IMPACT Wrestling Review 6/16: Party, New X Division Talent, KO Returns, Brawl!

Charlie GSenior Writer IJune 17, 2011

Why do people hate TNA [can we all call it by its name? IMPACT Wrestling] when they don't even watch it? IMPACT Wrestling is must-watch TV!

I actually considered ending this weekly IMPACT Review bit that I do here on Bleacher Report. The one thing that pulled me back to it is IMPACT Wrestling! It was a phenomenally awesome show last night, and I loved every second of it!

The show starts with Slammiversary results and clips. Slammiversary—another awesome show that wrestling fans should consider watching.

IMPACT starts with Mr. Anderson coming to the ring as the new IMPACT Heavyweight Champion.

Anderson says he's throwing himself a party. In the ring there is a pinball machine, mini basketball hoops and a table with food on it. Anderson invited everyone in the back but nobody came. He says he doesn't need anybody!

Gunner comes to the ring.

Anderson says he didn't invite Gunner but welcomes him to his party. 

Gunner recalls Anderson needing him to injure Sting last week before the big match at Slammiversary. Gunner delivered and now he wants some sort of reward.

Hmm...what should it be? A bowl of chips? No. A game of pinball? No. Gunner wants a world title shot!

Anderson says that he's kind of thirsty and grabs a beer. The crowd chants, "We want beer!" Got to love the IMPACT crowd...

Anderson throws the beer in Gunner's face and the glass cuts Gunner on the bridge of his nose and eyebrow. Anderson turns to walk away but Gunner pulls him back and slams Anderson through his snack table!

What a way to start the night.


Match 1: Hernandez vs. Devon

Devon's wife and kids are in the IMPACT audience to watch the show.

Before the opening bell, Sarita distracts Devon, allowing Hernandez to get the early advantage. The advantage does nothing as Devon bounces off the ropes and hits Hernandez with a big shoulder block.

Hernandez throws Devon into the corner and goes for a splash, but Devon moves and hits a big clothesline for two.

Devon argues it was a three, then turns around and Hernandez sends him into the corner again.

Hernandez measures Devon and....Devon hits Hernandez with a huge spear out of the corner!

Then The Pope comes to the ring? The Pope says hello to Devon's family and pulls up a chair. Devon is confused by this and Hernandez goes for a roll up but only gets a two.

Devon hits Hernandez with a Lou Thesz press and rains down punches. The rest of Mexican America attack Devon.

Winner: By DQ, Devon

Pope is still sitting by and is eating. Devon's kids urge Pope to get in the ring. He throws down his food, his hat and jacket and makes the save. Devon's kids are Pope fans, Devon is not judging on his reaction to Pope saving him.

Anderson is backstage in Bischoff's office. He wants Bischoff to do something about "his dog" Gunner. Bischoff offers Anderson the chance for him to handle his problems. Bischoff makes Anderson vs. Gunner for tonight.

Kurt Angle comes to the ring to address the Jarretts, his match at Slammiversary and the fans.

Blah, blah, blah. The usual Angle talk. He put his medal on the line for determination. Angle lets all the IMPACT fans know that he is trying out for the 2012 Olympic wrestling team. Kurt gets a good, well deserved pop for that. Hope Kurt makes it and wins. 

Jeff Jarrett comes out and wants one more fight with Angle. Angle reminds Jarrett about the final match at Slammiversary. Jarrett says that if Angle beats him he'll move to Mexico—anything!

What was that last one? Mexico, eh? Angle tells Jarrett to get some legal documentation and he'll see his p**sy ass in the parking lot. Angle vs. Jarrett in a parking lot brawl later.

If Jeff loses he moves to Mexico without Kurt's kids and Jeff accepts.

The awesome new Bound For Glory Series starts tonight. More on rules and stipulations in a bit.

Eric Young finds Matt Morgan backstage. EY offers Morgan a TV title shot since they are/were both TV stars. Morgan doesn't know what EY is talking about. Morgan declines EY's match because he is preparing for the BFG series.

Morgan tells EY to find another TV star who is backstage tonight.

Destination X News! There will be a 12-Man tournament and the winner will receive an IMPACT wrestling contract!

The tournament starts tonight and will continue every week until Destination X, July 10! Every week will have a three-way match.

Who says the X Division is dead?

The first man is....Kid Kash! He made an appearance at HardCORE Justice last August. It is good to see him again.

Next out is....former Rock N' Rave member, Jimmy Rave! He brought his toy guitar with him. It's been ages since we've seen him last.

The final man in the match is....former ROH World Champion, Austin F*N Aries


Match 2, Destination X Qualifier: Kid Kash vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Austin Aries

 Aries puts up a hand to grapple with Kash. He pulls his hand down and offers to Rave. He repeats again until Rave and Kash kick Aries and toss him out of the ring.

