Everybody knows what it's like to be frustrated by losing at a video game. You feel like an idiot for caring, but you just can't help it.
Let's face it: Losing at video games is much more frustrating than losing in real sports. When you lose in a video game, it's a completely negative experience.
At least when you lose in a real sport you feel like you accomplished a little bit of something, not just tapping some buttons.
So anyways, here are the 10 most frustrating ways to lose at Madden, the most popular sports video game in America.
10. The Mismatch
Don't you hate that sinking feeling when you know you're going to lose before the game even begins? This is like every time two players go to the team select screen and one chooses the Colts or Patriots in Madden.
Seriously dude? You're gonna be the best team?
Then he goes out and demolishes you with the superiority of his players. The most frustrating aspect of this loss is that you feel as if skill has been eliminated from the equation. Where's the fun if the game is inherently slanted in one team's favor?
9. The Unstoppable Player
In Madden 2007, Vick is not only one of the fastest players in the game, he is also one of the best quarterbacks. When using Vick, all one really has to do is to call a Hail Mary and let Vick work his magic.
If the player chooses to run with Vick, he can usually get 15 to 20 yards and a first down. If he decides to throw the ball, Vick can fire a 70-yard bomb right on the money for a touchdown.
Even more frustrating is Vick's bizarre ability to sprint full speed away from the offensive line and then turn and fire the ball 70 yards directly to the wide receiver. This seems to be physically impossible.
My friends and I decided that being the Falcons was not allowed because of this ridiculousness. Simply put, if you face on of these monsters, you cannot win.
8. The Unexplainable Crappiness of your Team
Let me tell you a story. One time, I was the Vikings, and I was playing my friend who was the New England Patriots.
I was beating him and then Mewelde Moore happened.
Let's just say that Mewelde managed to fumble consecutive kickoffs (this was before the hit stick), and both resulted in touchdowns. I ended up losing by one touchdown.
Sometimes in Madden, your team is just inexplicably crappy and there's nothing you can do about it. This is incredibly annoying.
7. The Glitchy Loss
Everybody has gone through the experience where on a key play, something that is just not allowed by the laws of physics happens.
For example, on a Hail Mary, the ball goes through the body of a defensive player and is caught by a wide receiver. One time, I broke a big run with Vince Young and went to dive into the end zone. He was literally untouched, but, yet he fumbled the ball as he was going into the end zone. It went out and went to the other team as a touchback.
Needless to say, I was pissed.
6. The Unstoppable Play
This is the play that your opponent calls every time, but works every time. You try everything, 3-4, 4-3, dime, and nickel; but you cannot stop it. He keeps running it at you and scores at will.
Eventually, late in the game, you figure it out and get a stop.
Once you do this, he invariably switches it up and finds yet another unstoppable play. You don't have enough time to figure this one out and you end up losing.
5. The External Circumstance Loss
This is when something in the real world screws you up. For example, somebody walks in front of the screen on a key fourth down or your phone rings in the middle of a play. You can't go back and do it over, so you basically get screwed.
4. The Screwing Around Mistake
In the first half of many games, people will assume that the game is just for fun. They will go for it on fourth down and go for two, willy nilly. All the while, your opponent is kicking field goals and extra points, punting, and generally doing things the right way.
The game remains close, and becomes more hotly contested. Both competitors will begin to talk trash and get more serious about the game. Eventually, your screwing around in the first half will come back to bite you in the ass. This is because the game doesn't like to be screwed with.
They like you to act like a real NFL coach, and if you don't, you pay the price.
3. The Karmic Payback
This is closely related to the screwing around mistake. This can be triggered by any number of things, like showboating on a long pass play, hit-sticking the QB after the play, or going for two when it is not necessary.
In these three scenarios, respectively, you will always at least once: 1) get stopped on the one-yard line and be unable to score a crucial touchdown, 2) get called for roughing the passer on a key third or fourth-down play, or 3) end up losing by one point after a huge comeback by your opponent.
Once again, the game doesn't like it when you play the game the wrong way and will eventually punish you.
2. The Good Half-Bad Half
This sounds like every other Madden game I ever played. In the first half, you dominate, stopping your opponent repeatedly and scoring with ease.
You get cocky and start saying that you can beat the opponent by 40 or even rooting for them to "make it more interesting."
In the second half, everything that you did in the first half doesn't work. Your opponent comes back and beats you.
You're doubly humiliated by the fact that you choked and the fact that you were talking smack the whole way.
1. The Novice Trap
I call this a trap because you can't possibly win. You face off against someone who really doesn't know how to play or isn't very good. Before the game, there is always somebody who talks you up: saying that you play Madden non-stop and you're the best player that they know.
Then, for some reason you lose. Now you look like a jackass because everybody thought you were really good.
The worst part, however, is that the person you just lost to doesn't even care. They don't even like Madden that much and they'll say something to you like "Good game."
You just ripped out my soul and humiliated me in front of a group of people and that's all you can say? It almost would be better if they went crazy and danced a jig in front of you. Then at least you could challenge them to a rematch without feeling like a jerk or looking like a poor sport.
No, you will never play them again and will be forever saddled with the knowledge that you lost and will be viewed as some sort of Madden paper champion. This is the worst form of losing in Madden.