When Lawrence Tynes made the field goal in OT at Lambeau Field to send New York to the Super Bowl, I turned to my boy Swaney and said, “Well, I ain’t watchin’ that Super Bowl.”
Never mind the fact that I’m unbelievably tired of the whole Boston-New York feud. It’s not even about that.
It really comes down to the two quarterbacks. Let’s start with Tom Brady.
First of all, he’s a Michigan grad, and I’m a Buckeye, so you obviously know I have to root against him. Plus, I’ve taken way more of him than I should have ever been asked to take.
I know, I know. He’s a great player. But frankly, I’m sick of hearing his name. I’m sick of watching him stand back in the pocket for five minutes until he finds an open receiver. I’m tired of his dumb northern Midwestern accent. And I’m at my limit with his queer typical-white-guy celebrations when he throws touchdown passes.
In short, get the %#*& outta my face, Tom Brady.
Now, since I can’t root for Brady, then I guess I have to root for the other team right? Uhh, WRONG.
If you think I’m gonna sit there and hope ELI MANNING does well, then you might want to put down your favorite crack-pipe.
Watching Eli Manning’s on-field antics is, in my estimation, the equivalent to being tied down and forced to watch Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold’s wedding sex tape.
I mean, can this guy whine and bitch and moan any more than he does? Can he throw any more temper tantrums when his receivers drop his passes? What is he, a $#@*&% six-year old kid??
I just will not sit there and look at his dumb face. I will not! Nobody can make me do it!
Of course, the quarterbacks have the ball a lot and will be on camera the most. Consequently, I refuse to look at either of these clowns.
Finally, my last reason for not watching? The game is on FOX. If I have to hear Joe Buck’s voice one more time, I literally might just have to jam a pair of scissors into both of my ears until I go deaf.
Hey uh, FOX: What is your inexplicable obsession with this guy? I mean, he does EVERY game. Get over Joe Buck already. There are plenty of other announcers available who actually don’t make us all want to jump off bridges. Go get one of 'em, please.
So, if you choose to watch this Super Bowl, that’s your problem. I myself have more important things to do—like my taxes, watching Canadian soap operas, and swimming naked in raw sewage.
10 comments Last one added about 1 year ago — Leave a Comment
Anonymous about 1 year ago
What an idiot - Eli Manning does not jump on his receivers ... hey idiot, the main knock on Manning is that he shows so little emotion.
San Diego fan, right???
Moron.
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Anonymous about 1 year ago
Uh actually yeah he throws up his hands and almost cries.
Fuckin pussy, right???
Pussy.
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Patrick Houston about 1 year ago
was this suppose to be funny?if you are serious about being a sportswriter then you have to drop all the expletives and the biasness. if you're not going to watch the super bow then don't watch it but we really don't care.not trying to be a pest or anything but your job isn't to throw your personal feelings into a article.
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Gerald Granderson about 1 year ago
Geral Granderson approves of this article!
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Keith Sevek about 1 year ago
You will not be missed. I will watch and so will my family.
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Corey Tackmann about 1 year ago
I'm watching the game, but I'm with Gerald.
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Dylan Levinson about 1 year ago
i'll watch the game
great article
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Jeff Allen about 1 year ago
Let's not forget on those rare occasions that Brady scrambles for yardage - his incessant crying, yelling, and whining whenever a defender even THINKS about touching him one millisecond after he slides (which is usually when the nearest defender gets within 9 yards of him). He's a great QB, but he's also a HUGE PUSSY when it comes to physical contact. I'm convinced that he didn't impregnate that Moynihan chick, because he cries and whines whenever a defender lays a fingertip on him. Imagine how he'd react to another human being getting anywhere near his junk.
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Noah Creech Poop about 1 year ago
Patrick, Keith, Andrew, Corey, and all you bitchmade PUSSIES that are whining:
First off, the tampon store called and said to give them a little heads-up next time you're all gonna show up and buy out their entire inventory - they said it was the ninth time you've done such a thing, and it's very inconsiderate of you.
Second of all, YES Eli Manning is a fagass bitchy CUNT! Did you not read the article? It says so right there. Therefore, it's true.
Third of all, your parents all called and said they're ashamed for conceiving such whiny little pricky douchebag crybabies and they don't love you anymore.
In summary, you're all bitches and you need to grow a pair of nuts and stop having sex with each other and try gettin' some vag for once. You're all embarrassments to the male gender.
P.S. EAT SHIT.
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Tori Willis about 1 year ago
I'm going! did I tell you that already? I am waking up in a couple hours and heading to Glendale :)
but anyway, I was about to boycott the super bowl until the niners came in (pausing here so you can laugh) anyway, everything worked out thankfully so I AM going :) but yea, that was my dire alternative. If you want to know more, read the article I just posted up (without really proofreading, oh well it's late)
and are you still boycotting duke? it's going to be a mean bloody game on wednesday vs. the tarheels. I don't know about you, but I feel any sports fan in their right mind would at least tune in to the last 10 minutes of it. if you don't, that's cool and I respect that. : )
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