
The WWF (We were all 14 years old and hadn't reached our creative peak apparently)
Years as Active Wrestler
Seven (I was a little sad the day I researched, and found out that this character name was actually used. I still claim it as an original, though.)
"Lying From You" By: Linkin Park
The RKO before it was the RKO. I never watched WCW so I had no previous knowledge of the "Diamond Cutter." That makes me the inventor of this move—at least in my own world.
Basically The Miz before he jacked it from me. #HEEL
Number 18: Using Catch Phrases in the Real World
This is pretty simple and self explanatory.
Stuck in Traffic?
You say: "I swear to God! If that person slams on their brakes one more time, I'm getting out and giving the driver a Stone Cold Stunner! And that's the bottom line because I freaking said so!"
Boss Giving You a Hard Time at the Office?
You say: "I really feel like I'm on the verge of CM Punking this place".
You or Someone Nearby Lets Out Some Personal Gas?
You say: "I really smell what you're cooking." or "Can you smell what I'm cooking?"
Someone Questions Whether You're Telling the Truth or Gave Them a Right Answer?
You say: "Oh It's True! It's Damn True!"
A Coworker Emails You Wondering if You're Prepared for the Meeting?
You Say: "Woo, Woo, Woo. You know it Bro!"
Girlfriend Just broke up with you because she claims she's a new, and better person?
You say: "I don't like the new you. The new you sucks!"
So on and so forth.
Number 17: You Never Miss an Episode of Anything
I won't lie to you; I occasionally miss an episode here or there, but I try my hardest to keep up with everything going on in the world of wrestling. If you revolve your Monday and Friday nights around WWE programming, then I elect not to judge you but applaud you.
In an age where every piece of information and videos can be found on the Internet, it's an amazing accomplishment to continue to tune in each and every week.
You are the reason why the WWE has the most passionate fan base of any sport or sports team, and without you're dedication, enthusiasm and passion the WWE would struggle to survive.
Imagine if everyone watched two Raw's a month and one Smackdown a month. The WWE couldn't live off of those ratings. They rely on you for consistent ratings, and more often then not the loyal, hardcore fans continue to show up each and every week.
Number 16: You've Entered a Public Place Recreating a Wrestling Entrance
Here is a small sample size of the times I've done this.
It was final exam day, and I was feeling pretty confident. As I prepared to hype myself up for the test, I hopped around outside the doors of the building like I was Brock Lesnar. As I entered the classroom I did my best Dolph Ziggler impression. Don't pretend like you don't do this, or at least will now that I've put it out there.
I had to tie my shoe coming out of the elevator, and once I tied my shoe, I found myself channeling CM Punk by rubbing my hands around the ground and fist pumping as I got to my feet. However, I did not scream, "It's clobbering time!" for fear I might scare those around me.
Family volleyball game. When it was my time to serve, I picked up a water bottle and as I was walking to the "serve" position I spit a mist of water into the sky while throwing my hands in the air.
This is how you know you watch to much wrestling.
Number 15: You Read or Write Prefusely on Wrestling Sites
If you frequently visit, bookmark, research or write for wrestling sites, then you more then likely watch to much wrestling.
Is this a bad thing? Of course not. Some people like to search for gossip, world news, stock updates, movie reviews and some like to keep up to date with the wrestling world. To each his own.
Number 14: You Call out Other People in Public Who Are Wearing Wrestling Gear
The following is a true story:
As I left the parking lot of my local hair dresser I happened to see a son and father walking towards the toy shop near by. The son, who couldn't have been older then eight, was wearing a red John Cena shirt. I immediately, without hesitation, yelled as I was getting into my car, "CM Punk!"
The kid turned around, looked me dead in the face and proceeded to wave his hand in front of his face.
That kid made my day—while also telling me that perhaps I watch too much wrestling.
Number 13: You Refer to the Attitude Era as If It Were a Real Time Period
Here's a sample conversation of how this could potentially play out:
You: (To your good friend) I was just thinking about back in the "Attitude Era" when you, me, Frankie and Steve were tagging stop signs with "Hammer Time". Man, those were the days!
Friend: (A non-wrestling fan) What the hell is the Attitude Era?
You: Uh, only the greatest time period in professional wrestling from 1998-2002. Monday night wars? Stone Cold? The Rock?
Friend: You mean when we were all in high school?
You: Yeah, I guess that's the same time period.
Friend: You, my friend. are an idiot. Good day sir!
Number 12: You've Named a Pet After a Wrestler
Rocky, Trips, Cena, Hogan, Sharp Shooter, Sheamus, Christian, Edge, Hardy, Hart, Punk, Jericho; these are all socially acceptable names for animals.
They also signify that perhaps you watch far to much wrestling.
If you name a human being any of the above names based on the fact it was influenced by wrestling then you may need to seek additional help.
Number 11: You Own a Customized Belt
In my apartment, there is a replica WWE championship belt that proudly hangs above the staircase. Every morning before I leave for work I tap it reminding myself to "play like a champion" each day and to be the best I can.
Corny? Of Course
Ridiculous? You Betcha!
Hilarious every time a guest walks down from the bathroom and spots it? Oh Hell Yeah!
Proudly proclaims that I, may in fact, watch to much wrestling? Yup.
The same applies if you own a belt and use it as a "trophy" for winning anything.
On a more serious note: Trophies are so outdated! I feel as though professional sports, spelling bees, academy awards and presidential election winners should be rewarded with championship belts. I feel as though this is already starting to catch on.
Number 10: You've Pinned or Made a Sibling Tap out Via a Wrestling Move
My sister hates Chris Jericho. Why?
