Greetings from the Frozen Tundra, friends.
In case you are still not sober, following the Packers Super Bowl victory on February 6 (trust me, in Wisconsin, there are still a few fans that are celebrating the win on a consistent basis), let me give you an update on what has occurred in the past month: the NFL players and owners didn't reach an agreement. And here we are, a place that we, as fans, didn't want to be at all.
So, let's get into it, shall we? The NFLPA has de-certified, the owners have created a lock out. Big name players (Tom Brady, Drew Brees and Peyton Manning amongst others) filed a class action lawsuit in order to prevent the lockout. FYI: It didn't work.
I am, by no means, an expert on unions or contracts. However, in case you haven't been watching the news from Wisconsin over the past month, we have had a few little issues with a Governor and State Senate that have decided to take collective bargaining away from the unions. You know, the unions that support the people that are educating children, amongst others. Yes, we know a little something about collective bargaining, or lack thereof, in Wisconsin.
The question remains: who's to blame for the lockout? And really, my response is, as stated, in the title: Who cares? I can say this flippantly now, as I am pretty ticked off at the idea of not having football in the fall. However, once the anger subsides, it is time for all involved parties to go back to negotiations. And, if that doesn't happen due to litigation (on behalf of the players) or greed (on behalf of the owners), who suffers?
I watch football because the players do things that "normal" human beings can't do. True, I can catch a football. Hell, I might even be able to RUN the football down the field. However, can I catch a ball that is thrown with the force of a missile, with frozen hands (hello, frozen tundra?), leap over a defender and run 80 yards to the end zone? You know, like Aaron Rodgers to Donald Driver? Well, I probably could. But honestly, I would probably need oxygen and a possible hospitalization afterwards.
And, if I did find the end zone, I am Norwegian, friend. Watching me dance is always quite entertaining. And not in a good way. Have you ever been to a wedding in Wisconsin? We polka—and sometimes not too well. The joy of the polka is directly determined by the amount of beer consumed prior to whatever genius says, "Hey, we should go out and polka!" It is rarely pretty and can end up in bodily harm. Nobody needs to see that on the football field.
And for me to do a Lambeau Leap? Well, let's put it this way: I could possibly sprint up to the stands and make the Leap. However, I fear that I would hit the wall with a resounding "SMACK" and be stuck to the hallowed walls of Lambeau Field like a stuffed Garfield that is suction cupped to a car window. Nobody needs to see that, either.
Could I kick a field goal from 50 yards? Well, is that before or after I fumble the ball, go for the kick and possibly kick a person? And when the ball lands two feet in front of me? Well, that's just embarrassing all the way around.
Could I throw the ball? Ahh, yes, I throw like a girl (for good reason, obviously).
Could I spin and pivot around a 350-pound offensive lineman and still manage to sack the quarterback? Could I fly through the air with the greatest of ease, like Clay Matthews? Well, could I have a few beers before I attempt this? I could do it then. However, I fear that I would be clinging to the back of the quarterback, growling and snarling, while he ran down the field, completely unconcerned. That could hurt my ego.
Yes, I realize that fans were warned that the lockout could happen. However, the paranoid part of my brain is telling me that this all happened so Brett Favre could have another year to heal...and come back to play...please let me wake up from this nightmare.
So, NFL players and owners, please fix this. Go back to the negotiations. The fans are counting on the 2011 season. Especially this one.
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