Breaking Raiders News: Al Davis' Resignation

The controversy in Oakland continues. According to RealFootball365.com's extensive network of insiders extending to the highest reaches of the Raider front office, the following was found by owner Al Davis this week, freshly printed and awaiting signature...

Dear Raider Nation,

I am writing you to officially tender my resignation from Oakland Raiders Football, Inc., effective immediately. My entire active share in the company will be given over to Pretty Boy, my sweet little budgie; who's a good birdie? Who's a good birdie?

Working for Oakland Raiders Football, Inc., taking part in the day-to-day operations of an NFL franchise, doing my best to provide quality product for you, one of the oddest—I mean, greatest—fanbases in the universe ... it's been a wonderful experience. Through my hazy memory, I can almost even just about remember a Super Bowl trophy or two.

I will always treasure the opportunities provided in possessing enough power to manipulate the very business infrastructure—not to mention roster and tradition—of one of America's seminal sports teams. Along these lines, I wish to apologize to the faithful of Oakland and environs, from whom I temporarily snatched the team in a one-sided snit with the league. I want you to know you were just as much a part of that one Super Bowl win as the couple hundred Los Angelinos who supported us for that long 12 years.

And I apologize further to the great city of Oakland and the Raider Nation for the high level of untold mediocrity visited upon by Oakland Raiders Football, Inc. "thanks" to my Steinbrenner-like interference. There is little excuse for this great franchise to have run up a cumulative record of 87-121 (an average record of less than 7-9) since returning to the city in 1995. In fact, we've lost an average of two games out of three in that span not including the four seasons Jon Gruden coached here.

That's it. That was the gist of this resignation: coaching. I will miss my friends here at Oakland Raiders Football, Inc. and appreciate the complicit agreement to media silence in overt criticizing my increasingly unthinkable machinations. The last straw in my tenure as owner was the threatening position I took with regard Lane Kiffin, a potentially darn good NFL coach.

Going so far as to consider Denny Green—whoa, flashback—showed me that I have gone figuratively and perhaps literally off the rocker. No matter how good a coach Green may be, does this still-unformed proto-roster really need its fourth head coach in four seasons and its fifth since I shipped Gruden out?

Additionally, I hereby unequivocally admit that I am close to the last person within the Raider Nation qualified to make the next coaching hire. (Seriously, Joe Bugel?) The fact that Kiffin appears to be our best top dog since the Super Bowl and I was willing to show him the door, leaving him free to take a job elsewhere, maybe making some chief (so to speak) competitor a playoff contender a couple of years from now.

Please do not hesitate to call me if you have any questions or comments; I request only that the expletives be kept to a minimum because Pretty Boy has become a bit sensitive lately. My experience with Oakland Raiders, Inc. has been very rewarding and gratifying, particularly recently for me at the expense of many others. I appreciate having had the opportunity to work for such a fine franchise. I wish you all, the organization and the team continued success.

Which is to say, success.

Humbly Yours,

Al Davis