Because she was the constant victim of the Walls of Jericho.
She has roughly tapped out well more than 100 times to this submission move.
I have roughly been grounded well over 100 times because of this submission move.
Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!
Number 9: You've Produced an Entire Pay-Per-View Event with Action Figures
I'm not just talking about playing around to kill 20 minutes or so, but a full-scale production set with music, entrances, lighting, scripted back stories and backstage promos that extend to nearly a three-hour show.
Bonus points if you actually get a friend, sibling, parent or random stranger to pay and watch.
Have I done this before?
Number 8: Major Plot Twists Consume You and Are the Best Part of Your Week
Here's a sample conversation how this could potentially play out:
Friend: (Non-wrestling fan) I can't believe Melissa said she'd go with me to the dance! Can you believe that?
You: I can't believe CM Punk defeated Cena and then left with the championship! Do you think he's really leaving for good?
Friend: I'm talking about having the prettiest girl at the dance! I'm gonna be a legend! Can you say Money in the bank for my popularity! What are you talking about?
You: I'm talking about Money in the Bank too! Wait, there's a dance coming up?
Friend: You, my friend, are an idiot. Good day sir!
Number 7: You Cancel Plans Because of Big Shows
We've all been down this road, and If you say you haven't, then you're either far to cool for school or you're a liar. It's pretty cut and dry.
Now that the WWE is seemingly back on track, we've witnessed numerous episodes that are genuinely considered "must-see TV." Even though you have the DVR fired up and the show will be saved for a later, more convenient, viewing time, you still cancel plans because God forbid you see an Internet spoiler.
Here is a conversation that took place between my girlfriend and I:
Me: Hey, so I was thinking, wanna just stay in tonight and watch (nervous gulp) Raw with me instead of going to dinner and a movie?
Her: Are you serious Bro! Don't you DVR that crap anyways? What's the difference between tonight and later in the week?
Side Note: Yes! My girlfriend occasionally throws catch phrases in ever since I got her to watch wrestling. She's a keeper!
Me: Well apparently the Rock is returning tonight...so...you know.
Number 6: You Refer to Yourself as a Third Generation Watcher
If The Rock and Randy Orton had both their grandfathers and fathers wrestle for the WWE, then that makes them third generation superstars, right?
If your grandfather watched wrestling, and your father watched wrestling and you watch wrestling that makes you a third generation watcher, right?
Wrong. Your family is considered fans of wrestling. Don't try and make it something it's not. You're not part of a legacy.
Number 5: You Argue with People Half Your Age at a Live Event
A friend and I attended a live Raw in Boston earlier this year. He was wearing his vintage John Cena, red colored get up and I was rocking a Miz shirt. As embarrassing as that might be for a couple of men in their mid-20s; it only got worse—for me.
My friend befriended a 13-year-old girl wearing the exact same get up as him (a little creepy actually), and both proceeded to boo me whenever I cheered for the heels. The kid sitting next to me then asked:
"Why do you like CM Punk, and not Cena... Cena is the man!"
The conversation tanked almost immediately.
Word of advice: Don't ever enter into a conversation about anything anti-Cena with anyone under the age of 18. It's pointless, you'll give yourself a migraine and you'll come off looking like the bad guy 100 percent of the time. The same applies if you're talking to my friend as well.
Number 4: You Practice Commentary in the Shower
"Oh Shucky Ducky, Quack, Quack!"
"Oh my God! He killed him! He's broken in half!"
"Cena gets the tag! Shoulder block, shoulder block, there's the slam! This crowd is going insane. Five knuckle shuffle! Cena on the verge of hitting the attitude adjustment. Oh wait! Rock Bottom! Rock Bottom!"
If you find yourself replaying previous dialogue or making up your own matches in your head similar to singing in the shower then you probably watch to much wrestling.
This also applies to listening to "John Cena Radio" on Pandora while taking a shower. You know who you are.
Number 3: You've Sat and Watched a Scrambled Pay-Per-View
The true signs of addiction!
When I was much younger and had no job to support my habits, I use to sit at my house and watch pay-per-views while the were scrambled and listened to them like they were a radio broadcast. While I couldn't see what was going on; I had a pretty good idea through what the commentary said.
I would sit idly by and watch the blurry mess of colors imagining what was going on.
I can't be the only one who did this, right?
Whatever, I thought I was being clever!
Number 2: You Start Random Chants and Make Signs for Everything
Let's say you don't like this girl Mary at your place of work. You think she is the biggest (heel) in your office and needs to get a reality check, but others appreciate Mary and all her hard work. Mary is in prime position for the same promotion as you.
What do you do?
1. Make a sign that states "Promotion or Riot!" and hold it up every time your boss walks by.
2. Whenever someone casually says, "Way to go Mary!" you can be heard in the background responding, "Mary sucks!"
3. Stage a walk-out demanding that Mary is impossible to work with, and that your filing a vote of "no confidence" against Mary.
4. If you don't get the promotion you instantly start rambling about a conspiracy.
If you elect to do any of the above, you probably watch to much wrestling.
Number 1: You Think Other Sports and Life in General Would Be Better If Scripted
The No. 1 reason that clearly tells whether you watch to much wrestling is pretty simple.
Ever watched a blowout baseball game? Ever saw a boxing/MMA fight that lasted one round? Ever watched a Super Bowl blowout? Ever watched a game get tons of hype by mainstream media only for it to be the worst game you've ever seen? Wish players were cutting promos in between games?
Ever thought, or said out loud, "Man, that would have been so much better if it was scripted"?
If you've ever thought that sports, or life in general would be better if someone was writing a script for it...
...then you probably watch to much wrestling.