Kash and Rave exchange quick arm drags and pin falls.

Rave and Kash lock holds and Kash is up against the ropes. Aries grabs Kash and pulls him out of the ring. Aries grabs Rave and snaps his neck against the ropes.

Aries slingshots off the ropes then drops a big elbow on Rave for a one count. Kash pulls Aries out of the ring then attempts a springboard drop kick on Rave. Rave jumps up and reverses it into a big mid-air spear! Rave for the cover and two.

Rave sets up for his finisher but Aries comes in and hits Rave with a knee breaker/side walk slam combo followed by a spinning elbow drop. Pin for a two. 

Aries sets Rave up in a DDT but Kash comes charging at Aries. Aries ducks and sends Kash over the top rope. Aries throws Rave threw the ropes then hits both, Kash and Rave, with a suicide dive.

Aries looks around the IMPACT Zone which has erupted into chants of "Austin Aries!" Aries smiles and rolls Kash into the ring. He goes to the top rope but climbs down because Rave is right behind him.

Aries and Rave run at each other and Rave slams Aries down hard on the ring apron. Rave and Aries start to brawl on the outside and Kid Kash goes to the top rope and hits them both with a Jeff Hardy style, Whisper in the Wind.

Kash rolls Aries into the ring and they trade some forearm shots. Aries grabs Kash in a suplex but Kash reverses it into his own suplex. Rave stops the pin at two.

Rave hits Kash with his finisher after a series of reversals and goes for a pin. Aries punts Rave in the head to stop the pin.

Rave falls into the turnbuckle and Aries connects with a perfect running drop kick right to the head. Aries follows up with a Brain Buster for the three.

Aries advances to Destination X while Rave and Kash are out. Great match. The crowd loved it and they loved Aries.

Winner: Austin Aries.


Backstage, Velvet and Ms. Tessmacher are walking. They have a Knockouts Tag Team title match and they grab each other by the ass and walk off. Seriously....The two hottest IMPACT Knockouts...


Match 3, Knockouts Tag Team Title Match: Velvet & Tessmacher vs. Sarita & Rosita

Velvet and Tessmacher had a a good showing against the champions and almost won too. They had Sarita and Rosita beat.

Tessmacher and Velvet set up for a double suplex on Rosita while Sarita was knocked outside of the ring. Velvet saw ODB in the crowd and stopped the suplex.

Tessmacher went to pull Velvet back into the match but Sarita and Rosita double teamed her for the win.

Winners: Still champions, Sarita and Rosita


After the match Jacqueline Moore attacked Velvet Sky from behind. Jackie, you know, she was with Beer Money a while back? ODB and Jackie attacked Velvet until security separated them.

Jeff Jarrett is signing some papers in Hogan's office saying, "TNA ain't big enough for the both of us [him and Kurt Angle]." Hogan likes it and hopes Jarrett wins.

Jarrett leaves but Sting enters.

Hogan tells Sting he's going to respect his contract and give him his world title rematch on July 14, the first IMPACT after Destination X. Sting accepts and asks if the real Hogan is back. Hogan says this is the real Hulk Hogan.

Sting talks about past times in WCW and who the real Hulk Hogan is. He asks Hulk if this is the legacy he wants to leave behind. Sting flips out and starts screaming at Hogan. Sting has gone crazy. He throws Hogan into his chair and starts covering his face with red paint.

Backstage, ODB and Jackie are yelling at the cameras about coming back when suddenly Velvet attacks out of nowhere. But the numbers game gets the best of her and ODB and Jackie beat her down again.

Austin Aries is being interviewed backstage about why he's back and "wrestling matters." Eric Young shows up.

EY starts getting ready for a match—not against Aries in the locker room, but the guy interviewing Aries.

EY challenges him to a match and the guy and Aries are confused. The guy tries to reason with Eric but EY super kicks him into the lockers and asks Aries to count the pin.

Aries counts the three and EY celebrates. Hilarious backstage segment.


Match 4, BFG Series: Samoa Joe vs. Rob Van Dam

The BFG Series is simple yet complicated all at the same time. I can try to explain most of it on the bottom.

The match starts off as a brawl with Joe getting the best of it.

This was a great match. Samoa Joe looked strong throughout the entire match.

Joe went for a Muscle Buster which RVD kept blocking so Joe climbed the rope but RVD pushed him off and hit the Five Star Frog Splash.

Winner : RVD


Really good match between them but I want to learn more about the Bound For Glory Series.

Here's what I got out of it:

Competitors: RVD, Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Pope, Devon, Crimson, Bobby Roode, James Storm, Bully Ray, Scott Steiner and Gunner.

There is a point accumulation based solely on how someone picks up a win. Not every match awards points, only matches against other competitors will gain points.

I'm not sure of all of the rules so if someone finds out, please comment.

