My Team Stinks! Guide To Survive The Rest Of The NFL Season

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My Team Stinks! Guide To Survive The Rest Of The NFL Season

This is dedicated to those who have to suffer being a fan of one of the worst eight teams that are all but removed from contention by now, after week 4. Fans of each individual team need their own ways to cope, and here they are:

Detroit Lions: Rejoice in the Matt Millen firing(now available as a halloween costume)!

Also available: the Matt Millen drinking game, drink up every time you hear the announcers say his name this week!

Other ideas: see if you can run the table in reverse, cheer Jon Kitna's achievement of being the worst QB to throw for 30,000 yards, wait for the Pistons to start playing.

St Louis Rams: Petition the team for a public tryout-maybe they can find someone who can tackle. Cheer for the team to make history as the only winless team ever, only to be joined by the Lions.

Next Week only: the Scott Linehan Drinking game! 

Oakland Raiders: Send your resume to Al Davis after he fires Tom Cable week eight. Watch Darren McFadden get his. Hope Jamarcus Russel turns into Donovan McNabb.

Draft a class-action suit against Al Davis for ruining your team. Protest Al Davis by wearing your Raider Nation outfits constantly.

Cleveland Browns: Call for Brady Quinn every game. Realize that no former Belicheck assistant coach has succeeded in a new environment (See Weis, Charlie, and Mangini, Eric). Watch Ohio State, wait for Lebron.

Cincinnati Bengals: Hire Chad Johnson for your kids birthday party after he gets hurt/holds out/protests his team's performance.

Blame Carson Palmer for Ohio State's loss to USC. Canvas local bars looking for Bengals breaking the law, then make money selling videos/photos of it.

New: Take a boat trip with Cedric Benson!

Kansas City Chiefs: Know that your young players will be better next year. Be happy that you'll get a high draft pick to get a legitimate quarterback.

Hope your team will be bad enough to get Herm Edwards fired. Realize your state cannot produce good pro sports teams...root for Mizzou and Chase Daniel.

Miami Dolphins: Hope Chad Henne is good enough to be your quarterback next year. Start a pool as to when Ricky Williams will fail a drug test. Celebrate when you win more games than last season.

Houston Texans: Be happy that you are the best team on this list. Enjoy Steve Slaton's coming out party.

Hope for that outside shot at the playoffs after you beat the Colts this week. Realize that this is the weakest your division has looked in years. Design a better mascot for your team.

Other General Advice:

Find any feature about your team you can use as a drinking game (becomes dangerous for Patriots fans using Tom Brady).

Jump on another team's bandwagon (I suggest an NFC east team).

And one thing any fan on these teams can do: start watching college football to see which player your team should draft.

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