"Hello, and welcome to Movie Phone!"
The voice I hear each and every time I am waiting to hear where the movie I'm looking for is playing. It has brought me tears of both joy and sorrow after watching the film I "Selected using my keypad." I digress. There have been great sports movies that get put up with the all time great works of film, and some that make you wish you could find the director and slap him silly
Here are the rules:
1. With sequels, there must be at least one good sequel in order to list one of the sequels under the Worst category (Meaning I can't list Bad News Bears go to Japan and The Mighty Ducks 3, that would be too easy). Otherwise, only the first remake counts.
2. No Remakes (Sorry to those of you hoping the 2001 remake of Rollerball would make my list).
3. The movie must be a sports movie, it can't have a small sports part or have sports as a backdrop, it has to have the main focus be sports related.
4. It has to be a sport, no Drumline.
5. The court of public opinion rules all. If a movie has all those things critics love like "excellent lighting" and "perfect transitions", but the movie is awful, sorry, no dice (Gene Shalit may be angry with this rule, but they're my rules).
3. Caddyshack II
Now, I love Caddyshack, but this was atrocious on every level. When they went about replacing Rodney Dangerfield with Jackie Mason, the producers should have stopped, looked themselves in the eye and said "Let's just not do this, it isn't worth the money to hurt a great movie this way." I have nothing else to say about this movie except "Nanananananaaaa."
2. Juwanna Mann
And to think, I sat through this awful excuse for cinema. I thought, "maybe, just maybe I can get a laugh out of this." I was wrong, so wrong. First, it's centered around the WNBA, a league nobody watches in the first place. Second, it has no recognizable actors, zero (if you want to say Vivica Fox, be my guest, I won't).
Miguel A. Núñez Jr. is not a leading man. Third and most importantly, the awful basketball scenes and quotes. The scenes, without CGI technology to add fans, would look like something out of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, when Will Smith plays High School Basketball (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHgaRgZCZgk). The Fresh Prince was good, this movie wasn't. Save yourself an awful experience, rent something else.
1. Rocky V
Boy, this sure was sad. Rocky was one of (if not the, keep reading) best sports movies of all time. Rockys II, III, and IV ranged from decent to outstanding, but they must've known they were pushing it going for a fifth successful film in the series.
With Pro Boxer Tommy Morrison portraying Tommy "The Machine" Gunn (Look, what a completely uncreative and over-used pun!), you knew it was going to be bad, but not this bad, no way. It is so awful, I bought the Rocky Box set and Replaced the Rocky V disc with the latest remake, Rocky Balboa (Which wasn't half-bad by the way, check it out if you ever want to watch a new sports movie that isn't god-awful).
Funny, the sequel is one of the worst movies ever. I guess that may have to do with the fact that the original was so amazing. A fantastic cast featuring Chevy Chase, Bill Murray and Rodney Dangerfield at their best. It's the film that makes people chant "Noonan" whenever they are hoping for a choke. It made people say Bill Murray in the same breath as the Dalai Lama (my favorite quote of all-time).
Between Chase's putting scene and the famous "IT'S IN THE HOLE!" line. It was my introduction to R-Rated comedy and will be remembered forever in the voice of Rodney Dangerfield, the line that gave us all hope "Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!"
If you want a sports comedy, its one of the best. If you want great baseball scenes, same thing. If you want quotes, they have it. It has the famed relationships of Annie and Nuke, Annie and Crash and of course Jimmy and Millie.
It taught us never to "hit a drunk with your pitching hand" or that baseball is "a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains."
A story about the worst-to-first Durham Bulls, a AAA Minor League team. Great acting by Kevin Costner, Susan Sarandon, and Tim Robbins. The baseball scenes are fantastic and the mound visit conversation between Costner and Robert Wuhl is hysterical. A must see for any sports fan, or movie fan in general.
The best. It won Best Picture and Best Director. It was Stalone's best Performance. It had the best action scene in a sports movie. Rocky is a classic. When you think best Movies of all time, Rocky is top 50. Out of all movies, not just sports.
The underdog story of Rocky Balboa, a down and out fighter living in Philadelphia. He gets his chance to fight Heavyweight champion Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers). This movie has such great quotes as "Yo Adrian, I did it!" and "You're gonna eat lightning and you're gonna crap thunder!" Rocky is truly an all-time great.
Best- Hoosiers, Raging Bull, Slap Shot, The Natural, Field of Dreams, The Hustler
Worst- Air Bud, The Fan, Any Given Sunday, The Babe