I love southern cooking! It really doesn’t get much better than a plate of southern fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans (slow cooked with some ham hock), corn-on-the-cob, cat-head biscuits with Georgia cane syrup, a tall glass of sweet tea, and a bowl of banana pudding waiting on the side!

Put a plate of that on top of your head and your tongue will beat your brains out trying to get to it!

I love almost everything that is cooked southern style—everything, that is, except for what I was served this past Saturday afternoon. Let me explain.

I wasn’t feeling very well for some strange reason. One minute I was watching the Georgia–Alabama game, and the next thing I knew paramedics were working feverishly over me.

As I began to revive, I noticed my family gathered around with looks of concern on their faces. Someone mentioned that I had had a black out, and I immediately started feeling queasy again.

My wife suggested that I needed something to eat just around the time that the doorbell rang. Moments later my son ran into the room with two platters in his hand, and the thought of a home-cooked meal began to perk me up.

A card had been delivered with the platters, and I wondered who could have possibly known so quickly that I had been ill. The note simply said “Enjoy” and was signed, “Your Bama Buds: Timothy Croley, 12, and Cameon Shiflett.”

Wow! What friends! I was already beginning to feel better!

My son handed me the first platter, with steam crawling out from under the silver lid. As soon as I lifted the lid my wife screamed and dropped like a bad habit. One of the paramedics began to feel sick and had to take a knee.

On that platter, bruised and battered and still simmering from the smoking it had taken, was my caboose. My Bama Buddies had handed me my rear end on a platter. No wonder I felt so bad—I had been debuttitated! I was grateful that at least they had the courtesy to leave my Bulldawg boxers on.

Next platter, please. I lifted the lid, this time knowing what to expect. Sure enough, there it was—a big fat slice of humble pie, cooked Alabama style!

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