The Doc’s Diagnosis: Georgia Fans Show Disturbing Post-Alabama Symptoms

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The Doc’s Diagnosis: Georgia Fans Show Disturbing Post-Alabama Symptoms

A disturbing ailment seems to have infected a large swath of the southeastern United States following Georgia’s utter humiliation at the hands of the Crimson Tide this past weekend.

After the game, hundreds of cases of Psychotalius Fanaticitus—commonly known as Psycho-Fan Syndrome—have been reported amongst the Georgia faithful.

Alabama fans, celebrating their biggest win in at least a decade, reported a wide variety of dysfunctional behavior by Georgia students—and I should mention that it was mostly the students. For the most part, the Georgia grown-ups were their usual genteel, hospitable selves.

Alabama fans, some of whom were with their children, have reported that Georgia students cursed at, spat at, poured beer on, hurled objects at, and generally acted like boorish, drunken oafs towards the Alabama faithful as they attempted to make their way out of Athens.

One broadcaster from Birmingham apparently had rocks thrown at him as he did his live postgame report at Sanford Stadium. Another fan returned to his car to find it had been redecorated by a key-wielding modern artist with a flair for the obscene.



Physical Indications

Friends and family should be on the lookout for symptoms which could precede the onset of this disturbing disease.

These include: a sudden change in wardrobe, such as a sudden tendency to wear black; inexplicable changes in mood or general demeanor, such as unabashed arrogance soon followed by a precipitous and expected loss of confidence; and sudden losses of physical strength, followed by lethargy or timidity.

Although these symptoms may wane initially, once the disease has progressed, it may be very difficult to delay or prevent the onset of Psychotalius Fanaticitus.



Causes

Early indications are that the disease was brought about in Georgia following an allergic reaction to a large slice of Gray Ghost’s Southern Humble Pie, which the ‘Dawgs received courtesy of a suddenly-unstoppable Crimson Tide in Athens.

Georgia came into the game ranked No. 3 in the nation, and the second “black out” night in Sanford Stadium had the players and fans fired up at kickoff. But for the next 30 minutes, they sat in stunned silence in their black attire, as their team became the victim of what may be the best first half of football that has ever been played.

‘Bama’s defense dominated the Bulldog offense, while the Tide offense scored five times on five drives. Indeed, the only thing that stopped the Tide was the clock. Alabama had one offensive possession that didn’t end in points—when John Parker Wilson took a knee before halftime.



Treatment

Ironically, the only cure for this disease may be yet another slice of Humble Pie. Unfortunately, an off week this weekend will delay treatment, and the cupboard is likely to be bare when the ‘Dawgs face Tennessee next week.

Nevertheless, the Georgia faithful will have plenty of chances to snag another bite of humble pie as the season goes on. If the scholar-athletes from Vandy can’t deliver on the 18th, you can be sure that LSU will be anxious to serve them up a slice, Cajun Style, in Death Valley on the 25th.



Other At-Risk Populations

Although it is currently unknown whether Psychotalius Fanaticitus can spread through close physical proximity, Alabama fans should nevertheless be wary as they welcome last year’s SEC giant killers, Kentucky, to Tuscaloosa this Saturday.

The undefeated Wildcats have managed to slip under the national radar despite being 4-0 and boasting the nation’s best scoring defense.

A quick look at the two teams' sole common opponent should be enough to tell the Tide fans that this may not be the mismatch they expect. The Tide beat Western Kentucky 41-7—the Wildcats won 41-3. 

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