If someone loses by DQ it's minus-10 from their total. A submission win is worth 10 points and a pin fall is worth seven points. A draw is two points. There are a few other options but I'm unsure of them. 


(Non-title) Match 5: Gunner vs. IMPACT Heavyweight Champion, Mr. Anderson 

Gunner is all bandaged up from the beer glass hitting him earlier in the night. According to his Twitter account, he said, "10 stitches in the brow after the pitcher of beer smashed my face!! Gashed my nose open also....I got my revenge as u can all see!"

Gunner beats on Anderson in the corner and on the ground early on. Anderson had to catch his breath outside the ring and when he got in, he dropped Gunner with a swinging neck breaker.

Anderson beats Gunner down for a while. Anderson targets Gunner's face.

Anderson powers Gunner down, then attempts a Swanton Bomb-style flip off the ropes but misses. Gunner drops Anderson with a clothesline for two. Gunner drops Anderson again with a clothesline for another two.

Gunner works Anderson over in the corner then drops him with a suplex for two.

Anderson fights back and rolls through with a Fireman's Carry (his old finisher back in WWE). Anderson mounts Gunner and beats him down.

Anderson calls for his mic drop. The mic comes down and Anderson says he is still the World Champion even though this isn't a title match—then yells his name but Gunner springs up and lifts Anderson on his shoulders!

Gunner hits his finisher! One, two, three! Gunner defeated the World Champion, Mr. Anderson! This is the second week in a row that Gunner got a clean pin over the World Champion! That is how you build a star without a briefcase! Take note WWE, you may learn something!

Bischoff comes out applauding Gunner. Gunner has a bright future ahead of him.

Winner: Gunner


Next week the BFG Series continues with Bully Ray vs. Scott Steiner. Steiner makes fat jokes about Ray but Bully Ray is not messing around. He'll beat Steiner next week then go undefeated for the entire BFG Series and become the new World Champion. 


Parking Lot Brawl: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle

The cameraman follows Double J into the parking lot. Surprisingly, every guy on the IMPACT roster is there. There are cars in a circle with their lights on, and the wrestlers are chanting. 

IMPACT cranked the realism meter to a whole different level.

Angle grabs Jarrett in a headlock and Jarrett is flailing his arms all around. Angle takes him to the concrete and starts raining down punches. Damn, this thing looks real!

Angle starts to choke Jarrett out but Jarrett bites Angle's hand.

Angle continues to rain down punches. Now I think it is real. Angle grabs Jarrett in an arm bar but Jeff luckily breaks out.

Now Jeff mounts Angle and we see Jeff is bleeding a little and he cannot hit Angle! Angle is too good! Kurt kicks Jarrett off then locks Jeff in with a body scissor and keeps kicking his ass! This is a must-watch video!

Kurt starts to choke out Jarrett but gets up. Jarrett stands up and charges at Angle but Kurt lifts Jarrett up and slams him hard on the concrete. Kurt tries to slam Jarrett into the surrounding cars but Jarrett reverses.

Jeff slams Kurt into a car and tries to walk away but Bully Ray pushes him back towards Angle. Jeff throws Kurt into a van than hits The Stroke. Jeff thinks he won and grabs his legal papers and starts to walk off.

Kurt gets up and calls Jeff back. Jarrett turns around and runs at Kurt but Angle spine busters Jarrett and continues with the beating.

Kurt takes his shirt off and chokes Jarrett out with it. Kurt stops and walks away while other wrestlers say that Jarrett said something. Bully Ray denies it and tries to help Jarrett up. Pope is saying Jarrett said something and the camera zooms in on Jarrett who says, "Adios."


It was an awesome show!

The X Division guys were great and Tenay said that next week there's going to be three brand new X Division guys trying to earn their spots at Destination X.

Pope and Devon may start an alliance. I like what they are doing and how both of them are getting more TV time, especially with them both in the Bound For Glory Series.

Aries was great in his IMPACT match and I hope Austin Aries wins the contract at Destination X. I know it's too early to call since there are still nine other guys in the contest, but Aries is on the top of my list....that is, unless Petey Williams shows up.

Jackie's return was a surprise. Her and ODB are looking to land contracts at Velvet's expense.

The Joe/RVD match was great and sorry I couldn't give more info on it. I just want to find the rules to the BFG Series.

Gunner beat another World Champion! Gunner and Crimson are IMPACT's two top young stars. They are going to become main event talents for years to come. Gunner is one of my favorites right now and I'm loving the push he's getting.

The Parking Lot Brawl was so realistic. The whole thing with Jarrett moving to Mexico was not needed but it's a good way of writing him off. The brawl was great and SURPRISE, here's the video of it. Thanks for reading, enjoy the video and see you next time.

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett, Epic Parking Lot Brawl


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