Southeastern Conference football is often regarded as one of the most competitive, and rivalry-rich, conferences in America.
As a Tennessee alumnus who has watched every team on this list play at least once, I can tell you that there are few things quite like the passion displayed in SEC rivalries.
If you don't know that much about the teams in the SEC, but you're a history buff like I am, this rundown of SEC teams as Middle Eastern countries may help you better understand the SEC...
(note: my apologies for not making it known up front that this is one of those forwarded-multiple-times jokes I received via email. For the life of me I've been unable to find who originally wrote it. I had it in my first draft of this post to state that...and deleted it in my giddy rush to publish it. Nonetheless, it's sheer brilliance...certainly not from my head)
ALABAMA: Saudi Arabia
Once a proud kingdom, torn up by fighting and surrounded by Iran and Iraq (see below), with an a$$hole in Al-Qaeda hell bent on bringing them down.
LSU: Iran
Current superpower in the region but it will all come crashing down because they have a highly functioning retard as a leader.
TENNESSEE: Iraq
Got a bunch of history but the country as a whole is going in the tank and they will kill themselves off before it's all over.
FLORIDA: Syria
Evil douchebags who will stoop to whatever level they need to win. No real history to speak of but thinks they are the cradle of civilization.
GEORGIA: Kuwait
Tons of riches and unrealized potential, but still vulnerable to Iraq.
AUBURN: Al Qaeda
No country, just a movement of disgruntled fanatics who live to blow up those who are more fortunate. No other goal in life than to bring down the House of Saudi Arabia. Terrorizing the Arabians for six years is the crowning achievement in their history. Signing day was a major setback to the movement. They'll be looking for a new leader soon.
ARKANSAS: Palestinian territories
No one really cares or worries about them unless they can be of some use (i.e. winning a battle once in a while against Iran that causes a bit of shake up in rankings)
MISSISSIPPI STATE: Qatar
Where the hell is Qatar?
OLE MISS: Afghanistan
Not much going for it, but hot women.
VANDERBILT: Israel
Just leave them alone for God's sake. What did they ever do to you?
KENTUCKY: Morocco
Not really part of the Middle East. Has other things to do than fight (or play football)
SOUTH CAROLINA: Libya
Has a charismatic leader in a land of nothingness. Will rattle his word but knows he doesn't have a whole hell of a lot to back it up with.
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6 months ago
Agreed, very enjoyable.
6 months ago
Who cares if its plagiarized, its fricking hilarious. The "no other goal.." line was about as true a statement as Ive heard in a long time.
6 months ago
brilliant
6 months ago
Good stuff. I keep trying to picture a hot Afghani woman but it's just not working out.
And to a non-SEC fan, just take a look at the description for Florida. Does anything stand out when compared to every other team's?
Florida fans know that they're especially hated and aren't considered a "True SEC" school. They also revel in it. Even funnier is that the "Evil" portion originated with Spurrier who, now that he can't really win anything at SC, has been deemed a "Charismatic leader." You guys can do the math on that one.
I'm off to learn the Syrian fight song.
from 6 months ago
It's all about the gold chains and "jorts" (jean shorts) at Florida.
from 6 months ago
BTW, my girlfriend went to Ole Miss. Don't know about Afghani women, but I can vouch for Ole Miss.
from 6 months ago
Now I want to go to Syria just to see if every other person is wearing jorts.
6 months ago
Oh yes, the jean shorts thing. I remember when that was funny. I think Spurrier was still the coach. The new one is that Gator fans wear hair gel.
6 months ago
I thought Crocs were the new Jorts?
Either way, it's time for the United States of America to move on.
6 months ago
Great article. No statements have ever been more true than those written above!! Loved it!!
6 months ago
http://www.ericjackson.org/2008/03/29/photo-of-the-day/
6 months ago
I disagree:
South Carolina: Jordan
An oasis of reason surrounded by hordes of suicidal hysterical malcontents.
6 months ago
I like Libya better for South Carolina: It's been 25 years since anyone knew they existed and only aligns itself with the Middle East when it's necessary to appear relevant. Turkey might be better for Ole Miss. Totally irrelevant, still considered part of the Middle East...and fine with whatever gets cooked up as long as no one keeps them from drinking odd concoctions in public during the day.
6 months ago
It's true, SEC football players can't really read or write like most middle east inhabitants and they have a difficult time staying out of prison as well.
6 months ago
LMAO!
6 months ago
That's hilarious! I almost laughed as hard at that as I laugh when the SEC is kicking the #%@ out of Ohio State at (___insert sport here___) in the national championship game.
6 months ago
Can MSU get a LITTLE more credit than "Where's Qatar?" What about the former Saudi Prince, shunned by his own, who has brought devastation to the Saudi Kingdom the last two years--de-throning King Shula and slapping around the new, much heralded, King Saban? Also, Qatar dealt a harsh blow to the leader of Al Qaeda last year.
6 months ago
The rejected former Saudi Prince will not be able to sneak up on its former kingdom any longer. I predict Al Qaeda and Saudi Arabia have the date of their imminent battles with pesky Qatar circled on the calendars. They now know where Qatar is and want it destroyed.
6 months ago
Starkville. I spent a week there one day.
6 months ago
You forgot to mention that most of America is tired of hearing about both the Middle East and the SEC. While there may have been successes in both in recent years, these successes are only temporary. SEC teams have had a "Surge" lately that has been effective for the time being, but everyone knows it will only be temporary.
Just like the Middle East you don't know if it will be an enemy that has made repeated attempts lately with only limited success, (Al Qaeda / Ohio State) a constant threat that never really seems to materialize in the end, (Iran / USC) a weakened foe that may someday pose a threat again (Russia / Notre Dame) or a new threat (China / either various Big 12 and Big East teams).
All you know is that someday soon the place will come crumbling down. After all citizens of one rival country can only support their rivals for so long and fans of college football teams can only support there conference rivals for so long before they realize that they actually despise each other. That is the way rivalries work.
That being said, I love the concept (but not the slant) you are doing here and with the Big 10 article. I look forward to seeing your take on other conferences.
6 months ago
This is fantastic!! I've never visited the middle east, but i can picture it being just as f-ing crazy as any SEC night game.
BTW... 170 days til jean shorts and prom dresses cross paths in Jacksonville!
6 months ago
For the record, Al Qaeda isn't really a country...more of a terrorist organization.
Then again, that is the best description I can think of for Auburn.
Very funny....enjoyed the article!
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