College Football: Big 12 Teams As Asian Countries

Eric JacksonCorrespondent IOctober 22, 2008

After discovering and posting "SEC Teams as Middle-Eastern Countries" and writing "Big-10 Teams as European Countries," a multitude of requests for yet another comparison flowed into my inbox. The most frequent request was for "Pac-10 Teams as Asian Countries." For months I've agonized over which school best fit what country.

Since that time, I've come to a quick conclusion. Nobody really cares about the Pac-10. Oh, except the Pac-10...sorry. Every year USC gets the rap that they shouldn't be ranked as high as they are because the Pac-10 is weaker than rainwater. I concur. It's like Chuck Liddell taking all comers in a kindergarten classroom.

So, what's the hottest conference in the land? The Big 12 of course! And like Asia, there is much turmoil, strife and ancient grudges. What better match could there be?


Baylor: Bangladesh

A football wasteland. Poor and no hope for the future...always waiting for the next disaster. 

Colorado: Nepal

Ahhh, Nepal. Fifty square miles surrounded by reality. Full of tree-huggers and granola types. Everyone likes to talk about Nepal, but the place really doesn't matter when it comes down to it.

Iowa State: Burma

Burma, home of the Cyclones...or Tsunamis...or whatever. Another wasteland.

Kansas: North Korea

For years they were considered the bottom end of the continent. Severely disliked by nearly everyone because of their attitude, yet no one really respects them when it comes right down to it. Their leader is feared; he just looks like he could eat your baby, and that freaks people out and earns him undue respect.

Kansas State: Cambodia

A once great nation that is mentioned every now and then in hushed tones. Today everyone just shakes their heads and stares at the ground seeming to say, "Oh, the humanity!"

Missouri: South Korea

A rising power, Korea is known for their high output and lack of defensive ability. While showing much promise, there is still something fundamentally unsound South Korea.


Nebraska: Japan

Formerly a militaristic nation bent on the submission and destruction of surrounding lands, Japan was convinced of its total superiority. Today, still a homogenized society, Japan has grown enamored with the ways of the West, and change is inevitable. Now suffering from a decade-long recession, Japan has taken a backseat to China and India in the eyes of the world. Seems as though they have been adrift since their much revered leader moved on.


Oklahoma: China

Despised by most of Asia and the world, they have a long history of sadistic and despotic rulers. China has risen to great power at several times throughout history. Now, rising again, they seemingly fail and look completely inept at the most unexpected times. Given to cheating, trickery, and outright theft. Massive infrastructure projects are underway in preparation for world domination. Everyone is scared of what they might do next, but that day never seems to come.


Oklahoma State: Taiwan

The small next-door neighbor of the China, Taiwan could be crushed by the Red Chinese in mere minutes.

Texas: India

A vast, hot, and overcrowded land. Their multitudes revere cows and are difficult to take seriously because of their funny accents when they speak English. Everyone will have to speak to one of their citizens eventually because their advances in technology have seemingly made them universal. Indians have a severe dislike for Pakistanis. The feeling is mutual.

Texas A&M: Pakistan

The rest of the world doesn't really know where this place is, but they assume it can't be good if it ends in "-stan." At constant odds with India, yet weak and insubstantial. Its leaders have difficulty not being assassinated because of stupid mistakes and misplaced allegiances. 

Texas Tech: Thailand

A hot, murky and strange land that does things in a slightly different manner. Bring protection if you're staying overnight.